My Movie Guide

Read This First

2007-08-20T14:29:00.001-07:00

Films total on 27.1.12: 4863
Latest reviews: The Fighting Kentuckian, The Aristocrats, The Mysterious Mr Wong
Welcome to my film guide, something I’ve worked on for over 20 years and moved to the internet in 2007. In it, I offer my humble opinions on the many movies I've viewed over the years. Below is all you need to know about the guide, from ratings, to how it is ordered, to what you will find here, and more. So first up...

The ratings system explained
Unlike most film guides, films really have to earn their stars in my system. If you’re familiar with the stars system is Halliwell’s Film Guide, then that is probably what my marks are most closely modelled on. While it may appear at first to be a too-strict system, I feel it is the best. Think of it as assessing movies by the same high-standard criteria that The Good Food Guide assesses restaurants.
So, a brief summary, and you are advised to read this: No stars means a film which could be anything from desperately poor to merely adequate, it is not an actual mark in itself. These films are never worth setting aside time for. One star could indicate a good try, a movie that’s far from perfect but has some redeeming features; or it could be a commercially successful or important picture that isn’t actually very good. Two stars will usually be a film worth seeing and could be highly enjoyable or technically excellent. Three stars indicates a supremely proficient production, notable for all sorts of reasons, and definitely worth watching. Four stars is the pinnacle – only around 2% of all films on this site earn this accolade – and denote a masterwork or perennial personal favourite.
I feel that this star system, which is admittedly weighted towards indicating shades of differences at the upper end of marks rather than the lower end, is a superior system, particularly for a film ‘book’. (It would not be suitable for a weekly or monthly magazine reviewing films because it would seem unnecessarily stingy and not exhibiting the necessary excitement that greets ‘new’ products. There, films are largely rated against other movies out at that time, and not against classics from the past – that would hardly be fair.) This system rewards real value and doesn’t stoop to the ‘all must have prizes’ way of thinking.
You are recommended to also read the reviews of the films before flying into a state of apoplexy about the [too high/too low] star rating.
Obviously there isn’t a soul out there who will agree with all of these ratings. But they have all been arrived at after much consideration, and hopefully reflect both consistency and wisdom. Over time, I reserve the right to tweak ratings, because times change, the reputation of films changes, and imitators come along and either do the job better or erode the power of the original through familiarity.

How it's ordered and what's in it
If a film has more than one title, the title the film will be reviewed under will tend to be the one that is most recognised in Great Britain or the one most generally recognised as the 'proper' one. Foreign-titled films can be listed under their original title or more likely the English title; again, it is the one which is most familiar.
Alphabetically I go by the word-at-a-time arrangement rather than paying attention to the complete title. So, for example, In Like Flint comes before The Incredible Shrinking Man. Hyphenated or apostrophized words are counted as one word. Compressions like Dr (doctor) are treated as if they were spelt out. Titles that are acronyms do not necessarily go at the front of a section.
You will find most or all of the films of the following people: Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, Paul Verhoeven, Steven Spielberg, Pete Walker, Tinto Brass (’76 onwards), Quentin Tarantino, Laurel and Hardy, Peter Sellers, Jim Carrey*, Bruce Lee*, Marilyn Monroe*, Will Hay, Jacques Tati.
You'll also find too many of the following sort of films: James Bond, Star Wars, Sherlock Holmes, Hammer horrors (and British horrors generally, especially ones from the 1970s), Carry Ons, Beatles-related, Spider-Man, British sex comedy/drama (especially ones from the 1970s), Universal monster movies, official video nasties, Monty Python, Tarzan, Star Trek, the Doctor series, St Trinian's, Hamlets (and plenty of other Shakespeare adaptations), Friday The 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Man From UNCLE, Robert Youngson compilations, Harry Potter, the Christopher Lee Fu Manchus, Matt Helm. You will not find any films whose main content is hard core pornography.
Most films accepted as 'classics' should be here. I have, for instance, seen all of the Best Picture Oscar winners, most of the imdb's top 250 and the majority of films that are awarded the maximum four stars in Halliwell's Film Guide. Unfortunately there's also a load of trash here, a lot of it sci-fi or horror from the 1980s. We all have to start somewhere.

Who might like this guide
This blog is for people who like films but aren’t totally obsessed with them. It’s for people who don’t see it as their duty to see all major new movies and find something good in them. It’s for those who are incredulous at the over-enthusiastic star ratings in Radio Times; for those who find Halliwell’s Film Guide schizophrenic and unreliable; for those who don’t buy into the lefty attitudes of the Time Out guide; for those who feel that the imdb has too many morons on it, people who have little knowledge of films that aren’t recent and/or American; for those who have seen a good deal of films but appreciate something a bit different or a little eccentric, or appreciate a sophisticated film that is also entertaining. I guess, essentially, it’s for people like me. If not me exclusively…

How this all came to be
This project originated around 1985, when I started to write capsule reviews of films I watched into a notebook. Halliwell's Film Guide and Michael Weldon’s Psychotronic Encyclopedia Of Film were a great influence on me. I soon transferred these reviews to a folder where they were alphabetical-ised, allowing additional films in each letter to be added. I continued this way for about 17 years by which time I had catalogued nearly 4,000 films. In 2006 I decided it was about time I transferred all this data to my computer and set about the huge task of doing so. The advantages of this hardly need noting but were as follows: the reviews could be rewritten and errors eradicated; alphabetical order would make it easier to find films; cast and director could be added; the work could later be transferred to the internet.
It took me around a year and several hundred man hours to not only rewrite the majority of reviews and synopsises but to add the name of the directors and input several members of the casts, particularly those who feature in other movies in the files. I am indebted to the miraculous website that is the imdb for help in doing this.
Transferring and rewriting reviews from films I had seen some 10 to 20 years previously occasionally proved tricky as I only had my own badly written thoughts and very vague memories. Consequently, the shorter reviews in the file tend to be films seen long ago. Longer reviews are often films I have seen more recently, but there are exceptions. While I staunchly stand by most of the evaluations, it could be that I need to see certain films again to appreciate them more. And I imagine that I am also too generous with the odd movie due to youthful inexperience. But all should come good: the film guide is an ever-changing, ever-evolving project that hopefully improves by the month.
Many of these reviews are capsule versions of longer ones I have written for various publications. These publications include everything from the Newcastle Herald And Post to Sky Magazine, FHM, DVD & Blu-ray Review and SFX. So I have actually been paid to watch a good deal of the films I have sat through.
Despite doing this guide and watching these films I am never quite sure whether I'm someone who loves films but dislikes lots of them, or loathes films but happens to like a lot of them. Maybe I'll get back to you on that one.
If you spot any errors please email me at lewinir@hotmail.com and they will be rectified. Also feel free to email me with suggestions, comments and constructive criticism.

* main starring roles

4-star films

2007-08-20T14:28:00.001-07:00

(Top ten in bold)

AIRPLANE (1980)

ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930)

ANNIE HALL (1977)

BACK TO THE FUTURE (1985)

BACK TO THE FUTURE PART 2 (1989)

BAMBI (1940)

THE BIRDS (1963)

THE BIRTH OF A NATION (1915)

BORAT - CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN (2006)

BREAKING THE WAVES (1996)

BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1935)

THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957)

BRIGHTON ROCK (1947)

BRINGING UP BABY (1938)

CASABLANCA (1943)

CINEMA PARADISO (1989)

CITIZEN KANE (1941)

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971)

DIAL M FOR MURDER (1954)

DIRTY HARRY (1971)

DR STRANGELOVE; OR, HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB (1963)

DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1945)

THE ELEPHANT MAN (1980)

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980)

FESTEN (1995)

FRANKENSTEIN (1931)

THE GAY DIVORCEE (1934)

GENEVIEVE (1953)

THE GODFATHER (1972)

THE GODFATHER: PART II (1974)

THE GOLDEN AGE OF COMEDY (1957)

GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY (1966)

GOODBYE MR CHIPS (1939)

GOODFELLAS (1990)

GROUNDHOG DAY (1993)

HANNAH AND HER SISTERS (1986)

HAROLD LLOYD’S WORLD OF COMEDY (1962)

HELPMATES (1931)

I AM A FUGITIVE FROM A CHAIN GANG (1932)

I’M ALL RIGHT JACK (1959)

INHERIT THE WIND (1960)

A KIND OF LOVING (1962)

KING KONG (1933)

THE LADYKILLERS (1955)

LAUGHING GRAVY (1931)

THE LAVENDER HILL MOB (1951)

THE LETTER (1940)

THE LIVES OF OTHERS (2006)

THE LOST WEEKEND (1945)

MICKEY’S CHRISTMAS CAROL (1983)

MR SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1943)

THE MUSIC BOX (1932)

NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959)

NOTORIOUS (1946)

OLIVER! (1968)

OLIVER TWIST (1948)

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST (1975)

PASSPORT TO PIMLICO (1949)

PATHS OF GLORY (1957)

PSYCHO (1960)

RAGING BULL (1980)

REAR WINDOW (1954)

REBECCA (1940)

THE RED SHOES (1948)

ROSEMARY'S BABY (1968)

SATURDAY NIGHT AND SUNDAY MORNING (1960)

SCHINDLER’S LIST (1993)

SEXY BEAST (2000)

SHADOW OF A DOUBT (1943)

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION (1994)

SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN (1952)

THE SOCIAL NETWORK (2010)

SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)

SONS OF THE DESERT (1933)

THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)

STAR WARS (1977)

STRANGERS ON A TRAIN (1951)

TAXI DRIVER (1976)

THE THIRD MAN (1949)

THE THIRTY NINE STEPS (1935)

THIS IS SPINAL TAP (1983)

THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT (1952)

TOP HAT (1935)

TRAINSPOTTING (1996)

THE TRUMAN SHOW (1998)

12 ANGRY MEN (1957)

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)

UNFORGIVEN (1992)

WAY OUT WEST (1937)

THE WICKER MAN (1973)

Films: Z

2007-08-20T14:27:00.004-07:00

Z
1969
***
A politician is assassinated but the corrupt establishment try to pretend that it was a car accident.
Pacey political thriller based on real events; after 40 years it may not have quite the power it once did, but there's still much to admire, including the snappy editing.
Dir: Costa-Gavras
Stars: Yves Montand, Irene Papas, Jean-Louis Trintignant, Jacques Perrin

ZAPPED!
1982
0
A high school pupil uses his telekinetic powers to tear girls' clothes off at the prom.
Tawdry comedy expressly designed to appeal to moist-palmed teenage boys.
Dir: Robert J Rosenthal
Stars: Scott Baio, Willie Aames, Robert Mandan

ZAPPERS BLADE OF VENGEANCE
1974
0
A female private eye thwarts a murderous swordsman.
A slight improvement on Big Zapper (qv) but not exactly good; the duelling sequences are particularly dull. There's no on-screen apostrophe in the title.
Dir: Lindsay Shonteff
Stars: Linda Marlowe, Alan Lake, Jason Kemp

ZARDOZ
1974
0
In the far future, a warrior infiltrates a land of quiet intellectuals.
Good-looking but laughably pretentious sci-fi which lasts far too long.
Dir: John Boorman
Stars: Sean Connery, Charlotte Rampling, John Alderton

A ZED & TWO NOUGHTS
1985
0
Two men examine life after both their wives die in a car crash.
High-brow fantasy whose pretensions become intolerable.
Dir: Peter Greenaway
Stars: Andrea Ferreol, Eric Deacon, Frances Barber, Joss Ackland

ZELIG
1983
***
The life of a human chameleon.
Fiendishly clever, unique fantasia in which the stars play alongside Hitler, Roosevelt and so on.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, John Buckwater

ZENOBIA
1939
*
A small-town doctor can't lose the elephant he has treated.
Hardy without Laurel - but Ollie copes well with a different sort of performance in a film very different from one of theirs, a mild, pleasant comic drama with a message of goodwill.
Dir: Gordon Douglas
Stars: Oliver Hardy, Harry Langdon, Jean Parker

ZERO HOUR!
1957
*
A flight in bad weather is struck by food poisoning.
Air melodrama whose chief point of interest now is to see where Airplane got many of its ideas from.
Dir: Hall Bartlett
Stars: Dana Andrews, Linda Darnell, Sterling Hayden

ZERO POPULATION GROWTH
1972
0
In the future, having children is illegal - but one couple break the law.
Undramatic sci-fi devoid of humour. The 'pollution-induced fog' attempts to cover up the low budget.
Dir: Michael Campus
Stars: Oliver Reed, Geraldine Chaplin, Don Gordon

ZETA ONE
1969
0
A race of female aliens is in need of human male specimens.
Soft core sci-fi with a couple of famous faces; it could not have been made at any other time or in any other place. Awful but incredible.
Dir: Michael Court
Stars: James Robertson Justice, Charles Hawtrey, Valerie Leon, Yutte Stensgaard, Rita Webb

ZIDANE - A 21ST CENTURY PORTRAIT
2006
*
Documentary in which Real Madrid's Zidane is followed by 17 cameras during the course of one 90-minute match.
It's difficult to see who this arty experiment might appeal to; after a while the most avid football fan (particularly the most avid football fan) or devotee of quirky cinema might check to see what's on the other side.
Dir: Douglas Gordon, Philippe Parreno
Stars: Zinedine Zidane

ZIGGY STARDUST AND THE SPIDERS FROM MARS
1982
*
Documentary charting Bowie's last performance with his Spiders in 1972.
A great concert, but the behind-the-scenes stuff is a bit vacuous and the picture quality poor.
Dir: D A Pennebaker
Stars: David Bowie

ZIZEK!
2005
0
Documentary featuring the thoughts of a Slovenian Marxist philosopher.
An exhausting and unsympathetic low-budget film with a subject that barely appears worthy of laudatory treatment.
Dir: Astra Taylor
Stars: Slavoj Zizek

ZODIAC
2007
**
A newspaper cartoonist obsessively seeks the identity of the Zodiac killer, who is terrorising San Francisco in the 1960s and '70s.
Grown-up thriller concentrating on the tortuous and inefficient investigations - the scary bits are kept to a minimum but highly effective when they occur. Long and tangled but stylishly put together, if you don't enjoy the story you can at least enjoy the carefully recreated period detail.
Dir: David Fincher
Stars: Jake Gyllenhaal, Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr, Anthony Edwards, Chloe Sevigny, Brian Cox

ZOLTAN, HOUND OF DRACULA
1977
0
Soldiers accidentally unleash the canine servant of Dracula.
Low budget, low excitement horror.
Dir: Albert Band
Stars: Michael Pataki, Jan Shutan, Libby Chase

ZOMBIE AND THE GHOST TRAIN
1991
0
A man drifts in and out of a rock band but prefers to drink his life away.
Underwritten and inconsequential drama with no surprises, a sort of Finnish Bukowski, without the tang.
Dir: Mika Kaurismaki
Stars: Silu Seppala, Marjo Leinonen, Matti Pellonpaa

ZOMBIE CREEPING FLESH
1980
0
Reporters and army men battle an ever growing band of zombies in the jungle.
Gloriously trashy horror flick which lacks power and sense but isn’t short of randomly inserted stock footage of African wildlife.
Dir: Bruno Mattei
Stars: Frank Garfield, Robert O’Neil, Margit Evelyn Newton

ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS
1980
*
A woman traces her father's disappearance to a zombie-infested island.
Formulaic zombie movie which, although better and more sanely shot than many Fulci films, doesn't deserve its lofty reputation that was partly earned by its eight-year British video ban. The air of doom and occasional highly memorable set-pieces (the shark vs the zombie! The splinter in the eyeball!) do lift it out of the mire, though, even if dull stretches and bland characters drag it back down.
Dir: Lucio Fulci
Stars: Ian McCulloch, Tisa Farrow, Richard Johnson

ZOMBIE LAKE
1981
0
A lake full of Nazi zombies spells doom for various bathers.
A wonderfully terrible film which has had its ‘qualities’ picked over by bad movie fans: the spare, disconnected dialogue; the half washed off zombie make-up; the fact that a little girl loves a soggy undead Nazi; that it’s not sure whether it’s set in the Fifties or the Eighties; the extras who can barely take events seriously, and much more. Also brazenly sexual at times, it’s a brightly shot slice of lunacy that will likely attract more converts over the years.
Dir: Jean Rollin (as JA Laser)
Stars: Howard Vernon, Pierre Escourrou, Nadine Pascal

ZOMBIELAND
2009
*
After America has been overrun by zombies, a nerdy student joins forces with a gun-toting nutcase to trek across the country.
Lively horror comic a little uncertain in tone but preferable to most other modern zombie movies; a negative view would be to say it’s very simplistic and possibly sponsored by Twinkies, but a more positive one that it’s slickly produced and snappily scripted.
Dir: Ruben Fleischer
Stars: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrrelson, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin, Bill Murray

ZONE TROOPERS
1985
0
During World War Two, aliens arrive on Earth to help some American soldiers.
A mix of sci-fi and war movie in which the cheapness really shows through.
Dir: Danny Bilson
Stars: Tim Thomerson, Timothy Van Patten, Art LaFleur

ZORRO’S FIGHTING LEGION
1940 (serial)
0
Zorro fights for the independence of Mexico.
Rather boring serial with lively music. Some episodes are two strung together.
Dir: John English, William Witney
Stars: Reed Hadley, Sheila Darcy, William Carson

ZULU
1964
***
In 1879, British soldiers fight a seemingly un-winnable battle against Zulus.
Memorable war film complemented by excellent performances and exciting action.
Dir: Cy Endfield
Stars: Stanley Baker, Jack Hawkins, Michael Caine, James Booth, Nigel Green

ZULU DAWN
1979
*
The story of the British defeat at the hands of Zulus at Rourke's Drift in 1876.
Although this compares unfavourably with its predecessor, thanks to its long build-up and less than clear battle scenes, this is a decent, competent war film with a distinguished cast.
Dir: Douglas Hickox
Stars: Burt Lancaster, Denholm Elliott, Peter O'Toole, John Mills, Simon Ward, Nigel Davenport, Ronald Lacey, Freddie Jones

Films: Y

2007-08-20T14:27:00.003-07:00

YANKEE DOODLE DANDY
1942
***
The life of singer, dancer and author George M Cohan.
Hagiographic biopic, rightly celebrated due to its electric star performance and exuberant song and dance numbers.
Dir: Michael Curtiz
Stars: James Cagney, Joan Leslie, Walter Huston

THE YEARLING
1946
*
A young boy grows very fond of a deer.
Picturesque tearjerker which takes a while to come to its main story.
Dir: Clarence Brown
Stars: Gregory Peck, Jane Wyman, Claude Jarman Jr

YELLOW SUBMARINE
1968
***
The Beatles are called upon to help defeat the Blue Meanies, who have laid Pepperland waste.
The animation is a great artistic achievement, the songs are of course wonderful, and this cartoon has gained immense period charm in the years since it was released.
Dir: George Duning
Voices: John Clive, Geoffrey Hughes, Peter Batten, Paul Angelis, Dick Emery, Lance Perceval, The Beatles

THE YELLOW TEDDYBEARS
1963
0
Adults get upset when they discover that sixth form girls are wearing special brooches to signify the loss of their virginity.
‘Social issue’ melodrama that dated very quickly; its only objective is to sermonize on sexual mores and it does so in wearingly verbose fashion.
Dir: Robert Hartford-Davis
Stars: Jacqueline Ellis, Iain Gregory, Georgina Patterson

THE YES GIRLS
1971
0
Three young women are coerced into the world of seedy films.
Cheap little obscurity with the odd half-decent moment, unlikely to be rediscovered at any point.
Dir: Lindsay Shonteff
Stars: Sue Bond, Sally Muggeridge, Ray Chiarella

YES MAN
2008
**
An unhappy man challenges himself to say ‘yes’ to everything, and finds his life changing for the better.
Carrey has once again chosen a movie with a fun, appealing concept, and once again the results are pretty successful – it’s a professional, polished Hollywood comedy with lots of nice scenes and a positive message. If there are people standing outside the multiplex unsure what to go and see, they should buy a ticket for this one.
Dir: Peyton Reed
Stars: Jim Carrey, Zooey Deschanel, Rhys Darby, Terence Stamp

YIELD TO THE NIGHT
1956
*
A young woman who has shot a love rival awaits her fate in prison.
Almost unbearably solemn drama largely set behind bars, with flashbacks to show how the lady in question came to be there; Dors’ performance is among her best and the film is not over-preachy in its anti-capital punishment message, but the relationship between her and Craig never really convinces, which handicaps it slightly. It’s the sort of unsettling, feel-bad movie that the British film industry would become so adept at in the ’80s, but must have been a big surprise in the ’50s.
Dir: J Lee Thompson
Stars: Diane Dors, Yvonne Mitchell, Michael Craig, Geoffrey Keen

YOJIMBO
1961
*
A samurai comes to town and plays two criminal gangs off each other.
The director no film critic dare criticise with a yarn that became more meaningful for Western audiences when Sergio Leone revamped it as A Fistful Of Dollars.
Dir: Akira Kurosawa
Stars: Toshiro Mifune, Tatsuya Nakadai, Yoko Tsukasa

YOR, THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE
1985
0
A prehistoric warrior discovers he is actually from the future.
Excruciatingly bad sci-fi.
Dir: Antonio Margheriti
Stars: Reb Brown, Corinne Clery, John Steiner

YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU
1938
*
The son of a rich industrialist plans to marry a girl whose family are tax evading eccentrics.
Capra's gently worn Oscar winner starts as a silly comedy (the characters are more irritating than anything) and ends as a diatribe against big business, and never convinces in the same way as many of his other movies do.
Dir: Frank Capra
Stars: Jean Arthur, Lionel Barrymore, James Stewart, Edward Arnold

YOU NEVER CAN TELL
1951
*
A murdered Alsatian comes back as a detective to track down his killer.
Outrageous fantasy comedy, not badly done.
Dir: Lou Breslow
Stars: Dick Powell, Peggy Dow, Charles Drake

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
1967
**
James Bond battles Blofeld out in Japan.
Foreign-set Bond antics, which although highly watchable, is definitely a few notches down from the series’ first few escapades: Connery isn’t quite as interested, the set-pieces – aside from the volcano-set climax – aren’t quite as well done, and the plot is even less plausible than before.
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Sean Connery, Akiko Wakabayashi, Donald Pleasence, Bernard Lee, Lois Maxwell, Desmond Llewelyn, Charles Gray, Bert Kwouk

YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER
2010
**
A woman turns to astrology to find happiness, while her daughter and ex-husband struggle more so with their lots.
Woody’s second best London film concerns fate, and suggests that illusions can be comforting even if they are only illusions. We almost take for granted the superb casts he manages to employ now, and although this wordy drama will, of course, never be counted among his best pictures, it shows that the old fella can still spin a sprightly tale about anxious human beings.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin, Gemma Jones, Freida Pinto, Antonio Banderas, Lucy Punch, Anna Friel, Philip Glenister, Pauline Collins

YOU’LL FIND OUT
1940
0
Murder is afoot in an isolated castle where radio programmes are broadcast from.
The ingredients (three big horror stars, spooky setting) are there, but the dialogue is now very dated and the awful songs unwanted interruptions.
Dir: David Butler
Stars: Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre, Bela Lugosi, Kay Kyser

YOUNG AND INNOCENT
1937
**
A young man goes on the run after mistakenly being accused of murder.
Trademark Hitchcock thriller which sows the seeds of others, this is an agreeable, pleasantly set effort adorned by nice comic and suspense touches.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Nova Pilbeam, Derrick de Marney, Basil Radford

YOUNG DOCTORS IN LOVE
1982
0
Amorous incidents at a hospital.
Banal farce which tries and fails to be like Airplane.
Dir: Garry Marshall
Stars: Michael McKean, Sean Young, Harry Dean Stanton, Patrick Macnee

YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN
1974
**
In modern times, Frederick Frankenstein returns to his grandfather's castle.
Winning parody of the Universal Frankensteins (especially Bride and Son); it looks terrific and the laughs are big if not constant.
Dir: Mel Brooks
Stars: Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman, Madeline Kahn, Peter Boyle, Gene Hackman, Teri Garr

YOUNG LADY CHATTERLEY
1977
0
A beautiful woman inherits a large estate.
Feeble erotica which has almost nothing to do with DH Lawrence aside from a couple of flashbacks, and hilariously tries to pass California off as rural England. The sex scenes are incredibly tame and the whole thing falls apart like a crumby scone well before the end.
Dir: Alan Roberts
Stars: Harlee McBride, Peter Ratray, William Beckley

YOUNG SHERLOCK HOLMES
1986
**
The young detective investigates murders seemingly caused by hallucinogens.
Rip-roaring fantasy which marries good period feel with excellent special effects.
Dir: Barry Levinson
Stars: Nicholas Rowe, Alan Cox, Sophie Ward, Freddie Jones

YOU’RE DARN TOOTIN’
1928
**
Stan and Ollie lose their jobs and are then kicked out of their lodgings.
Well crafted star comedy ending in a pants-ripping free for all; the bespoke musical score added in 2006 is the best yet, although watched again, the film is rarely truly hilarious and lacks the warmth of their later teamings.
Dir: Edgar Kennedy
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall

YOUTH WITHOUT YOUTH
2007
0
An ageing Romanian professor is struck by lightning which helps him attempt to complete his life’s work.
The sort of film that must get booed off screens (if there’s actually anyone in the cinema to see it): a pretentious, obscure and boring oddity that is the director trying and failing to get a personal vision across. Is this really the same man who made The Godfather?
Dir: Francis Ford Coppola
Stars: Tim Roth, Alexandra Maria Lara, Bruno Ganz

Films: X

2007-08-20T14:27:00.001-07:00

X - THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES
1963
**
A scientist increases the power of his sight but goes too far.
Lively, imaginative and chilling sci-fi horror, surreal and enjoyable, well done on a low budget.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Ray Milland, Diana Van Der Vlis, Harold J Stone

X THE UNKNOWN
1956
*
Mud is affected by radiation and becomes a crawling monster.
Pedestrian horror in a similar vein to the Quatermass films.
Dir: Leslie Norman
Stars: Dean Jagger, Edward Chapman, Leo McKern, Michael Ripper

XXX
2002
*
An extreme sports specialist is recruited as a secret agent for the US government.
Beyond ridiculous actioner, which after a bright beginning reveals its absence of plot. Some spectacular stunts suffice.
Dir: Rob Cohen
Stars: Vin Diesel, Asia Argento, Samuel L Jackson, Tom Everett

X, Y AND ZEE
1971
0
Constantly at odds with his wife, a man takes a mistress.
Very trying slanging match which gets nowhere slowly and strangely.
Dir: Brian G Hutton
Stars: Elizabeth Taylor, Michael Caine, Susannah York, Margaret Leighton

X-MEN
2000
*
Two opposing groups of super-powered mutants battle it out for supremacy.
Glossy, tolerable action flick with a decent assortment of costumed characters.
Dir: Bryan Singer
Stars: Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos

X-MEN 2
2003
*
A fanatical military man attacks Professor Xavier’s band of mutants.
A superior sequel, for what it’s worth, which generally succeeds in reproducing a comic strip vibe. As franchises go, X-Men isn’t the easiest to warm to but it’s aided by the different superpower exhibitions and a starry cast.
Dir: Bryan Singer
Stars: Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, James Marsden, Anna Paquin, Brian Cox

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS
2011
***
Two groups of mutants clash at the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962.
Remarkably proficient prequel with a strong, compelling storyline, imaginative (and not hard to follow) action sequences, some rich performances and an awareness of wider issues. Were all superhero movies so successful.
Dir: Matthew Vaughn
Stars: James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Kevin Bacon, Rose Byrne, Jennifer Lawrence, January Jones

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE
2009
**
How Wolverine gained his adamantium skeleton and lost his memory.
Fans were largely sniffy about this prequel but it’s good rollicking fun, a tale of revenge punctuated by top action sequences with the various super-powered freaks.
Dir: Gavin Hood
Stars: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Danny Huston, Lynn Collins

X-MEN: THE LAST STAND
2006
0
A new drug is developed to help mutants become ‘normal’.
The weakest X-Men movie is an over-egged pudding with too many characters who make little impression and not much of a story; it just doesn’t feel like a movie made with care and affection (it was actually rush-released).
Dir: Brett Ratner
Stars: Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry, Rebecca Romijn, James Marsden, Anna Paquin, Kelsey Grammer, Vinnie Jones, Ellen Page

X-RAY
1982
0
A beautiful woman is trapped in a murderous hospital.
Corny and confused slasher movie with a well-built heroine from the pages of Playboy magazine.
Dir: Boaz Davidson
Stars: Barbie Benton, Charles Lucia, Jon Van Ness

XTRO
1982
*
A man is taken to an alien planet for three years and is somewhat different when he returns.
Harsh, gory, vigorous sci-fi horror, a sort of ET for adults.
Dir: Harry Bromley Davenport
Stars: Bernice Stegers, Philip Sayer, Maryam D'Abo

Films: W

2007-08-20T14:26:00.002-07:00

THE WAGES OF FEAR
1952
***
A group of men have to transport a truck full of unstable chemicals across the desert.
Carefully assembled suspenser with excellent atmosphere and characterisation, it paints a grim picture of human nature.
Dir: Henri-Georges Clouzot
Stars: Yves Montand, Charles Vanel, Folco Lulli

THE WAITERS
1969
0
Two useless waiters spoil a middle-class dinner party.
Hugely disappointing short: it’s not funny, it’s tedious, irritating and stupid, and even the camerawork is second-rate. Certainly not an obscure gem or anything like as pleasing as the star’s television show.
Dir: Jan Darnley-Smith
Stars: Benny Hill, David Battley, Arthur Hewlett, Pamela Cundell

WAITING…
2005
*
One day at a restaurant with severely dysfunctional staff.
For anyone who’s worked at one, this is a movie to see. Others may either enjoy the occasionally perceptive observations or find much of its humour too crude.
Dir: Rob McKittrick
Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Anna Faris, Justin Long, Luis Guzman

WAKE WOOD
2011
*
A couple whose daughter has died are given the chance of spending a final three days with her.
Not exactly what you’d call a film for couples to snuggle up with, thanks to its dead child storyline and close-ups of animals being cut open – in fact, a glum and unsettling experience generally: those who can handle its twisted nature may appreciate its originality and strangeness, plus its morbidly fitting denouement. Not a loveable film, but there are a thousand worse modern-day low-budget horrors.
Dir: David Keating
Stars: Eva Birthistle, Aidan Gillen, Timothy Spall

WALK THE LINE
2005
**
The life of country singer Johnny Cash, concentrating on the time he spent chasing his future wife, June Carter.
A biopic that stays firmly in PG13 territory when it could have told its tale in more full-blooded fashion with an R; the chief assets of the film are the two leads and their ability to sing Cash's songs with verisimilitude and gusto - other than that it's not remarkable, and viewers in the future may wonder why it garnered quite so much praise.
Dir: James Mangold
Stars: Joaquin Phoenix, Reese Witherspoon, Robert Patrick, Ginnifer Goodwin

WALKABOUT
1971
**
A girl and her younger brother get stranded in the Australian outback.
Beautifully shot but rather dislikeable and alienating mystical drama that makes its obscure points over too long a running time.
Dir: Nicholas Roeg
Stars: Jenny Agutter, Luc Roeg, David Gumpilil

THE WALKING DEAD
1936
*
A doctor brings an executed criminal back to life.
Shadowy horror, not unpredictable, with Karloff largely soporific.
Dir: Michael Curtiz
Stars: Boris Karloff, Ricardo Cortez, Edmund Gwenn

WALL STREET
1989
**
A ruthless corporate trader takes a young stockbroker under his wing.
Powerful satire on ’80s materialism, with a barnstorming performance from Douglas. As good as it is, it’s possible that those who understand its intricacies may not go along with its damning attitude.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Charlie Sheen, Michael Douglas, Martin Sheen, Daryl Hannah, Terence Stamp, Sean Young, Hal Holbrook

WALLACE & GROMIT IN THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT
2005
**
An enormous carrot-devouring rabbit threatens Wallace and Gromit's neighbourhood.
Wittily scripted animation that manages to be technically excellent without losing its rustic, old-English charm.
Dir: Steve Box, Nick Park
Voices: Peter Sallis, Ralph Fiennes, Helena Bonham Carter, Peter Kay, Liz Smith

WALL-E
2008
*
In the far future, a waste-collecting robot inadvertently becomes the saviour of mankind.
This immensely popular Pixar cartoon is, in its look and feel, quite different to any other film: the desolate planet Earth and the hi-tech spaceship environment are fantastically realised and the narrative takes risks, especially to begin with. The action ranges from the thoughtful and philosophical to the cute and bustling, and all it lacks is a sympathetic human element – it doesn’t quite feel like a wholly satisfying entertainment despite lots of neat ideas and its obvious technical proficiency.
Dir: Andrew Stanton
Voices: Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, Jeff Garlin, Sigourney Weaver

WAL-MART: THE HIGH COST OF A LOW PRICE
2005
*
Documentary about the alleged misdemeanours of huge US shopping chain Wal-Mart.
Effectively 90 minutes of people complaining, this diatribe doth protesteth too much, and really goes off the sensible scale in the sections on parking lot crime, female workers and foreign labour usage. Sloppy and slanted.
Dir: Robert Greenwald

WALTER AND JUNE
1983 (TV)
*
A mentally retarded man falls in love.
A sequel to Walter, an emotional TV movie about the mistreatment of handicapped people. This is equally tough but important viewing that is carried by its remarkable lead performance.
Dir: Stephen Frears
Stars: Ian McKellen, Sarah Miles, Jim Broadbent

WALTZ OF THE TOREADORS
1962
*
An old general can't keep away from the ladies.
Quite an interesting drama with some dark shades; the bucolic, heavenly setting doesn't seem quite appropriate.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Peter Sellers, Dany Robin, Margaret Leighton, Cyril Cusack, John Le Mesurier

WALTZ WITH BASHIR
2008
*
An ex soldier tries to recall details of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict he fought in back in 1982.
A worthy and original piece of filmmaking that combines fine animation with oral remembrances of wartime horrors; the plot is necessarily not a ‘proper’ plot and the film, predictably, offers little in the way of comfort – and is also a trifle difficult to empathise with - but technically it is a skilled achievement and was lauded as such.
Dir: Ali Folman
Voices: Ron Ben-Yishai, Ronny Dayag, Ali Folman

WALTZES FROM VIENNA
1933
0
Johann Strauss the Younger attempts to keep composing while working in a bakery.
The director’s self-confessed ‘lowest ebb’ is just that, a flimsy, cheap and stiff picture with barely a Hitchcockian touch in it, clearly made to pass the time. For the viewer it fails to pass the time in any enjoyable sense and seems a lot longer than it is.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Esmond Knight, Jessie Matthews, Edmund Gwenn, Fay Compton

THE WAR OF THE ROSES
1988
*
A couple have a tumultuous relationship resulting in divorce.
Black-as-ink comedy painting an extremely bleak picture of marriage; the violence of the protagonists is weirdly entrancing.
Dir: Danny DeVito
Stars: Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny DeVito

THE WAR OF THE WORLDS
1952
**
Earth is attacked by alien invaders.
Vibrant and colourful sci-fi that is considerably more entertaining than Spielberg's version.
Dir: Byron Haskin
Stars: Gene Barry, Ann Robinson, Les Tremayne

WAR OF THE WORLDS
2005
0
Big budget remake that tediously goes nowhere, providing only endless bad vibes, a bickering family and anonymous monsters.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins, Justin Chatwin

WARGAMES
1983
*
A teenager hacks into government computers and almost starts World War 3.
A movie which amusingly combined two different strands of '80s living, that of the nuclear threat and the growth in home computers; for that it's affectionately remembered and as a slice of drama it just about still stands up.
Dir: John Badham
Stars: Matthew Broderick, Ally Sheedy, Dabney Coleman

WARLOCK
1988
*
A warlock is chased from the 16th century to the present day.
Imaginative, enthusiastic fantasy.
Dir: Steve Miner
Stars: Julian Sands, Lori Singer, Richard E Grant

WARLORDS OF ATLANTIS
1978
0
A professor and crew search for the lost world of Atlantis.
Another lost world matinee for the kids, one that offers even less substantial fare than before.
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: Doug McClure, Peter Gilmore, Shane Rimmer, Daniel Massey, Cyd Charisse

WARP SPEED
1981 (TV)
0
A space crew mysteriously disappears.
Cheap sci-fi, stolid on the whole, with flashes of weirdness.
Dir: Allan Sandler
Stars: David Chandler, Camille Mitchell, Adam West

THE WARRIOR AND THE SORCERESS
1984
0
A sword-wielding warrior battles evil on an alien planet.
Trashy sword and sorcery remake of Yojimbo which doesn't skimp on the topless women (including one with four breasts).
Dir: John C Broderick
Stars: David Carradine, Luke Askew, Maria Socas

WARRIOR QUEEN
1986
0
The last, sordid days of Pompeii.
Contemptible rubbish with virtually no plot, dialogue, acting or direction, only stock footage and primitive action. Amazingly bad.
Dir: Chuck Vincent
Stars: Sybil Danning, Donald Pleasence, Rick Hill

THE WARRIORS
1979
*
A gang is framed for the killing of a man who is trying to unite different gangs.
Action picture which has already dated badly; the warriors look about as scary as wet kippers.
Dir: Walter Hill
Stars: Michael Beck, James Remar, Dorsey Wright

THE WASP WOMAN
1959
0
The head of a cosmetics company takes a serum from wasps to counter ageing, but it turns her into a bloodthirsty monster.
Most of this clinker’s action is people talking in offices, and most of it is padding: when the wasp woman finally emerges later on it’s something of a relief, but she looks laughable, despite being mainly shot in the dark. As ever with Corman, not quite as thrilling as the poster suggests.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Susan Cabot, Fred Eisley, Barboura Morris

WATCH IT, SAILOR!
1961
0
A sailor about to marry his bride has problems with his mother-in-law.
Grim and angry farce that can’t escape its stage origins and merely consists of lots of stupid people shouting at each other; a dated and barely watchable film from the director of the chilling Village Of The Damned (qv).
Dir: Wolf Rilla
Stars: Marjorie Rhodes, Dennis Price, John Meillon, Graham Stark, Irene Handl, Liz Fraser, Vera Day, Frankie Howerd

WATCH YOUR STERN
1960
*
A naval captain goes to extreme lengths to hoodwink his superior.
Considering the splendid cast, this is a slightly disappointing farce that for the most part is confined to a small cabin on a ship, although it does build up a reasonable head of comic steam after a sluggish start.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Kenneth Connor, Eric Barker, Leslie Phillips, Joan Sims, Hattie Jacques, Sidney James, Spike Milligan, Eric Sykes, David Lodge

THE WATCHER
2000
*
A detective is plagued by a serial killer whom he is unable to catch.
Thriller that's a bit soggy at both ends but has an exciting hunt for an intended victim half way through.
Dir: Joe Charbanic
Stars: James Spader, Keanu Reeves, Marisa Tomei, Ernie Hudson

THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS
1980
0
A family move into a country house and experience occult goings on.
Disney's attempt at a horror film simply doesn't work; the makers couldn't stop fiddling with it even after it was released.
Dir: John Hough
Stars: Bette Davis, Lynn-Holly Johnson, Kyle Richards, Ian Bannen

WATCHMEN
2009
*
In an alternate 1985, a group of superheroes reform after one of their number is murdered.
An indulgent mess, the product of a director who either doesn’t have the courage or the skill to do his own adaptation of the graphic novel; there are many good things in it, but they are buried deep in its immense length.
Dir: Zack Snyder
Stars: Jackie Earle Haley, Billy Crudup, Malin Akerman, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Matthew Goode, Patrick Wilson

WATER
1985
*
A quiet Caribbean island is thrown into chaos when a source of natural mineral water is discovered there.
Hard working satirical comedy with a reliable cast.
Dir: Dick Clement
Stars: Michael Caine, Valerie Perrine, Brenda Vaccaro, Leonard Rossiter, Billy Connolly

WATERSHIP DOWN
1978
*
A pack of rabbits face many hazards after fleeing their warren.
As an animated movie judged by itself: not bad at all – a compelling story that tweaks the emotions. As an adaptation of one of the great works of children’s fiction, not so good: much of the material is excised (leaving a much more lightweight yarn), the rabbits are difficult to tell apart and the animation is rudimentary. Still, children clearly enjoy it, as evidenced by its numerous television appearances, although it is highly unsuitable for very young ones.
Dir: Martin Rosen
Voices: John Hurt, Richard Briers, Ralph Richardson, Zero Mostel, Simon Cadell, Roy Kinnear, Denholm Elliott, Hannah Gordon, Michael Horden, Joss Ackland

WAXWORK
1989
0
A wax museum owner uses his horror exhibits to unleash terror.
Cornball shocker which ends in an appropriately crazy, free-for-all fight.
Dir: Anthony Hickox
Stars: Zach Galligan, Patrick Macnee, David Warner, Miles O'Keeffe

THE WAY OF THE DRAGON
1973
**
A martial arts expert protects his relatives in Italy from a gang who are wrecking their restaurant trade.
Inspired vehicle for the awesome star here near his peak, this is a simple, powerful and brutally exciting thriller; the final showdown with Chuck Norris is perhaps the best martial arts fight ever put on screen.
Dir: Bruce Lee
Stars: Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Nora Miao

WAY OUT WEST
1937
****
Stan and Ollie head West to deliver a deed to young lady, but get the wrong one.
Laurel and Hardy's finest hour has little bits of everything that made them the world's most loved clowns: there's charming song and dance numbers, Ollie flirting with the ladies, Finlayson's stupendous double-takes, Stan's uncontrollable hysterics, surreal gags, running gags, brilliant dialogue and more. Not a single second is wasted.
Dir: James W Horne
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, James Finlayson, Sharon Lynn

THE WAY TO THE STARS
1945
***
Life at a bomber base during the Battle of Britain.
A remarkable if tragic period of history valuably transcribed, the film’s candid wit and understated tragedy and romance make it a very special experience, one to be treasured.
Dir: Anthony Asquith
Stars: Michael Redgrave, John Mills, Rosamund John, Stanley Holloway, Felix Aylmer, Basil Radford, Trevor Howard, Jean Simmons

WAYNE’S WORLD
1992
*
Two friends promote their public-access TV show.
At the time it seemed like a cinematic breath of fresh air, a Hellzapoppin for the '90s, but this zany comedy has not worn especially well thanks to a slew of similar productions.
Dir: Penelope Spheeris
Stars: Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Rob Lowe, Tia Carrere

WE FAW DOWN
1928
0
Stan and Ollie escape their wives to go to a poker game.
Not one of their most likeable shorts (the absence of dialogue doesn’t help), with routines that were more successfully incorporated into later features (like Sons Of The Desert and Blockheads).
Dir: Leo McCarey
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Vivien Oakland, Bess Flowers

THE WEATHER MAN
2005
**
A weather forecaster has problems with his ex wife, his dying father and members of the public throwing food at him in the street.
Pleasingly different, downbeat drama that's generally compelling and has quirky asides.
Dir: Gore Verbinski
Stars: Nicolas Cage, Michael Caine, Hope Davis

WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S
1989
*
Two friends have to pretend that their dead employer is still alive.
Frenzied comedy in bright settings that is good for a laugh.
Dir: Ted Kotcheff
Stars: Andrew McCarthy, Jonathan Silverman, Catherine Mary Stewart, Terry Kiser

WEIRD SCIENCE
1985
0
Two sex-hungry teenagers create what they think is the perfect woman.
Smutty, unsubtle and laboured comedy for teenagers only.
Dir: John Hughes
Stars: Anthony Michael Hall, Kelly LeBrock, Bill Paxton, Robert Downey Jr

WELCOME ABOARD TOXIC AIRLINES
2007
0
Documentary which alleges that passengers’ health is being put at risk by airlines, due to unfiltered air in the cabins.
A worthy low budget documentary that makes its sole point in its first minute and expands upon it for a further 90; occasionally you want to shout ‘Okay, we believe you - move on!’ Some unnatural interviewees and a less than sonorous narrator also diminish the impact, and a good 20 minutes could have been excised.
Dir: Tristan Loraine

WELCOME TO BLOOD CITY
1977
*
A group of people find themselves as slaves in a Wild West town with no knowledge of how they got there.
Confusing but painless sci-fi that's similar to both Westworld and The Prisoner episode Living In Harmony.
Dir: Peter Sasdy
Stars: Jack Palance, Keir Dullea, Samantha Eggar, Barry Morse

WENT THE DAY WELL?
1943
***
An English village is occupied by Nazi soldiers.
Engaging slice of propaganda; the first half is delightfully suspenseful, the second a great boy's own game of soldiers.
Dir: Alberto Cavalcanti
Stars: Leslie Banks, C V France, Frank Lawton, Thora Hird

THE WEREWOLF AND THE YETI
1975
0
While searching for the Yeti in the Himalayas, an explorer turns into a werewolf.
Dull and directionless horror with a few unintentional laughs, including the brief climactic clash between the titular characters (who look almost identical); one of the infamous Naschy’s many cheesy film outings and an official nasty in Britain – perhaps the censors should be thanked for helping people avoid so much dross.
Dir: Miguel Igleslias
Stars: Paul Naschy, Grace Mills, Silvia Solar

WEREWOLF OF LONDON
1935
*
A botanical doctor gets rather hairy after being bitten in the jungle.
The first and not so famous werewolf movie; some decent suspenseful sequences but too much jokey dialogue.
Dir: Stuart Walker
Stars: Henry Hull, Warner Oland, Valerie Hobson

THE WEREWOLF OF WASHINGTON
1973
*
A reporter close to the President is bitten by a werewolf.
Politicalised horror that hits a few targets.
Dir: Milton Moses Ginsberg
Stars: Dean Stockwell, Katalin Kallay, Henry Ferrentino

WEREWOLF WOMAN
1976
0
A woman becomes a nymphomaniac werewolf.
Confused Italian horror of no worth.
Dir: Rino Di Silvestro
Stars: Annik Borel, Howard Ross

WES CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE
1994
0
Freddy Krueger, upset at being killed off in the Nightmare movies, goes after the cast and crew.
What could have been a wildly imaginative shocker is just another bland, stupid and over-excited teenage flick.
Dir: Wes Craven
Stars: Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund, Wes Craven, John Saxon

WEST END JUNGLE
1961
*
Fictionalised incidents designed to illustrate how widespread prostitution was in London.
Endearing curio which has gained enormous nostalgia value and now seems like a comforting place to escape to; it is actually pretty well shot, generally brisk and although the narration is stern and moralising it’s very perceptive in its descriptions of both the vice trade and human nature.
Dir: Arnold L Miller
Narrator: David Gell

WEST SIDE STORY
1961
**
Two youngsters from rival street gangs fall in love with each other.
Away from its adoring fans, the following criticisms could be levelled at this big budget musical: violence is trivialised, the fights verge on being unintentionally funny, there’s only a couple of great tunes and it’s a long, boring movie. But you’d probably be complaining to deaf ears.
Dir: Jerome Robbins, Robert Wise
Stars: Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, Russ Tamblyn, Rita Moreno

WESTWORLD
1973
***
The realistic robots at an adult amusement park go berserk and start attacking customers.
First-rate mix of sci-fi and western-style thrills that's adeptly handled and highly enjoyable; Brynner as the killer who won't give up gives the film true class and several enduring images.
Dir: Michael Crichton
Stars: Yul Brynner, Richard Benjamin, James Brolin, Dick Van Patten
Sequel: Futureworld (qv)

WHAT?
1972
0
A sexy young girl causes mayhem at the house she goes to stay at.
Polanski's little seen black comedy is a dull, overlong, misfiring picture that isn't saved by its attractive setting and lead actress.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Marcello Mastroianni, Sydne Rome, Hugh Griffith, Roman Polanski

WHAT A CARVE UP!
1961
0
To claim an inheritance, a man must spend a night in a haunted house.
Creaky comedy which trots out every old dark house trick in the book.
Dir: Pat Jackson
Stars: Kenneth Connor, Sid James, Shirley Eaton, Donald Pleasence, Dennis Price, Michael Gough

WHAT A WHOPPER
1961
0
A writer fakes photos of the Loch Ness Monster in order to sell his book.
Mild comedy with interesting credits, including Terry Nation as writer and a cast full of familiar British comedic faces; it's a pleasant romp and little else, with a final frame that you can't help but grin at.
Dir: Gilbert Gunn
Stars: Adam Faith, Carole Lesley, Sidney James, Clive Dunn, Wilfrid Brambell, Terry Scott, Spike Milligan

WHAT BECAME OF JACK AND JILL?
1971
*
A man and woman covet an elderly lady for her money.
Moderate, confined suspenser with a silly conclusion.
Dir: Bill Bain
Stars: Vanessa Howard, Mona Washbourne, Paul Nicholas

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO A NAKED LADY?
1970
0
Candid Camera-style documentary assessing how people react to public nudity, and also interviewing them about sexual matters.
Not a funny film, or an especially compulsive one, but one with a wee bit of social value. Trouble is you can see this sort of thing done much better on television nowadays, and those looking for wall-to-wall sexiness and nudity will be disappointed.
Dir: Allen Funt

WHAT LIES BENEATH
2000
*
The wife of a professor investigates the death of one of his students.
Thriller with a big enough red herring to serve for Sunday lunch, it moves slowly while being all too frequently punctuated by sudden jolts, then offers a familiar climax.
Dir: Robert Zemeckis
Stars: Harrison Ford, Michelle Pfeiffer, Diana Scarwid, Joe Morton

WHAT THE SWEDISH BUTLER SAW
1975
0
A Victorian gentleman keeps a lithe young maid his prisoner.
Low budget Scandinavian sauce-fest with marginally more intelligence than some.
Dir: Vernon P Becker
Stars: Ole Soltoft, Sue Longhurst, Diana Dors

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO AUNT ALICE?
1969
*
An elderly woman goes to work for a widow who may know what happened to her missing friend.
Baby Jane-type melodramatics, competently done all round.
Dir: Lee H Katzin
Stars: Geraldine Page, Ruth Gordon, Rosemary Forsyth

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE?
1962
***
Two ageing actresses live in loathing and seclusion in a decaying Hollywood mansion.
Seminal horror drama that even had its title much imitated; effectively an extension of Sunset Boulevard, it remains startling viewing thanks to the way the ageing stars go at each other in a way not seen before.
Dir: Robert Aldrich
Stars: Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Victor Buono, Anna Lee

WHATEVER WORKS
2009
*
A misanthropic retired scientist has his life changed when he meets a 21-year-old Southern girl.
Another slightly stale Allen movie but one which eventually satisfactorily coalesces in the fashion of a Shakespearean comedy; there is wit and there is warmth, and the director’s agreeably secular outlook, but David is perhaps even less likeable than he’s meant to be and the philosophising is not especially fresh (the script had been around for 30 years). It’s unlikely to win Woody many new fans but may pacify some of those who’ve become unpleasantly critical of him in recent years.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Larry David, Evan Rachel Wood, Patricia Clarkson, Ed Begley Jr, Michael McKean

WHAT’S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE
1969
0
A middle-aged banker gets drawn into hippy culture.
The awful title song isn't a good omen, and this curio does turn out to be an embarrassing and naff sex comedy featuring a very uncomfortable star.
Dir: Menahem Golan
Stars: Norman Wisdom, Sally Geeson, Sarah Atkinson, David Lodge

WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT?
1965
0
A womaniser seeks the help of a doctor who also has a big thing for the opposite sex.
Unfocused and unattractive comedy which gave little indication of Allen's talents (he also scripted this mess).
Dir: Clive Donner
Stars: Peter Sellers, Peter O'Toole, Woody Allen, Ursula Andress, Capucine

WHAT’S UP, DOC?
1972
***
A music researcher's life is thrown into chaos when he meets a wild young woman at a convention.
Superlative screwball comedy (Remember them?, as the tagline went) whose dizzying succession of incident and cast of richly comic characters ensures that this is an enormously pleasurable and uproarious ride. Small details are perfectly judged and the setting feels open and inviting.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Ryan O'Neal, Barbra Streisand, Madeline Kahn, Kenneth Mars, Austin Pendleton, Liam Dunn

WHAT’S UP NURSE!
1977
0
An accident-prone doctor has amorous adventures.
Woeful British sex comedy with the usual ingredients (familiar faces, bad jokes, bare girls), its essentially old fashioned nature is confirmed by the closing wedding scenes.
Dir: Derek Ford
Stars: Nicholas Field, Felicity Devonshire, John Le Mesurier, Graham Stark, Peter Butterworth, Jack Douglas, Andrew Sachs

WHAT’S UP SUPERDOC!
1978
0
A doctor is in demand for his super-sperm.
Appalling rubbish, even worse than its predecessor - in fact, probably worse than the vast majority of films ever made.
Dir: Derek Ford
Stars: Christopher Mitchell, Harry H Corbett, Bill Pertwee, Julia Goodman

WHAT’S UP TIGER LILLY?
1966
0
A Japanese spy film with new dubbed-on commentary by Woody Allen. The story now has agents searching for an egg salad recipe.
A clever and original idea but it goes on for far too long and becomes boring.
Dir: Woody Allen/Senkichi Taniguchi
Stars: Woody Allen/Tatsuya Mihashi, Akiko Wakabayashi

WHEELS ON MEALS
1984
0
Two brothers who own a mobile restaurant help a detective friend find a female pickpocket.
Mugging comedy set in Barcelona, excessively stupid and infantile.
Dir: Sammo Hung Kam-Bo
Stars: Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung Kam-Bo, Lola Forner

WHEN COMEDY WAS KING
1959
***
Compilation of high quality silent comedy, including Laurel and Hardy in Big Business.
A valuable and joyous work in which the commentary hammers home the debt we owe to the performers.
Dir: Robert Youngson
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charles Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Harry Langdon, Charley Chase, Fatty Arbuckle, Snub Pollard, Ben Turpin, Edgar Kennedy

WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH
1969
0
A blonde tribeswoman encounters difficulties with dinosaurs and rival tribes.
Silly prehistoric antics in which the dialogue only consists of grunts and unfamiliar words; it’s film 'muzak' for the majority of its running time – and what’s funny is that they decided not to do the film in English in a vague effort to be ‘authentic’, when dinosaurs and people, who were separated by 65 million years, share the screen. It is always going to be difficult to engage a modern audience without proper dialogue, even if you have decent dino-effects and pneumatic cavewoman who forever look like they’re going to pop out of their stone-age bras.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Victoria Vetri, Robin Hawdon, Patrick Allen

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
1988
***
A man and a woman manage to maintain a relationship where they are just good friends.
Delightfully perceptive comic drama, like a warmer Woody Allen film.
Dir: Rob Reiner
Stars: Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, Carrie Fisher, Bruno Kirby

WHEN SATURDAY COMES
1995
*
A brewery worker eventually realises his dream of playing for Sheffield United.
Entirely predictable and clichéd old-fashioned drama; but since the makers know this and don’t care, why should we?
Dir: Maria Giese
Stars: Sean Bean, Emily Lloyd, Pete Postlethwaite, Craig Kelly

WHEN STRANGERS MARRY
1944
**
A woman begins to suspect her husband is a murderer.
Fast moving mystery which still holds the attention.
Dir: William Castle
Stars: Dean Jagger, Kim Hunter, Robert Mitchum

WHEN THE WIND BLOWS
1987
**
An elderly couple get on with life after a nuclear attack.
Misleadingly cosy cartoon that becomes incredibly bleak; very well done but the message is overstated and the couple do appear rather too ignorant.
Dir: Jimmy T Murakami
Voices: Peggy Ashcroft, John Mills

WHEN TIME RAN OUT
1980
0
An active volcano threatens a holiday resort.
The fag end of the disaster movie cycle, one that borrows much, including incidents and dialogue, from those that had gone before.
Dir: James Goldstone
Stars: Paul Newman, Jacqueline Bisset, William Holden, Edward Albert, Red Buttons, Barbara Carrera, Burgess Meredith, Ernest Borgnine

WHEN WE WERE KINGS
1997
***
Documentary about Ali's 'Rumble In The Jungle' against Foreman.
A film which catches the flavour and drama of the event marvellously.
Dir: Leon Gast
Stars: Muhammad Ali, George Foreman, Don King, James Brown

WHEN WILL I BE LOVED
2004
0
A young woman uses men for her own ends.
Obtuse talk piece, thought-provoking at best, cold and irrelevant at worst. The loud classical score is irritating.
Dir: James Toback
Stars: Neve Campbell, Fred Weller, Ashley Shelton, James Toback

WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE
1951
0
A planet flies towards Earth on collision course.
Insipid acting and scripting almost kills this sci-fi drama but the climactic special effects are suitably convincing, and turned up in other apocalyptic movies.
Dir: Rudolph Mate
Stars: Richard Derr, Barbara Rush, Peter Hansen

WHERE DOES IT HURT?
1971
0
A corrupt hospital chief tries to get insurance money out of his patients.
Sluggish, unlikeable comedy that represented a low for the star.
Dir: Rodney Amateau
Stars: Peter Sellers, Jo Ann Pflug, Harold Gould

WHERE EAGLES DARE
1969
***
Allies stage a raid on a castle where the Nazis are holding an American general prisoner.
Gripping and actionful war movie, the prototype of many others.
Dir: Brian G Hutton
Stars: Richard Burton, Clint Eastwood, Mary Ure, Patrick Wymark, Michael Horden, Donald Houston, Anton Diffring, Derren Nesbitt

WHERE THE BULLETS FLY
1966
0
Secret agent Charles Vine hunts down a special nuclear formula.
Dullish James Bond spoof with too much chat.
Dir: John Gilling
Stars: Tom Adams, Dawn Addams, Tim Barrett, Michael Ripper, Sid James

WHERE THERE’S A WILL
1936
*
An incompetent solicitor unwittingly becomes party to a bank robbery.
The star is slightly limited in this comedy which lacks the thrills of much of his later work.
Dir: William Beaudine
Stars: Will Hay, Graham Moffatt, H F Maltby

WHERE’S THAT FIRE?
1940
*
A hopeless fire brigade struggle to put out fires...
Not one of the greatest comedies from these three stars, with an overly hectic plot, but still very funny in places.
Dir: Marcel Varnel
Stars: Will Hay, Moore Marriott, Graham Moffatt, Charles Hawtrey

THE WHIP HAND
1951
*
A reporter stumbles on a town with a secret.
A small town with a guilty secret, here adapted to the then current phenomenon of McCarthyism; cheaply done but a minor pleasure.
Dir: William Cameron Menzies
Stars: Elliott Reid, Carla Balenda, Raymond Burr

WHIPPED
2000
*
Three egotistical men start dating the same hot woman.
Opinion could go two ways on this comedy: it's either sharp, witty, fast moving and funny, or obnoxious, misogynistic, crude and unoriginal. Twentysomething men may be more likely to think the former.
Dir: Peter M Cohen
Stars: Amanda Peet, Brian Van Holt, Judah Domke

WHIRLPOOL
1970
0
A model visits the isolated country house of an odd, possibly murderous, couple.
The director’s first film sets the tone for his future ones: sleaze in rural settings. Overall this is thin gruel but quite enticing in its slow, strange way.
Dir: Joseph Larraz
Stars: Karl Lanchbury, Vivian Neves, Pia Andersson

WHISKY GALORE
1948
***
A tiny Scottish island is in luck when a ship's cargo of fifty thousand whisky bottles washes up ashore.
Quintessential Ealing comedy that displays all that was good about that studio.
Dir: Alexander Mackendrick
Stars: Basil Radford, Catherine Lacey, Bruce Seton, Joan Greenwood, Jean Cadell, Gordon Jackson, James Robertson Justice

WHISPERING GHOSTS
1942
0
An actor who plays a detective tries to solve a real mystery.
Inexpensive comedy mostly set on a ship; the majority of the characters are now extremely dated.
Dir: Alfred L Werker
Stars: Milton Berle, Brenda Joyce, John Carradine, Willie Best

WHISPERS
1989
0
A woman is plagued by a psychopath.
This cut-price thriller had ‘straight to video’ written all over it, which is exactly what happened. The female star’s brief vogue as a leading lady was mysterious indeed.
Dir: Douglas Jackson
Stars: Victoria Tennant, Jean LeClerc, Chris Sarandon

WHISTLE DOWN THE WIND
1961
*
Lancashire schoolchildren discover a criminal hiding in their father's barn and assume him to be Jesus.
Curious little allegory affectionately remembered by many: viewed now it can be interpreted in different ways, although the most realistic interpretation is surely that children are easily deluded and there is nothing quite so delusional as religious faith. Perhaps because of this it fails to be as affecting as one might hope, with even Bates' performance appearing distinctly understated, but its naturalistic feel and raw location shooting give it a rare, salty atmosphere.
Dir: Bryan Forbes
Stars: Hayley Mills, Alan Bates, Bernard Lee, Norman Bird

THE WHITE BUFFALO
1977
0
Wild Bill Hickok obsessively hunts a large white buffalo.
Empty mystic western with clumsy attempts at symbolism and an absurd looking monster.
Dir: J Lee Thompson
Stars: Charles Bronson, Jack Warden, Clint Walker, Kim Novak, John Carradine

WHITE CARGO
1973
0
A daydreamer happens upon women being kidnapped and shipped to the Far East.
Feeble mini-budgeter with a script dragged in by the cat; a victim of all kinds of production difficulties (it was originally written for The Goodies), it mysteriously turns up on television more than any other ’70s British sex comedy.
Dir: Ray Selfe
Stars: David Jason, Hugh Lloyd, Dave Prowse, Sue Bond

WHITE DOG
1982
*
A dog is trained to attack black people.
Unusual, low key drama that sometimes resembles an animal behaviour film but also serves up some nicely crafted suspense.
Dir: Samuel Fuller
Stars: Kirsty McNichol, Christa Lang, Vernon Weddle

WHITE MISCHIEF
1987
*
In colonial Kenya, a woman is unfaithful to her rich, older husband.
An interesting, sometimes spicy tale lifted by a fine cast but dragged down by overlong court scenes.
Dir: Michael Radford
Stars: Greta Scacchi, Charles Dance, Joss Ackland, Sarah Miles, Geraldine Chaplin, John Hurt, Trevor Howard, Hugh Grant

WHITE ZOMBIE
1932
**
A young man uses witchcraft to try and get his girlfriend back, but it goes horribly wrong.
The first zombie film is an atmospheric artefact that still impresses visually if not script-wise. Playing like the highly theatrical early cinema production it is, it’s slow, simple and creaky, and likely only suitable for old movie fans, but retains a warped air of strangeness that makes it tolerable.
Dir: Victor Halperin
Stars: Bela Lugosi, Madge Bellamy, Joseph Cawthron, Robert Frazer

WHO?
1974
*
A scientist disappears but reappears later with a different face.
Mildly intriguing sci-fi spy drama that suffered limited distribution.
Dir: Jack Gold
Stars: Elliott Gould, Trevor Howard, Joseph Bova

WHO CAN KILL A CHILD?
1976
**
An English couple visit a Spanish island which has been completely taken over by children.
When it begins with seven minutes of credits featuring archival footage from atrocities against mankind, especially children, you know this is something a bit different: as it is, the deserted setting and nature gone crazy idea (a la Hitchcock’s The Birds) are familiar enough but it does deliver plenty of jolts and unusual thrills in the form of the battle between the man and the children. The sunny setting is a plus too, but the story is a little stretched out.
Dir: Narciso Ibáñez Serrador
Stars: Lewis Fiander, Prunella Ransome

WHO DARES WINS
1982
0
An SAS commando foils a radical terrorist group.
Blood and thunder that's difficult to take seriously.
Dir: Ian Sharp
Stars: Lewis Collins, Judy Davis, Ingrid Pitt, Richard Widmark, Edward Woodward, Kenneth Griffith

WHO DONE IT?
1956
0
A buffoon becomes a private detective and happens upon a dastardly plan by East European scientists.
Ealing’s last film, and Benny Hill’s first, is a tiresome, incredulous comedy that tries too hard to be hysterical and ends up very flat.
Dir: Basil Dearden
Stars: Benny Hill, Belinda Lee, David Kossoff, Ernest Thesiger

WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT
1988
***
A detective helps out a cartoon rabbit who has been accused of murder.
When this first came out it was a marvel - audiences had never seen its like before, an ingenious and freewheeling mixing of animation and live action, with attitude. Viewed now, after special effects have moved forward considerably, it seems far less effective but still retains a cheeky charm.
Dir: Robert Zemeckis
Stars: Bob Hoskins, Christopher Lloyd, Joanna Cassidy, Charles Fleischer

WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR?
2006
*
Documentary focusing on General Motors’ decision to stop production of their electric car.
A sort of low calorie Michael Moore, this makes its thin and rather arid subject matter reasonably intriguing, although it’s roughly as convincing as the titular automobile is.
Dir: Chris Paine
Narrator: Martin Sheen

WHO SAW HER DIE?
1972
0
After his daughter is murdered, a father attempts to find the killer.
Sloppy giallo which looks – and sounds – good but is saddled with a vacant script and cardboard characters.
Dir: Aldo Lado
Stars: George Lazenby, Anita Strindberg, Adolfo Celi, Peter Chatel

WHO SLEW AUNTIE ROO?
1971
0
A mad old woman lures unsuspecting women to her mansion.
Slim, genteel horror that’s as mild as a sea breeze.
Dir: Curtis Harrington
Stars: Shelley Winters, Mark Lester, Ralph Richardson, Lionel Jeffries, Hugh Griffith

WHOOPS APOCALYPSE
1987
*
When a small British colony is invaded by its communist neighbour, a chain of events is set in motion that may lead to World War 3.
Patchy film version of a zany TV comedy, a bit of a mish-mash of comic styles.
Dir: Tom Bussmann
Stars: Loretta Swit, Peter Cook, Rik Mayall, Ian Richardson, Herbert Lom, Shane Rimmer

WHO’S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?
1966
*
An alcoholic couple quarrel when guests come over.
Deeply dislikeable drama that presents two obnoxious, maladroit characters and two simpering, irritating ones, all of whom should be confined to a madhouse; the incessant, weird, tedious rows drill into the brain like a thousand episodes of EastEnders watched at once and surely only an audience of actors could get something out of it. But it ushered in a new era of cinematic permissiveness, so that’s alright then.
Dir: Mike Nichols
Stars: Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor, George Segal, Sandy Dennis

WHOSE CHILD AM I?
1975
*
A couple struggle to conceive.
Curious, moderately straight-laced drama with many sketchily developed sub-plots, it at times resembles a daytime soap opera with some nudity thrown in. Not exactly sophisticated, but not too painful either.
Dir: Gerry O'Hara
Stars: Kate O'Mara, Paul Freeman, Edward Judd

WHY GIRLS LOVE SAILORS
1927
0
An unfaithful sea captain gets his comeuppance.
An early joint screen venture for Stan and Ollie, with Ollie particularly far-removed from his usual genial character and Stan spending most of the time in drag. To be brutally honest, there’s now not a single thing to laugh at in it.
Dir: Fred Guiol
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Anita Garvin, Viola Richard

WHY MAN CREATES
1968
*
Animation detailing man's evolution.
Fondly remembered by a certain age group of American high schoolers, this short now appears rather frazzled and downright strange.
Dir: Elaine Bass, Saul Bass

WHY WORRY?
1923
**
A rich businessman attempts to find peace in the Tropics but instead finds himself caught up in a revolution.
Frequently delightful vehicle for the enormously talented star.
Dir: Fred C Newmeyer, Sam Taylor
Stars: Harold Lloyd, Jobyna Ralston, John Aasen

THE WICKED LADY
1983
0
An aristocratic woman turns to robbery for thrills.
Sexed up remake of the 1945 corset-buster that's heavily reliant on the star cast.
Dir: Michael Winner
Stars: Faye Dunaway, Alan Bates, John Gielgud, Denholm Elliott, Prunella Scales, Oliver Tobias, Glynis Barber, Joan Hickson

WICKED STEPMOTHER
1989
0
A woman discovers that her father has married a strange old woman.
Whimsical fantasy which reminds one of those jaded Disney kids' films from the '70s. The exit of Bette Davis half way through is jarring and cringe-worthy (Davis quit the movie and died months afterwards).
Dir: Larry Cohen
Stars: Bette Davis, Barbara Carrera, Colleen Camp, Lionel Stander

THE WICKER MAN
1973
****
A God-fearing detective visits a remote Scottish island to investigate the disappearance of a schoolgirl.
Wholly effective horror that's like no other; bracingly original and constantly surprising, it benefits from raw location shooting and Woodward's magnificent performance as the policeman who maintains his unbending beliefs to the end. It exists in several slightly different versions.
Dir: Robin Hardy
Stars: Edward Woodward, Christopher Lee, Britt Ekland, Ingrid Pitt

WICKER PARK
2004
*
An advertising executive becomes obsessed with a woman he spots in a café.
Curious, choppy romantic thriller in which the flashbacks in the latter half of the film demonstrate that the first hour wasn't as deeply uninteresting as we thought at the time.
Dir: Paul McGuigan
Stars: Josh Hartnett, Rose Byrne, Matthew Lillard, Diane Kruger

WIDE SARGASSO SEA
1991
*
In 1840s Jamaica, a female landowner marries an Englishman to avoid losing her property.
Reasonably faithful, somewhat plodding adaptation of an innovative novel that was a prequel to Jane Eyre; the emphasis here is on the eroticism.
Dir: John Duigan
Stars: Karina Lombard, Nathaniel Parker, Rachel Ward, Michael York

THE WIFE SWAPPERS
1969
0
Suburban couples spice their love lives up.
Now an obscure artefact, once a wildly popular and infamous blue movie, this hysterical gem is most likely to crack modern viewers up with its moralising narration.
Dir: Derek Ford
Stars: James Donnelly, Larry Taylor, Valerie St John

WILD AT HEART
1990
**
Two young lovers go on the run from the girl's murderous mother.
Strange mixture of sex, violence and talking which manages to be something original.
Dir: David Lynch
Stars: Nicolas Cage, Laura Dern, Willem Dafoe, Crispin Glover, Diane Ladd

THE WILD BUNCH
1969
**
An aging group of outlaws look for one last big score.
Laconic, nihilistic western that intermittently bursts into violent life.
Dir: Sam Peckinpah
Stars: William Holden, Ernest Borgnine, Robert Ryan, Edmond O'Brien, Warren Oates, Ben Johnson

WILD COUNTRY
2005
0
Youths on a camping trip are menaced by a vicious monster.
Ultra low budget horror, just over an hour long, that fails to be of any interest despite hard work all around; the plot is overly familiar and the youths ghastly.
Dir: Craig Strachan
Stars: Samantha Shields, Martin Compston, Peter Capaldi

WILD MAN BLUES
1998
*
Documentary about Woody Allen on tour with his jazz band.
Easy-going documentary with a few hilarious and fascinating moments, but not quite enough of them. And dare we say that there’s too much jazz in it...
Dir: Barbara Kopple
Stars: Woody Allen, Soon-Yi Previn

THE WILD ONE
1954
**
Motorcycle gangs terrorise a small town.
Puzzlingly banned in Britain for 12 years - because the establishment do win in it - this is an important and occasionally exciting film which gave Brando one of his earliest iconic performances.
Dir: Laszlo Benedek
Stars: Marlon Brando, Mary Murphy, Robert Keith, Lee Marvin

WILD ORCHID
1990
0
A female lawyer and a millionaire have a passionate affair.
Vacuous drama that offers little other than glossy sex.
Dir: Zalman King
Stars: Mickey Rourke, Carre Otis, Jacqueline Bisset, Bruce Greenwood

WILD POSES
1933
0
An ‘Our Gang’ short, in which Spanky’s parents take him to get his portrait taken.
One idea stretched thinly, but there are amusing moments and a very brief cameo from Laurel and Hardy, looking like they did in 1930’s Brats (qv). For someone coming fresh to Our Gang, it’s a slightly odd experience.
Dir: Robert F McGowan
Stars: George McGarland, Franklin Pangborn, Gay Seabrook, Emerson Treacy, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy

WILD STRAWBERRIES
1957
***
An old man taking a road trip to collect an award thinks back over his life.
Bergman's oft returned to theme, the weariness of existence, is here given one of his most accessible frameworks, with proper pacing and everything.
Dir: Ingmar Bergman
Stars: Victor Sjostrom, Ingrid Thulin, Gunnar Bjornstrand, Bib Andersson

THE WILD WILD WEST REVISITED
1979 (TV)
0
Secret agents investigate when it looks like heads of state have been replaced by replicas.
Reprisal of the popular TV series, surprisingly tolerable considering its demented storyline.
Dir: Burt Kennedy
Stars: Robert Conrad, Ross Martin, Paul Williams

THE WILD WOMEN OF WONGO
1958
0
A tribe of women come to realise there is a male tribe on the other side of their island.
Hilarious but rather boring farrago, utterly incompetent on every level.
Dir: James L Wolcott
Stars: Jean Hawkshaw, Mary Ann Webb, Cande Gerrard

THE WILDCATS OF ST TRINIAN’S
1980
0
The naughty schoolgirls go on strike.
Odd tail end of the [pretty poor] series, not remarkable except for the fact that it's surprisingly sexy, often resembling a soft core sex comedy.
Dir: Frank Launder
Stars: Sheila Hancock, Michael Horden, Thorley Walters, Rodney Bewes, Luan Peters

WILL ANY GENTLEMAN...?
1953
0
A mild bank clerk’s life spirals into chaos after he is hypnotised on stage.
Frantic rushing about in a colourful suburbia: it rarely clicks as well as it no doubt did on stage and the high-spirited cast struggle to keep it from being underwhelming.
Dir: Michael Anderson
Stars: George Cole, Jon Pertwee, Sidney James, Joan Sims, William Hartnell, Veronica Hurst

WILL SUCCESS SPOIL ROCK HUNTER?
1957
*
An ad man has to pretend to be in love with a dizzy blonde actress to save his career.
Frantic satire on TV advertising which doesn't come off despite some nice ideas.
Dir: Frank Tashlin
Stars: Tony Randall, Jayne Mansfield, Joan Blondell

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S ROMEO + JULIET
1996
**
Two young lovers fall for each other despite their warring families.
One of the boldest and brassiest Shakespeare adaptations, made with a lot of energy and visual panache.
Dir: Baz Luhrmann
Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Claire Danes, John Leguizamo, Pete Postlethwaite, Brian Dennehy

WILLOW
1988
*
A dwarf must protect a special baby from an evil queen.
Every fantastical character you could think of, including a talking goat, is thrown into this action-packed brew which, while no classic, is a fun ride.
Dir: Ron Howard
Stars: Val Kilmer, Joanne Whalley, Jean Marsh, Pat Roach, Patricia Hayes

WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
1971
***
A young lad wins a trip to a magical confectionary factory.
Memorable version of Roald Dahl's book that captures the macabre humour of the original and conjures up some magical moments and enduring images.
Dir: Mel Stuart
Stars: Gene Wilder, Jack Albertson, Peter Ostrum, Roy Kinnear

WILT
1989
**
A teacher is suspected of killing his wife, whom he hates.
A successful transfer of Tom Sharpe to the big screen, and a fresh and funny vehicle for two excellent television comedians.
Dir: Michael Tuchner
Stars: Griff Rhys Jones, Mel Smith, Alison Steadman, Diana Quick

WINDBAG THE SAILOR
1936
*
An incompetent sea captain is put in charge of an unseaworthy vessel.
True to type Hay vehicle - the occasional corniness and stiltedness just help to enhance enjoyment.
Dir: William Beaudine
Stars: Will Hay, Moore Marriott, Graham Moffatt, Gina Malo

THE WINDOW
1949
**
A boy with a reputation for telling tall tales witnesses a murder.
Small-scale, punchy thriller, probably the best of many similar films it inspired.
Dir: Ted Tetzlaff
Stars: Bobby Driscoll, Barbara Hale, Arthur Kennedy, Ruth Roman, Paul Stewart

A WINDOW IN LONDON
1939
0
A man witnesses a murder through the windows of a passing train.
Don't let the attractive synopsis entice you into seeing this limp, very minor thriller in which the incident is forgotten about five minutes after it has occurred.
Dir: Herbert Mason
Stars: Michael Redgrave, Sally Gray, Paul Lukas

WINGS
1927
*
Two friends join the Air Force to fight in the Great War.
The first winner of the Best Picture Oscar probably wasn’t the best film of its year (Sunrise and The Jazz Singer each have a good claim to that title), and it proves a little arduous to view for its entire running time now, but there is cinematic ambition on show and the aerial sequences are genuinely impressive – even if screen cards frequently interject to explain what’s going on.
Dir: William Wellman
Stars: Charles Buddy Rogers, Clara Bow, Richard Arlen, Gary Cooper

WINGS OF DESIRE
1987
*
An angel looking down on Berlin falls in love with a trapeze artist.
Virtually plotless oddity that quickly descends into unwatchableness.
Dir: Wim Wenders
Stars: Bruno Ganz, Solveig Dommartin, Peter Falk

WIRED
1989
0
The ghost of John Belushi looks back on his turbulent life.
Unusually done fantasia on the life of the not terribly sympathetic comedian; it doesn't really work but some of the scenes of drug abuse are horribly fascinating.
Dir: Larry Peerce
Stars: Michael Chiklis, Ray Sharkey, J T Walsh

WISHBABY
2007
0
A schoolgirl makes a doll that appears to grant wishes, especially malevolent ones.
Very low budget horror moderately well done on its own terms, although it’s difficult to guess who might take pleasure in it aside from people who know the cast or crew. It plays like a gritty urban drama with supernatural asides.
Dir: Stephen W Parsons
Stars: Tiana Benjamin, Doc Brown, Fenella Fielding

THE WITCH WHO CAME FROM THE SEA
1976
0
A woman with a disturbed childhood carries out violent acts on unsuspecting men.
Weird but not wonderful psychological drama with a super-strange lead character who spouts a lot of dull dialogue; the enterprise has a small amount of worth but the one-toneness of the content and the director’s doziness are deleterious.
Dir: Matt Cimber
Stars: Millie Perkins, Lonny Chapman, Vanessa Brown

WITCHCRAFT
1964
0
A witch is revived by workmen digging up a graveyard.
Simplistic and largely atmosphere-free horror nonsense with several scenes that go on considerably longer than they need to – they could have boiled the movie down to 15 minutes, which is more than the length of time Chaney has on screen.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars: Jack Hedley, Lon Chaney Jr, Marie Ney, Jill Dixon

WITCHCRAFT
1988
0
A young mother suspects that her husband is a Satanist who wants her baby.
Incompetent Rosemary's Baby rip-off with lots of attempted suspense build-ups which go nowhere.
Dir: Rob Spera
Stars: Anat Topol, Gary Sloan, Mary Shelley

WITCHCRAFT II: THE TEMPTRESS
1989
0
A witch tries to turn a teenager to Satan.
Truly terrible horror, utterly abysmal in every respect.
Dir: Mark Woods
Stars: Charles Solomon, Delia Sheppard, David Homb

THE WITCHES
1966
0
A woman takes a job as a teacher in a small English village which appears to be home to a coven of witches.
Sluggish chiller with a stupid climax.
Dir: Cyril Frankel
Stars: Joan Fontaine, Kay Walsh, Alec McCowen, Leonard Rossiter

THE WITCHES
1990
*
A young boy stumbles into a witches convention.
An interesting combination, Roeg and Roald Dahl, create a quirky and imaginative junior horror film: perhaps one for the children before they graduate on to the real, gory thing.
Dir: Nicolas Roeg
Stars: Anjelica Huston, Mai Zetterling, Jane Horrocks, Rowan Atkinson

THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK
1987
**
Three single women wish for a horny devil and have their wish granted.
Fresh and literate comedy exhibiting an air of freedom.
Dir: George Miller
Stars: Jack Nicholson, Cher, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer

WITCHFINDER GENERAL
1968
***
During the English Civil War, witchfinder Matthew Hopkins travels the country persecuting women he believes are impure.
One of Britain's more unique horror films, a brooding tale of sadism shot in front of gorgeous East Anglian scenery. Perhaps a little stodgy dramatically at times, it is nevertheless raw and atmospheric, remarkably capturing the feel of the period, and offers a performance from Price that is among his best and most restrained.
Dir: Michael Reeves
Stars: Vincent Price, Ian Ogilvy, Rupert Davies, Patrick Wymark, Hilary Dwyer, Wilfrid Brambell, Nicky Henson

THE WITCHMAKER
1969
0
An elderly witch hunts beautiful young women to rejuvenate herself.
Low budget horror from the swamps of Louisiana that would have benefited from more flesh and blood - perhaps they should have waited a year or two for more freedom.
Dir: William O Brown
Stars: Anthony Eisley, Thordis Brandt, Alvy Moore

WITH LOVE AND HISSES
1927
0
Soldiers in training get involved in various scrapes, including losing their clothes.
Notable only for being an early example of the three stars interacting, this is a loose, plotless short with a few mildly risqué gags; you wouldn’t care to watch it twice.
Dir: Fred Guiol
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, James Finlayson

WITHNAIL AND I
1987
***
At the end of the 1960s, two boozers head to the Lake District for some relaxation.
Much mentioned and eminently quotable but rather slow comic drama in which the thinness of the plot becomes evident after the pair head to the Lakes. There's much to enjoy, including the ripe performances and recreation of a magic period, but it's not quite the movie it might have been.
Dir: Bruce Robinson
Stars: Richard E Grant, Paul McGann, Richard Griffiths, Ralph Brown, Michael Elphick

WITHOUT A CLUE
1988
**
Sherlock Holmes is a drunken fool and it is Dr Watson who is the real detective genius.
A pleasant evening's entertainment: like a Holmes mystery with the added bonus of several belly laughs. The joke goes on a little long but most of the performances have the requisite lightness of touch, particularly Caine’s.
Dir: Thom Eberhardt
Stars: Michael Caine, Ben Kingsley, Jeffrey Jones, Lysette Anthony, Nigel Davenport

WITNESS
1985
***
A policeman goes to Amish country to protect a boy who has seen a murder.
Nicely mounted thriller on a familiar theme but with a few new twists, including the depiction of the Amish way of life which, if anything, is overly sympathetic.
Dir: Peter Weir
Stars: Harrison Ford, Kelly McGillis, Lukas Haas, Danny Glover

WITNESS FOR THE PROSECUTION
1957
***
A man goes on trial for the murder of a rich widow, and there are a few shocks in store.
Rarely bettered courtroom drama that combines sophisticated wit, a surprise-filled script and Laughton's juicy performance as the eccentric lawyer.
Dir: Billy Wilder
Stars: Charles Laughton, Tyrone Power, Marlene Dietrich, Elsa Lanchester

THE WIZARD OF OZ
1939
***
Farm girl Dorothy is swept away to a magical land where she embarks on a journey to find a wizard at the end of a yellow brick road.
Outstanding fantasy that has retained its freshness thanks to the cast's enthusiasm, the glorious art direction and the mellifluous tunes. A few things that might strike the modern viewer: the stagey, pantomime-like feel, the often immobile camera, the scary bits that are still sure to imprint themselves on young minds.
Dir: Victor Fleming
Stars: Judy Garland, Frank Morgan, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, Jack Haley, Billie Burke, Margaret Hamilton

WMD: WEAPONS OF MASS DECEPTION
2004
*
Documentary examining the perceived right-wing bias of the American media in their coverage of the second war against Iraq.
Breathless polemic that makes some salient points but is as relentless and noisy as a dentist's drill.
Dir: Danny Schechter

WOLF CREEK
2005
***
Three backpackers meet with trouble in the Australian Outback.
Classy thriller which avoids the obvious and convincingly creates the feeling that the characters are all alone in their terrifying situation; it also features one of the most despicably evil villains seen on the screen in recent years.
Dir: Greg McLean
Stars: John Jarratt, Cassandra Magrath, Kestie Morassi, Nathan Phillips

THE WOLF MAN
1940
***
A man is bitten by a werewolf and unfortunately becomes one himself.
Although perhaps narrowly lacking the raw qualities of Universal's Dracula and Frankenstein interpretations, this entertaining horror offers much that's good, including a really top drawer cast.
Dir: George Waggner
Stars: Lon Chaney Jr, Claude Rains, Bela Lugosi, Ralph Bellamy, Patric Knowles, Evelyn Ankers, Warren Williams, Maria Ouspenskaya

WOLFEN
1981
*
A New York cop investigates a series of violent slayings.
Boringly 'realistic' shocker which over-uses its best idea, that of subjective views through the creature's eyes.
Dir: Michael Wadleigh
Stars: Albert Finney, Diane Venora, Edward James Olmos

THE WOLVES OF WILLOUGHBY CHASE
1988
*
In an old Victorian house, two girls are persecuted by an evil governess.
Old fashioned junior adventure which may keep youngsters quiet.
Dir: Stuart Orme
Stars: Stephanie Beacham, Mel Smith, Emily Hudson, Richard O'Brien, Jane Horrocks

THE WOMAN IN BLACK
1989 (TV)
*
A young solicitor in a seaside town keeps seeing a mysterious woman in black.
Cold, restrained chiller with effective moments.
Dir: Herbert Wise
Stars: Adrian Rawlins, Bernard Hepton, David Daker

THE WOMAN IN GREEN
1945
*
Sherlock Holmes has a case involving hypnotists, a mysterious woman and Professor Moriarty.
The plot may be faintly absurd but the multi-faceted mystery moves at a fair pace and allows both Watson his comic bumbling about hypnotism and Holmes a suspenseful climactic near-demise atop a precarious ledge.
Dir: Roy William Neill
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Hillary Brooke, Henry Daniell

THE WOMAN IN RED
1984
*
A middle-aged man becomes infatuated with a younger woman in a silk red dress.
Simple comedy, palatable apart from the hideous song I Just Called To Say I Love You.
Dir: Gene Wilder
Stars: Gene Wilder, Kelly LeBrock, Charles Grodin, Joseph Bologna

THE WOMAN IN THE WINDOW
1944
***
A man becomes obsessed with the picture of a woman he sees.
Excellent thriller with absorbing plot development.
Dir: Fritz Lang
Stars: Edward G Robinson, Joan Bennett, Raymond Massey

WOMAN ON TOP
2000
0
A beautiful cook moves from Brazil to San Francisco and gets her own TV show.
Feather-light whimsy, not easy to connect with or care about; it lacks original ideas and a basic point.
Dir: Fina Torres
Stars: Penelope Cruz, Murilo Benicio, Harold Perrneau

WOMAN TIMES SEVEN
1967
0
Seven tales of adultery: Funeral Procession, Amateur Night, Super Simone, At The Opera, The Suicides, Snow and Two Against One.
Unwatchable portmanteau which allows the female star to act her very weirdest.
Dir: Vittorio De Sica
Stars: Shirley MacLaine, Peter Sellers, Lex Barker, Robert Morley, Patrick Wymark, Adrienne Corri, Alan Arkin, Michael Caine, Anita Ekberg

WOMANEATER
1958
0
A mad doctor feeds women to a monster plant he acquired in the Amazon.
Anaemic horror of limited value. There are, however, some nice location shots of night-time central London.
Dir: Charles Saunders
Stars: George Coulouris, Vera Day, Robert MacKenzie

WOMEN BEHIND BARS
1975
0
A woman is thrown into prison for killing her robber boyfriend.
The director may count this among one of his best films, but apart from Romay’s nakedness it has little to recommend it – dramatically it’s completely lackadaisical and the camerawork is as shonky as Franco’s always is.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Lina Romay, Martine Stedil, Nathalie Chape

WOMEN IN LOVE
1969
***
The love lives of two couples in the early 1900s.
Ken Russell’s best film is a D H Lawrence adaptation that skilfully captures both the outlandish spirit of the book and the time period it is set in.
Dir: Ken Russell
Stars: Alan Bates, Oliver Reed, Glenda Jackson, Jennie Linden, Eleanor Bron, Michael Gough

WONDER MAN
1945
*
A man comes back as a ghost to solve a murder.
Bright comedy with impressive special effects.
Dir: H Bruce Humberstone
Stars: Danny Kaye, Virginia Mayo, Otto Kruger, Huntz Hall

WONDERLAND
2000
***
Love lives of Londoners at the end of the 20th century.
Naturalistic drama that's partly uplifting and partly depressing but has much to commend it including excellent performances, unusual photography and sharp scripting.
Dir: Michael Winterbottom
Stars: Gina McKee, Ian Hart, Shirley Henderson, John Simm

THE WOODEN HORSE
1950
**
British POWs attempt to escape from Nazi Germany.
Brisk, efficient war drama with suspenseful sequences.
Dir: Jack Lee
Stars: Leo Genn, David Tomlinson, Anthony Steel, Peter Finch

WOODSTOCK
1970
**
Chronicle of the 1969 music festival.
A mammoth documentary that was a technical triumph; the musical performances are variable but the film also candidly captures funny and quirky asides.
Dir: Michael Wadleigh
Stars: The Who, Jimi Hendrix, Ten Years After, Joe Cocker, Canned Heat

WORK IS A FOUR LETTER WORD
1967
0
A bored worker brightens his existence up by growing hallucinogenic plants.
Dreamy, camp comedy that isn’t as funny as it thinks.
Dir: Peter Hall
Stars: David Warner, Cilla Black, David Waller

WORKING GIRL
1988
*
A secretary pretends she is her boss.
Old fashioned comedy made with a light touch.
Dir: Mike Nichols
Stars: Harrison Ford, Sigourney Weaver, Melanie Griffith, Alec Baldwin, Joan Cusack

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP
1982
**
A writer struggles while his friend has a sex change.
Unusual and intelligent drama mixing dark humour and tragedy; its quirks include John Lithgow as a woman.
Dir: George Roy Hill
Stars: Robin Williams, Mary Beth Hurt, Glenn Close, John Lithgow, Hume Cronyn

THE WORLD IS FULL OF MARRIED MEN
1979
0
A businessman who has affairs gets his comeuppance when his wife is also unfaithful.
Utter garbage which makes The Bitch look like a classic; the 'pop star' scenes are particularly laughable.
Dir: Robert Young
Stars: Anthony Franciosa, Carroll Baker, Paul Nicholas, Gareth Hunt

THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH
1999
*
James Bond battles a terrorist who cannot feel pain.
The formula as before with a few minor tweaks; Carlyle is disappointingly bland, Richards looks better than she acts, Brosnan is fine, and the opening sequence may well be the highlight of the movie.
Dir: Michael Apted
Stars: Pierce Brosnan, Sophie Marceau, Robert Carlyle, Denise Richards, Robbie Coltrane, Judi Dench, Desmond Llewelyn, John Cleese

THE WORLD OF ABBOTT AND COSTELLO
1965
*
Compilation of clips from 19 Abbott and Costello movies.
Considering these comedians were less than terrific, this is surprisingly untaxing viewing, certainly preferable to sitting through most of the features on show here.
Dir: Sidney Miller
Narrator: Jack E Leonard. Stars: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello

THE WORLD OF APU
1959
**
A jobless ex-student gets a big surprise when he attends a wedding.
The final part of Ray’s Apu trilogy is a gently affecting tale of muted love and loss, made with enormous care – he is certainly among India’s best ever directors (not that there’s a lot of competition). Note how critics rarely draw attention to the film’s illustration of this culture’s disdain for women’s choices.
Dir: Satyajit Ray
Stars: Soumitra Chatterjee, Sharmila Tagore, Alok Chakravarty

THE WORLD OF HENRY ORIENT
1964
*
Two teenagers become obsessed with a concert pianist.
Odd little drama, difficult to categorise but certainly sweet enough to look at and listen to.
Dir: George Roy Hill
Stars: Peter Sellers, Paula Prentiss, Angela Lansbury, Tom Bosley

THE WORLD TEN TIMES OVER
1963
*
A busy day in the life of two nightclub hostesses in London.
Downbeat drama with flashes of style, given life by extensive location shooting, including the seamy Soho streets (always nice to see in a Sixties drama). The two female leads are mildly irritating, although Sim’s portrayal has some meat on it and Hartnell could still turn in a strong performance at this point.
Dir: Wolf Rilla
Stars: Sylvia Sim, June Ritchie, William Hartnell, Edward Judd

THE WORLD’S GREATEST ATHLETE
1973
0
A coach discovers an incredible white runner in Africa.
Simple-minded kids’ comedy which doesn't stray far from the Seventies Disney formula.
Dir: Robert Scheerer
Stars: Tim Conway, Jan-Michael Vincent, John Amos

THE WRAITH
1987
0
A boy returns from the dead as a vengeful biker.
A mix of horror, car races and pop music, and full of plot holes and idiotic characters.
Dir: Mike Marvin
Stars: Charlie Sheen, Nick Cassavetes, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid

THE WRECKING CREW
1968
0
Secret agent Matt Helm goes after stolen gold.
Last of these slightly crummy James Bond imitations.
Dir: Phil Karlson
Stars: Dean Martin, Elke Sommer, Sharon Tate, Nigel Green

THE WRESTLER
2008
***
A wrestler struggles to cope with life after a heart attack.
Shot in documentary style, this raw drama asks what we do to fill the hours of life when our dreams have failed, and Rourke’s deeply sympathetic performance could not be more suitable for its vibe. A compelling film that plays even better in the memory.
Dir: Darren Aronofsky
Stars: Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei, Evan Rachel Wood, Mark Margolis

WRONG AGAIN
1929
*
Stan and Ollie deliver a horse named Blue Boy rather than a painting named Blue Boy to a mansion.
Rather obvious short which has its moments but probably worked better in the sound version, which no longer survives.
Dir: Leo McCarey
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall

THE WRONG ARM OF THE LAW
1962
**
Police and crooks join forces to stop a new gang who don't play by the rules.
Winning comedy of the old school, full of lovely performances, it culminates in a splendid free-for-all chase.
Dir: Cliff Owen
Stars: Peter Sellers, Lionel Jeffries, Bernard Cribbins, Nanette Newman, Bill Kerr, John Le Mesurier

THE WRONG BOX
1966
*
In Victorian London, a fortune will go to the brother who lives longest.
Handsome period comedy with a welcome cavalcade of stars and some genuinely funny tomfoolery.
Dir: Bryan Forbes
Stars: John Mills, Ralph Richardson, Michael Caine, Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Nanette Newman, Tony Hancock, Peter Sellers, Thorley Walters, Irene Handl

THE WRONG MAN
1957
***
The true story of a man whose life and marriage is ruined after being mistaken for a criminal.
Not one of Hitch's most commercially successful pictures (it was far too downbeat to be so), but a great one nonetheless, an absorbing and immaculately detailed true life tale concerning the delicacy of normal existence.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Henry Fonda, Vera Miles, Anthony Quayle, Harold J Stone

WUTHERING HEIGHTS
1939
***
In 19th century Yorkshire, a farmer's daughter has a passionate relationship with a 'wild' man of the moors.
Hollywoodised adaptation of Bronte which ignores the second half of the novel (sensibly, some might say). The result is a tale that seems a wee bit thin, but on the whole it’s a well cast treat for romantics, one of the most successful movies of its day.
Dir: William Wyler
Stars: Merle Oberon, Laurence Olivier, David Niven, Flora Robson, Donald Crisp, Leo G Carroll

WUTHERING HEIGHTS
1970
*
Decent adaptation which also cuts out post-Heathcliff events, which makes it tighter if incomplete.
Dir: Robert Fuest
Stars: Timothy Dalton, Anna Calder-Marshall, Harry Andrews, Pamela Brown

Films: V

2007-08-20T14:26:00.001-07:00

V FOR VENDETTA
2005
*
In a future totalitarian England, a terrorist dressed as Guy Fawkes threatens the State.
Shallow and dull sci-fi satire that displays political naivety but conjures up some memorable images. Hurt’s performance is particularly silly.
Dir: Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski
Stars: Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving, Stephen Rea, Stephen Fry, John Hurt, Tim Pigott-Smith, Rupert Graves

VALENTINO
1977
*
Mourners at silent film idol Rudolph Valentino’s funeral remember his short existence.
A near fantasia on the actor’s life almost crippled by an unsuitable lead (you could never believe this man held millions of women entranced), but rescued by some cinematic flair and opulence in the sets and costumes – despite many gripes, it seems churlish not to concede that Russell was a good man for the job, despite what he himself thought. Was the final boxing sequence added in the wake of Rocky’s success?
Dir: Ken Russell
Stars: Rudolf Nureyev, Michelle Phillips, Leslie Caron, Carol Kane

THE VALLEY OF GWANGI
1968
*
Cowboys discover prehistoric monsters in a forbidden Mexican valley.
First class special effects enliven an elementary adventure yarn.
Dir: Jim O'Connolly
Stars: Richard Carlson, Laurence Naismith, James Franciscus

VAMP
1987
*
Two teenagers go in search of a stripper and find a nightclub run by vampires.
Superior horror comedy, imaginatively lit and bursting with energy.
Dir: Richard Wenk
Stars: Grace Jones, Chris Makepeace, Sandy Baron

VAMPIRA
1974
0
Count Dracula revives his dead wife with the aid of a Playboy bunny.
Horror comedy which never begins to work. Some nice period touches but no laughs, scares or sexiness.
Dir: Clive Donner
Stars: David Niven, Teresa Graves, Linda Hayden, Bernard Bresslaw, Veronica Carlson, Jennie Linden, Peter Bayliss, Freddie Jones

THE VAMPIRE
1957
0
A doctor turns into a monster after taking certain pills which he becomes addicted to.
Flat low budget horror with a wee bit more in the way of underlying message than some others (addiction, single parenthood etc), but little else to suggest it was a new and exciting direction for the genre. The lead’s one-note, boy-I’m-feeling-ill performance doesn’t help matters.
Dir: Paul Landres
Stars: John Beal, Coleen Gray, Kenneth Tobey

VAMPIRE AT MIDNIGHT
1987
0
A hypnotist is really a vampire who preys on women.
Mainly routine shocker; and it could have lost the couple of sequences where the cast dance.
Dir: Gregory McClatchy
Stars: Jason Williams, Gustav Vintas

THE VAMPIRE BAT
1932
0
A man investigates mysterious deaths in a small town.
Cheap, dated horror that offers the modern viewer very, very little. Shame, because the cast isn’t bad.
Dir: Frank Strayer
Stars: Lionel Atwill, Fay Wray, Melvyn Douglas, Dwight Frye

VAMPIRE CIRCUS
1971
*
In 1825, a circus of vampires comes to a plague-ridden town.
Imaginative if slightly plodding Hammer horror that comes packaged with gore, a little sex and bad special effects. The main problem is that while the set-up is quite original, the plot development isn’t, and it’s not one of the studio’s most distinguished casts.
Dir: Robert Young
Stars: Adrienne Corri, Thorley Walters, Laurence Payne, Lynne Frederick, Dave Prowse

VAMPIRE IN VENICE
1988
0
An ancient vampire returns to terrorise Venice.
Ponderous piece of pretentious piffle.
Dir: Augusto Caminito
Stars: Klaus Kinski, Donald Pleasence, Christopher Plummer

THE VAMPIRE LOVERS
1970
*
A female vampire worms her way into houses of nobility.
The first of Hammer’s lesbian vampire movies is a moderate production, a little bit classy and quite erotic but short on thrills. Not bad, but no classic.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Ingrid Pitt, Madeline Smith, Kate O’Mara, Peter Cushing, George Cole, Dawn Addams, Pippa Steel

VAMPIRELLA
1996 (V)
0
A female space vampire comes to Earth to battle her nemesis, now a rock star.
Terrible screen version of the long-running comic, it needed another £20 million on the budget to be anything approaching decent; script, special effects and acting are all of the very lowest quality, and they didn’t even get the casting of Vampirella right, choosing a non-curvy, albeit beautiful, actress to portray the sexy space lady.
Dir: Jim Wynorski
Stars: Talisa Soto, Roger Daltrey, Richard Joseph Paul, Brian Bloom

VAMPIRES ON BIKINI BEACH
1987 (V)
0
Sunbathing teenagers are menaced by a modern blood-sucker.
With a title like this you'd expect this to be utter drivel. And you'd be right.
Dir: Mark Headley
Stars: Nancy Rogers, Todd Kaufman

VAMPIRES SUCK
2010
0
A teenage girl moves to a new town where she falls in love with a pale vampire youth in a long coat.
The men behind the likes of Disaster Movie and Epic Movie spoof Twilight, and the results are as lame as expected. Not funny at any given moment, its main audience will be easily pleased teenagers.
Dir: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Stars: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Diedrich Bader, Chris Riggi

VAMPYR
1931
**
A young man staying at a remote hotel suspects he is surrounded by vampires.
Scary, seminal horror; it's unlikely that any film will ever be able to re-create the misty, dreamy, terrifying atmosphere.
Dir: Carl Dreyer
Stars: Julian West, Sybille Schmitz

VAMPYRES
1974
*
Men are lured to an isolated castle by two beautiful women who are really vampires.
Unconventional horror in which languid day scenes are punctuated by erotic, violent night scenes; very well done until its rather unsatisfactory climax.
Dir: Joseph Larraz
Stars: Marianne Morris, Anulka, Murray Brown

VAMPYROS LESBOS
1971
0
A woman is seduced by a mysterious lesbian vampire.
Giddy, dreamy horror which makes as much sense as a stuttering Irishman. Occasionally erotic, it’s also hilariously pretentious and desperately languorous, with Franco’s camera, as usual, zooming all over the place.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Soledad Miranda, Ewa Stromberg, Dennis Price, Paul Muller

VANESSA
1977
0
A convent girl has some steamy encounters in Hong Kong.
Barmy erotica that looks like it was made up as they went along (it was, as the director later admitted), throwing everything from psychic sex to monkeys’ brains into the brew. At least it looks nice, especially when one of the many beautiful actresses takes their clothes off – which happens very frequently.
Dir: Hubert Frank
Stars: Olivia Pascal, Anton Diffring, Uschi Zech, Eva Eden

THE VANISHING
1988
***
A man's girlfriend disappears at a service station - he searches for her for three years and finally discovers the awful truth.
Compulsive shocker with a spine-chilling villain and denouement; Hitchcock would have loved it.
Dir: George Sluizer
Stars: Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu, Gene Bervoets, Johanna Ter Steege

THE VANISHING
1993
0
Much less effective American remake which has fiddled with the plot too much and lost the clammy atmosphere; the result is a bloated and unconvincing muddle.
Dir: George Sluizer
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Kiefer Sutherland, Nancy Travis, Sandra Bullock

VANISHING POINT
1971
*
A man is pursued across the desert by police.
Cult road movie whose wilful vagueness and attitude earned it a following.
Dir: Richard Sarafian
Stars: Barry Newman, Cleavon Little, Dean Jagger

THE VAULT OF HORROR
1974
**
Five men trapped in a basement tell of their worst nightmares. The stories are: Midnight Mess, The Neat Job, Bargain In Death, This Trick'll Kill You and Drawn And Quartered.
Appealing anthology with four pithy, reasonably light-hearted tales followed by a longer, meaner one which is also the best; on the whole the scriptwriter takes it easy, not bothering with too much dialogue or sense, but it doesn’t really matter as there’s a fine, starry cast and the original source material, EC Comics' stories, are beguilingly barmy.
Dir: Roy Ward Baker
Stars: Daniel Massey, Anna Massey, Terry-Thomas, Glynis Johns, Curt Jurgens, Tom Baker, Denholm Elliott, Michael Craig, Edward Judd

THE VEIL
1958 (TV)
0
Four weird tales introduced by and starring Boris Karloff.
Clumsily edited amalgamation of four episodes of an undistinguished TV series; flat direction and hammy acting deal the final, fatal blow to the moribund script.
Dir: Frank P Bibas, Paul Landres
Stars: Boris Karloff, Booth Colman, Leo Penn

VELVET GOLDMINE
1998
0
A journalist investigates the life of a bisexual 1970s rock star.
Vacuous and portentous glitz with no period feel, endless gaudy images and terrible acting. The director should watch some films besides Tommy and Pink Floyd The Wall.
Dir: Todd Haynes
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Johnathan Rhys Meyers, Christian Bale, Eddie Izzard

VENGEANCE
1962
*
A slain businessman's brain is kept alive, and tells tales on who killed him.
Decent remake of Donovan's Brain (qv) complete with juicy twists.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Anne Heywood, Cecil Parker, Bernard Lee

THE VENGEANCE OF FU MANCHU
1967
0
The yellow peril creates a duplicate of Nayland Smith.
Adequate sequel to The Brides Of Fu Manchu, along similar lines.
Dir: Jeremy Summers
Stars: Christopher Lee, Douglas Wilmer, Howard Marion Crawford

THE VENGEANCE OF SHE
1967
0
A girl is possessed by the spirit of the dead Queen Ayesha.
Insipid sequel to She (qv).
Dir: Cliff Owen
Stars: John Richardson, Olinka Berova, Edward Judd, Colin Blakely, Andre Morrell

VENOM
1971
0
A young artist in Germany is enticed by a strange ‘spider woman’.
Hazy Anglo-Euro gobbledygook which just turns into a surreal chase after an arresting start. As is usually the case, its place in obscurity is deserved.
Dir: Peter Sykes
Stars: Simon Brent, Neda Arneric, Sheila Allen

VENOM
1981
0
A kidnap plan goes wrong when a snake is set loose in a house.
Thriller which never quite comes off despite its starry cast and reliable old plot.
Dir: Piers Haggard
Stars: Oliver Reed, Klaus Kinski, Sterling Hayden, Sarah Miles, Nicol Williamson, Susan George

VERTIGO
1958
***
A detective with a fear of heights is drawn into a complex plot involving a woman he once loved.
Many thousands of words have been written about this film and its extraordinary themes, motifs and suggestiveness; it will remain a supreme achievement for many years to come.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: James Stewart, Kim Novak, Barbara Bel Geddes, Tom Helmore

A VERY BRADY SEQUEL
1996
**
The wholesome family gets involved with a habitual thief.
On-par sequel, just as fresh and funny as the first one.
Dir: Arlene Sanford
Stars: Shelley Long, Gary Cole, Tim Matheson

THE VERY EDGE
1962
0
A young wife is menaced by an obsessive psychotic.
Minor suspenser which would have worked better as a full-blooded shocker, a la Hammer horror or Psycho.
Dir: Cyril Frankel
Stars: Anne Heywood, Richard Todd, Jeremy Brett, Maurice Denham, Patrick Magee

VIBES
1987
0
Two paranormal experts are enlisted to find strange, powerful crystals.
Flat comedy with a few bright moments mainly provided by Goldblum.
Dir: Ken Kwapis
Stars: Cyndi Lauper, Jeff Goldblum, Julian Sands, Peter Falk

VICE VERSA
1947
0
A magic stone enables a boy to change bodies with his father.
An attractive idea is transformed into a seemingly never-ending comedy with serious plot gaffes.
Dir: Peter Ustinov
Stars: Roger Livesey, Kay Walsh, Anthony Newley, James Robertson Justice

VICE VERSA
1988
0
A father changes bodies with his son.
One of a rash of these sort of body-swap movies around at the time, this has all the scrapes and head-scratching confusion you'd expect.
Dir: Brian Gilbert
Stars: Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage, Corinne Bohrer

THE VICIOUS CIRCLE
1957
*
A doctor is in trouble when a woman is found dead in his flat.
Intriguing little thriller which gets a tad confusing the more it twists.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: John Mills, Derek Farr, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Lionel Jeffries

VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
2008
*
Two American friends spend the summer in Barcelona where they meet a charismatic artist they both fall for.
Woody goes to Spain, and while the scenery is warm and attractive the drama that unfolds in front of it is rather mild and there’s much that doesn’t convince, in part due to Johansson’s sleepy performance (or is it the script’s fault?). A narrator only further adds to an expectancy of incident that is not fulfilled, but it’s a pleasant summery diversion that’s an improvement on Allen’s last couple of efforts.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Rebecca Hall, Scarlett Johansson, Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz

VIDEODROME
1982
*
A TV channel gives its viewers disturbing hallucinations.
Idiotic, confusing and unpleasant horror that hardly has the right to take a swipe at video nasties.
Dir: David Cronenberg
Stars: James Woods, Deborah Harry, Sonja Smits

A VIEW TO A KILL
1985
*
James Bond roots out corruption in Zorrin Industries.
Slightly more earthy than its immediate predecessors, this middling yarn showed that it was time for Moore to step aside.
Dir: John Glen
Stars: Roger Moore, Tanya Roberts, Christopher Walken, Grace Jones, Patrick Macnee, Fiona Fullerton

THE VIKING QUEEN
1968
*
The English revolt against Roman rule.
Not-bad-for-a-wet-Saturday-afternoon costumer; the kids would have enjoyed the wee dollops of sex and violence.
Dir: Don Chaffey
Stars: Don Murray, Carita, Donald Houston, Andrew Keir, Patrick Troughton, Adrienne Corri

THE VIKINGS
1958
***
Two half-brothers, one a Viking, fight for the love of a princess.
Exciting, violent and vivid Norseman drama crisply shot in the open air.
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Stars: Kirk Douglas, Tony Curtis, Janet Leigh, Ernest Borgnine. Narrator: Orson Welles

VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED
1960
**
Twelve super-intelligent children with frightening powers are all born at the same time in a small English village.
Taut sci-fi featuring the most chilling children ever put on screen.
Dir: Wolf Rilla
Stars: George Sanders, Barbara Shelley, Michael Gwynn, Laurence Naismith

VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS
1965
0
Naughty teenagers steal a magic formula which makes things many times their normal size.
Hilariously awful mix of teen movie (and virtually every character is one) and sci-fi, a bastardisation of The Food Of The Gods, on which it claims to be based. One long sequence has giant ducks disco dancing.
Dir: Bert I Gordon
Stars: Tommy Kirk, Ron Howard, Beau Bridges

THE VINDICATOR
1986
*
A man is killed in a nuclear accident but brought back to life by scientists.
Slow to start then entertaining sci-fi, all very glossy and hi-tech.
Dir: Jean-Claude Lord
Stars: Pam Grier, Richard Cox, Teri Austin

VIOLATION OF THE BITCH
1978
*
When a girl goes to stay at a Spanish villa, rape and murder follow.
Paper thin sex thriller not dissimilar to much of the director’s previous work but set in sunny Spain rather than rainy rural England; well shot, titillating, watchable.
Dir: Joseph Larraz
Stars: Patricia Granada, Lidia Zuazo

VIRGIN AMONG THE LIVING DEAD
1973
0
A girl goes to the reading of her father's will, and regrets it.
You'll be bamboozled and bored by this appalling reverie which is made even worse by having all the sex [hysterically] cut out of some versions.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Cristine von Blanc, Howard Vernon, Brit Nichols

THE VIRGIN, THE BULL AND THE CAPRICORN
1977
0
A beautiful woman has a husband who strangely won’t sleep with her.
Senseless, shouty Italian garbage sure to give you a headache. Avoid.
Dir: Luciano Martino
Stars: Edwige Fenech, Alberto Lionello, Aldo Maccione

VIRGIN WITCH
1970
*
Two beautiful twins are initiated into the world of diabolism.
Hard to resist mix of sex and horror; visual pleasures range from the titillating twins to the delightful English countryside. Having said that, its tale of sweaty diabolism doesn’t really go anywhere and you’re left wondering where a promising storyline disappeared to.
Dir: Ray Austin
Stars: Vicky Michelle, Ann Michelle, Patricia Haines, Neil Hallett

VIRIDIANA
1961
**
A novice nun is summoned to her uncle’s house and told she can never leave.
Bunuel’s savage satire on religion and capitalism could be in danger of coming across as a silly and confused mess in years to come thanks to its frenzied swipes at many targets, although his criticism of religion may ensure it retains some vitality.
Dir: Luis Bunuel
Stars: Silvia Pinal, Francisco Rabal, Fernando Rey, Jose Calvo

VIRTUAL GIRL
1998 (V)
0
A computer programmer has an affair with an electronically-generated girl.
Trash which should be deleted and sent straight to the Junk bin.
Dir: Richard Gabai
Stars: Charlie Curtis, Max Dixon, Miche Straube

THE VISION
1987 (TV)
*
In the near future, a strange satellite TV company starts operating in Europe.
Curious drama which almost works as a character study or as a warning. At least it's different.
Dir: Norman Stone
Stars: Lee Remick, Dirk Bogarde, Helena Bonham Carter, Eileen Atkins

VISIONS OF DEATH
1972 (TV)
*
A clairvoyant foretells a disaster and is then blamed for it.
Sprightly, with effective moments.
Dir: Lee H Katzin
Stars: Telly Savalas, Monte Markham, Barbara Anderson

VISIONS OF LIGHT
1992
***
Documentary looking at the art of movie cinematographers. The many films featured include Sunrise, Gone With The Wind, Rosemary’s Baby, Raging Bull, The Godfather, Hud, The Grapes Of Wrath, Sweet Smell Of Success, Chinatown and Citizen Kane.
Some have bemoaned the lack of European cinema here – and there is no room for the work of Hitchcock or Kubrick – but this is an insightful and succinct film which makes you appreciate movies more, thereby surely succeeding in its primary aim.
Dir: Arnold Glassman, Todd McCarthy, Stuart Samuels

VISITING HOURS
1982
0
A knife-wielding psycho goes after an outspoken female journalist.
Tediously drawn out shocker which almost could have been a TV movie if it wasn’t for a few slightly nasty moments (that bizarrely got the film on the official video nasties list in Britain). What a truly rubbish script it has.
Dir: Jean-Claude Lord
Stars: Michael Ironside, Lee Grant, William Shatner, Linda Purl

VIVA ZAPATERO!
2005
*
Documentary about a female satirist's attempt to challenge what she sees as political censorship in Italy.
While her satire doesn't look terribly funny, the garrulous lady on show here convincingly makes her point about her government and the implications for free speech.
Dir/Narrator: Sabina Guzzanti

VOICES
1973
0
A couple whose son has died go to an old house where they hear ghostly murmurs.
Stagey, verbose spooky story, too long and inactive.
Dir: Kevin Billington
Stars: David Hemmings, Gayle Hunnicutt

VON RYAN’S EXPRESS
1965
**
Allies attempt to escape from Italy by train.
Slowish to start, but ultimately exhilarating actioner, marred by its downbeat (but memorable) finale.
Dir: Mark Robson
Stars: Frank Sinatra, Trevor Howard, Brad Dexter, James Brolin

VOODOO WOMAN
1957
0
A mad scientist turns a woman into a monster.
'Limited' is probably the kindest description possible of this low budget horror.
Dir: Edward L Kahn
Stars: Marla English, Tom Conway

VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA
1961
*
As the Earth heats up, a submarine commander attempts to save it by firing a missile at a certain spot.
A lower budget 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea which follows a rather torturous plot route before it finally arrives at its [unscientific] conclusion.
Dir: Irwin Allen
Stars: Walter Pidgeon, Robert Sterling, Joan Fontaine, Peter Lorre

THE VOYEUR
1993
*
A man tries to get his gorgeous wife back and has problems with his father.
Supreme titillation from the cinema’s finest exhibitor of naked women, it could be viewed properly in Britain after the relaxation of film censorship laws in 2000.
Dir: Tinto Brass
Stars: Katarina Vasilissa, Francesco Casale, Cristina Garavaglia

THE VULTURE
1966
0
Dabbling in things he shouldn't, a scientist turns into a homicidal vulture.
After an effective opening, this turns into an extremely daft old clinker with more talk than action. The terribly serious acting is fun to watch.
Dir: Lawrence Huntington
Stars: Robert Hutton, Akim Tamiroff, Broderick Crawford

Films: U

2007-08-20T14:25:00.002-07:00

UFO
1993
0
A filthy comedian is put on trial by feminist aliens from the future.
Predictably blue comic vehicle which has trouble sustaining interest for 80 minutes, but a fair few funny lines for broadminded audiences.
Dir: Tony Dow
Stars: Roy Chubby Brown, Sara Stockbridge, Roger Lloyd Pack, Shirley Anne Field, Kenny Baker

UGETSU MONOGATARI
1953
**
In 16th century Japan, two peasants attempt to improve their lives, but civil war hinders them.
Curious mix of styles which had some critics in raptures, and the story is indeed an intriguing one, extremely well shot.
Dir: Kenji Mizoguchi
Stars: Masayuki Mori, Machiko Kyo, Sakae Ozawa

UHF
1989
0
A wacky TV station unexpectedly tops the ratings.
Pretty much a series of variable sketches; some are funny, most are awful.
Dir: Jay Levey
Stars: Weird Al Yankovic, Kevin McCarthy, Victoria Jackson, David Bowie

THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR
1975
*
In a war-torn future world, a warrior escorts a pregnant woman to safety.
Grim sci-fi free of sentiment or mercy.
Dir: Robert Clouse
Stars: Yul Brynner, Max von Sydow, Joanna Miles

UMBERTO D
1952
**
A pensioner falls into poverty and has only his dog for company.
A simple, direct and unfussy film about loneliness that is eventually moving. It was the only movie Battisti ever acted in.
Dir: Vittorio De Sica
Stars: Carlo Battisti, Maria-Pia Casilio, Lina Gennari

UNACCUSTOMED AS WE ARE
1929
*
Stan and Ollie get into trouble with another man's wife.
Straightforward comedy, their first all-sound short - they make good use of it with some hilariously inane dialogue, including the ‘Mrs Kennedy’ ‘Mr Hardy’ conversation near the beginning.
Dir: Lewis R Foster
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy, Mae Busch

THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING
1988
**
In Prague in 1968 an amorous doctor is at the centre of two love affairs.
Languid drama light on plot that creates a nostalgic atmosphere that doesn’t seem forced and allows actors to fully inhabit their characters. It may nevertheless bore some, despite several headily erotic scenes.
Dir: Philip Kaufman
Stars: Daniel Day-Lewis, Juliette Binoche, Lena Olin, Donald Moffat, Stellan Skarsgard

THE UNCANNY
1977
*
An author tells his publisher three stories about evil cats.
Routine horror compendium with a few effective fright moments in the first story.
Dir: Denis Heroux
Stars: Peter Cushing, Donald Pleasence, Joan Greenwood, Susan Penhaligon, Samantha Eggar

UNCLE BUCK
1989
*
A big clumsy uncle comes to look after his brother's kids.
The star plays his usual role in this curiously bitter and dark comedy.
Dir: John Hughes
Stars: John Candy, Jean Louisa Kelly, Macaulay Culkin

THE UNDEAD
1956
0
A prostitute is hypnotised to believe she is back in medieval times. There she is condemned as a witch.
Dippy Corman shocker which manages to throw reincarnation, time travel, dwarfs, witches and the devil into its heady brew.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Pamela Duncan, Richard Garland, Billy Barty

UNDER CAPRICORN
1949
0
In 1830s Australia, a woman is driven to drink by her husband's cruelty.
Stiff and boring costume drama with just the one scene worthy of Hitch (the head in the bed).
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Ingrid Bergman, Joseph Cotten, Michael Wilding, Margaret Leighton, Cecil Parker

UNDER THE DOCTOR
1976
0
A doctor relates three cases of sex-hungry females.
Lame but likeable sex farce. The lead actor would go on to commit suicide.
Dir: Gerry Poulson
Stars: Barry Evans, Liz Fraser, Hilary Pritchard

THE UNDERNEATH
1995
**
A man plans an elaborate plot to get his girlfriend away from a mobster.
Compelling, multi-layered psychological drama with nicely naturalistic dialogue and excellent technical credits.
Dir: Stephen Soderbergh
Stars: Peter Gallagher, Alison Elliott, Joe Don Baker, Elisabeth Shue

UNDERSEA KINGDOM
1936 (serial)
*
A submarine crew come across an underwater world ruled by a power-mad dictator.
If you don't mind the ridiculous plot, bad acting and terrible special effects, you'll enjoy this kooky serial, one of Republic's better ones.
Dir: B Reeves Eason, Joseph Kane
Stars: Ray Crash Corrigan, Lois Wilde, Lon Chaney Jr

THE UNDYING MONSTER
1943
0
A curse hangs over an English ancestral home.
Horror mainly consisting of a group of people wandering around an old house. The monster is only briefly glimpsed.
Dir: John Brahm
Stars: James Ellison, John Howard, Heather Angel

UNEARTHLY STRANGER
1963
*
A government scientist fears that he has married an alien.
Low budget, tautly directed sci-fi. No actual aliens are shown.
Dir: John Krish
Stars: John Neville, Jean Marsh, Patrick Newell, Warren Mitchell

UNFORGIVEN
1992
****
A retired gunfighter goes back to his old ways to track down cowboys who disfigured a prostitute.
Clint Eastwood's best film is a revisionist western in which death and suffering mean something. Impeccably performed and full of great scenes.
Dir: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman, Richard Harris

UNHINGED
1982
0
Three girls have a car crash and are forced to take refuge in an isolated house containing only a strange old woman and her daughter.
Amateurish horror in which everything is bungled - the actresses had perhaps never acted before, the direction is static and the script is absurd. No wonder they tried to ban it.
Dir: Don Gronquist
Stars: Laurel Munson, J E Penner, Sara Ansley

THE UNHOLY
1988
0
A priest must resist the pleasures of the flesh to save his soul.
Dank horror with a dull and talky script.
Dir: Camilo Vilo
Stars: Ben Cross, Ned Beatty, Hal Holbrook, Trevor Howard

THE UNINVITED
1944
*
A girl returns to her family's house to encounter the ghost of her mother.
A genuine ghost story, nicely done, but a little faded now.
Dir: Lewis Allen
Stars: Ray Milland, Ruth Hussey, Gail Russell

THE UNINVITED
2009
*
A teenager suspects her father’s new girlfriend is a killer.
Slight chiller which can’t decide whether to be a psycho thriller or a ghost story; either way it provides few surprises for those versed in conventions of those genres. Passable, but you wouldn’t go out of your way to see it.
Dir: Charles Guard, Thomas Guard
Stars: Emily Browning, Arielle Kebbel, Elizabeth Banks

UNITED 93
2006
***
A real-time account of the hijacking of flight United 93 on September 11, 2001, when the passengers fought in vain to save the plane they were on.
It almost seems callous to submit this for critical analysis in the same way as other films, such is its verisimilitude to the not-long-gone terrible situation it recreates; all that can be said is that it is powerful and unflinching but probably could not be watched more than once.
Dir: Paul Greengrass
Stars: David Alan Basche, Richard Bekins, Susan Blommaert

UNIVERSAL HORROR
1998 (TV)
*
Documentary about the heyday of Universal's horror features.
Not bad, but it only covers a limited amount of movies and often strays from its point.
Dir: Kevin Brownlow
Narrator: Kenneth Branagh

UNIVERSAL SOLDIER
1992
*
Two Vietnam vets are programmed to be fighting machines - but malfunction.
Ridiculous action flick with a surfeit of unpleasant violence.
Dir: Roland Emerich
Stars: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Ally Walker

UNLAWFUL ENTRY
1992
*
A disturbed policeman persecutes a man whose wife he desires.
Familiar shocks and plot development for critics, fun for most audiences.
Dir: Jonathan Kaplan
Stars: Kurt Russell, Ray Liota, Madeleine Stowe

UNMAN, WITTERING AND ZIGO
1971
*
A new teacher at a public school suspects that his pupils are trying to kill him.
Intriguing and atmospheric psychological drama which rather loses its initial impetus.
Dir: John Mackenzie
Stars: David Hemmings, Douglas Wilmer, Caroline Seymour

THE UNNAMABLE
1988
0
Students are slaughtered by an ancient monster come back to life.
Pointless horror film, tiresomely padded out.
Dir: Jean-Paul Ouellette
Stars: Charles Klausmeyer, Mark Kinsey Stephenson, Alexandra Durrell

THE UNSEEN
1945
*
A governess minds a child who was witness to a murder.
Fair ghost story of a mild disposition.
Dir: Lewis Allen
Stars: Joel McCrea, Gail Russell

THE UNSEEN
1981
*
Three women are forced to stay at a house with a murderous secret.
Sickish horror which builds up a scary situation then over-eggs it.
Dir: Peter Foleg, Danny Steinmann
Stars: Barbara Bach, Stephen Furst, Sydney Lassick

THE UNTOUCHABLES
1987
**
Elliot Ness gathers a band of crack policemen to capture Al Capone.
De Palma brings his extensive knowledge of making thrillers to this slick and exciting gangster film based on the old TV series.
Dir: Brian De Palma
Stars: Sean Connery, Kevin Costner, Robert De Niro, Andy Garcia

UP
2009
**
A widowed old man escapes to what he hopes is a better place in a house suspended by helium balloons.
Another immensely successful and lavished-with-praise Pixar feature which variously attracted the adjectives ‘uplifting’ and ‘magical’ – perhaps it is, but only in parts; the film peaks early on with a fantastic montage of the couple’s life, and for much of the second half we get wandering around, irritating talking dogs and a big, garish bird. But the climactic action is fun and the whole movie has a good spirit and temperament.
Dir: Pete Docter, Bob Peterson
Voices: Edward Asner, Christopher Plummer, Jordan Nagai, Bob Peterson

UP AT THE VILLA
2000
*
In 1938 Florence, a rich Englishwoman becomes entangled with a disturbed Austrian refugee.
Standard adaptation of Maugham’s enjoyable novella which doesn’t make the earth move but provides a decent, civilised evening’s viewing.
Dir: Philip Haas
Stars: Kristin Scott Thomas, Sean Penn, Anne Bancroft, James Fox, Jeremy Davies, Derek Jacobi

UP FROM THE DEPTHS
1979
0
A prehistoric monster terrorises a resort.
The makers of Jaws would have surely have had an excellent case to sue the makers of this anaemic rip-off.
Dir: Charles B Griffith
Stars: Sam Bottoms, Susanne Read

UP IN SMOKE
1978
*
Two dopeheads forever search for good grass.
Cheech and Chong's first film; many laughs for those who know.
Dir: Lou Adler
Stars: Cheech Marin, Thomas Chong, Stacy Keach

UP IN THE WORLD
1956
0
A window cleaner finds friendship with a boy millionaire.
Irritating star comedy.
Dir: John Paddy Carstairs
Stars: Norman Wisdom, Martin Caridia, Jerry Desmonde

UP POMPEII
1971
*
An assassination plot is hatched in ancient Rome.
Pleasingly ripe and ribald movie version of the TV show; a valuable record of the unique star in one of his best roles.
Dir: Bob Kellett
Stars: Frankie Howerd, Patrick Cargill, Michael Horden, Lance Percival, Bill Fraser, Adrienne Posta

UP THE CHASTITY BELT
1971
*
In the Middle Ages, a wily serf impersonates the King.
Enjoyable romp; highlights are Howerd, as ever, and Robin Hood's band of effeminate men.
Dir: Bob Kellett
Stars: Frankie Howerd, Bill Fraser, Roy Hudd, Hugh Paddick

UP THE CREEK
1958
*
An ancient Navy ship is used for commercial purposes by the wily crew.
Amiable comedy with a fresh and funny performance from Sellers.
Dir: Val Guest
Stars: Peter Sellers, David Tomlinson, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Vera Day, Lionel Jeffries

UP THE FRONT
1972
0
A cowardly servant is enlisted as a soldier in World War One.
Cheeseparing farce which makes its predecessors look like classics.
Dir: Bob Kellett
Stars: Frankie Howerd, Bill Fraser, Linda Gray, Lance Percival, Madeline Smith

UP THE JUNCTION
1967
0
A well-off girl takes a menial factory job in Clapham.
Unconvincing and dreary social drama.
Dir: Peter Collinson
Stars: Suzy Kendall, Dennis Waterman, Adrienne Posta, Maureen Lipman, Liz Fraser, Alfie Bass

UP THE MILITARY
1984
0
A young female virgin gets corrupted by working at the Pentagon...
...as you might. Dismissible sex comedy.
Dir: Andrew Sugarman
Stars: Ann Dusenberry, Rhonda Shear

UPS AND DOWNS OF A HANDYMAN
1975
0
A husband finds that all the women in the village want him for 'jobs'.
Bucolic adult comedy with an odd mix of sex and childish humour.
Dir: John Sealey
Stars: Barry Stokes, Gay Soper, Sue Lloyd, Bob Todd

THE US VS JOHN LENNON
2006
**
Documentary focusing on John Lennon's conflict with the Nixon administration.
A satisfying feature that for the first hour is like two separate ones, until Lennon and US politics converge in 1971; it benefits from Lennon's eccentricity, charisma, wit and, of course, wonderful music. Generally leftish, it also airs John's occasionally risible/naive behaviour.
Dir: David Leaf, John Scheinfeld
Stars: John Lennon, Yoko Ono

THE USUAL SUSPECTS
1997
**
A heist at a port goes badly wrong.
Gritty crime thriller which was a big hit with critics despite its rather perfunctory twist.
Dir: Bryan Singer
Stars: Gabriel Byrne, Stephen Baldwin, Pete Postlethwaite, Kevin Spacey, Benicio del Toro

Films: T

2007-08-20T14:25:00.001-07:00

TAKE AN EASY RIDE
1977
0
A killer on the loose picks up unsuspecting hitch-hikers.
Unique curio which is a madcap mix of all kinds of genres and couldn't have been made at any time other than the mid-'70s. It'd be pushing it to say it's well made, but it does have a peculiar charm.
Dir: Kenneth F Rowles
Stars: Helen Bernat, Margaret Heald, Pauline Bates

TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN
1969
*
A perennial small-time criminal finds it difficult to stop his dishonest ways.
Allen's first feature as director, writer and star is an uneven affair which now looks a little weak in places but provides a good quota of belly laughs.
Dir: Woody Allen
Stars: Woody Allen, Janet Margolin, Marcel Hillaire

TAKING LIBERTIES
2007
**
Documentary detailing the loss of civil liberties in Britain under the Blair government.
A film similar in style to Private Eye’s In The Back section, in that it is passionately on the side of the people against the State, sometimes giving too much credence to the perceived victim. Much of it is effective and suitably frightening, particularly the sections on the man thrown out of the Labour conference for shouting ‘Nonsense!’ and peace campaigners seeing their efforts thwarted, but it ends on a facile, unpleasant note with a stupid, obscene pop song (which, unbelievably, didn’t see the movie awarded more than a 12 certificate). The DVD comes with a plethora of extras, which range from very interesting to rather whiny.
Dir: Chris Atkins
Narrators: Ashley Jensen, David Morrissey

TALE OF A VAMPIRE
1992
0
A vampire in modern-day south London falls in love with a woman who resembles one he knew centuries ago.
Anaemic horror, sadly ordinary and plodding, but with a moody atmosphere.
Dir: Shimako Sato
Stars: Julian Sands, Suzanna Hamilton, Kenneth Cranham

A TALE OF TWO CITIES
1958
**
An English barrister becomes involved in the French revolution.
Solid version of Dickens' novel, soundly performed.
Dir: Ralph Thomas
Stars: Dirk Bogarde, Dorothy Tutin, Ian Bannen, Cecil Parker, Alfie Bass, Christopher Lee, Leo McKern, Donald Pleasance

TALES FROM THE CRYPT
1972
***
Five ghoulish stories: All Through The House, Reflection Of Death, Poetic Justice, Wish You Were Here and Blind Alleys.
Probably the best of the Amicus horror anthologies; the tales may be as subtle as a sledgehammer and delight in fake-looking blood but they are all varied and pack a tasty punch. Just what the X certificate was made for.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Peter Cushing, Joan Collins, Richard Greene, Ian Hendry, Patrick Magee, Nigel Patrick, Ralph Richardson, Roy Dotrice

TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE
1990
*
A boy tells three stories to delay being cooked alive: Lot 249, Cat From Hell and Lover's Vow.
Entertaining compendium; tale one is a decent yarn adapted from a Conan Doyle original, tale two is stylish and gory, based on Stephen King’s writings, and the third is dark and creepy but predictable.
Dir: John Harrison
Stars: Deborah Harry, Christian Slater, Steve Buscemi, Julianne Moore

TALES OF MYSTERY AND IMAGINATION
1968
0
Three Edgar Alan Poe stories: Metzengerstein, William Wilson and Toby Dammit.
Filed under F for Failure, this pretentious anthology only comes to life with Fellini's nightmarish visions in the final segment.
Dir: Roger Vadim, Louis Malle, Frederico Fellini
Stars: Jane Fonda, Peter Fonda, James Robertson Justice, Alain Delon, Brigitte Bardot, Terence Stamp

TALES OF ORDINARY MADNESS
1981
0
A man is a slave to the bottle and to women.
Rather stagnant attempt to bring Bukowski to the big screen; Factotum (qv) was more successful at conveying the bleary lifestyle in compelling fashion.
Dir: Marco Ferreri
Stars: Ben Gazzara, Ornella Muti, Susan Tyrrell

TALES OF TERROR
1962
*
Three Edgar Allen Poe stories: Morella, The Black Cat and The Case Of M Valdemar.
Ghoulish laughs and scares fortified by a splendid trio of lead actors, particularly Price who appears in all three stories. The first tale doesn’t quite have enough drama to sustain it; the second offers many hearty chuckles, especially during Lorre and Price’s wine-drinking competition; the third has a macabre charm – but all three tales could have done with a little cutting.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Basil Rathbone

TALES THAT WITNESS MADNESS
1973
*
Four tales of terror: Mr Tiger, Penny Farthing, Mel and Luau.
Half-cooked horror compendium whose gleeful absurdities include Joan Collins' husband being unfaithful to her with a tree. It's hard to resist such far-fetched tat.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Jack Hawkins, Donald Pleasence, Joan Collins, Kim Novak, Mary Tamm, Donald Houston, Suzy Kendall

TALK RADIO
1989
***
A big-mouthed talk show host plays with fire by infuriating his audience.
A compelling study of the restless mind descending into apoplexy; despite being largely speech-based it exerts a real grip from scene to scene, and only loses points for not entirely ringing true, particularly in the closing stages.
Dir: Oliver Stone
Stars: Eric Bogosian, Alec Baldwin, Ellen Greene, Leslie Hope

TALK TO HER
2002
***
Two men are drawn together by women they love who are both in a comatose state.
Bold and brassy sexual melodrama which entwines dark and daring themes; it slowly exerts a grip after its deceptively quiet beginning.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Javier Camara, Dario Grandinetti, Rosario Flores, Leonor Watling

TALKING WALLS
1986
0
A student tapes sexual couplings in a hotel for his thesis.
Hopes that this movie will rise to the standard of barely acceptable are soon dashed...
Dir: Stephen Verona
Stars: Stephen Shellen, Marie Laurin, Sybil Danning

THE TALL GUY
1988
*
The straight man to a comedian has a fling with a nurse.
Disappointing comedy which fizzles out into nothing.
Dir: Mel Smith
Stars: Rowan Atkinson, Jeff Goldblum, Emma Thompson, Anna Massey

TAM LIN
1971
0
An elderly woman uses witchcraft to hang on to her young friends.
Hazy, portentous drama with an incredibly boring first hour; full of irksome cinematic platitudes.
Dir: Roddy McDowall
Stars: Ava Gardner, Ian McShane, Richard Wattis, Cyril Cusack, Stephanie Beacham, Joanna Lumley, Madeline Smith

THE TAMING OF THE SHREW
1929
*
Petruchio woos Katherine, or is it the other way around?
This adaptation only uses a fraction of Shakespeare’s words (Pickford is especially taciturn) and includes plenty of knockabout physical humour, much of which works (the director had previously worked on several Harold Lloyd films). The camera movement is surprisingly fluid for the time and it’s quite bright and breezy, but very slight.
Dir: Sam Taylor
Stars: Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, Edwin Maxwell

THE TAMING OF THE SHREW
1967
**
A scoundrel tames his shrewish wife.
Highly accessible Shakespeare with an abundance of bawdy and boisterous antics.
Dir: Franco Zeffirelli
Stars: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Michael York, Cyril Cusack, Michael Horden

TANGO & CASH
1988
0
Two cops are framed and must clear their names.
Totally unbelievable cop buddy movie with Stallone delivering a self-mocking parody of his usual screen persona.
Dir: Andrei Konchalovsky
Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russell, Teri Hatcher, Jack Palance

TANGO OF PERVERSION
1973
*
A love triangle ends in death and disaster.
Essentially a Roald Dahl-esque melodrama but souped up by gaudy visuals, a heady atmosphere and continental kinkiness.
Dir: Costas Karagiannis
Stars: Lakis Komninos, Giorgos Moschidis

TARANTULA
1955
*
A tarantula is injected with a special nutrient formula and grows to an enormous size. It then terrorises Arizona.
B-movie chiller with good special effects but no real surprises.
Dir: Jack Arnold
Stars: John Agar, Mara Corday, Leo G Carroll

TARGET FOR TONIGHT
1941
*
Wartime docudrama detailing an RAF bombing raid on Germany.
Disappointingly dated propaganda film that just doesn’t ring true, especially compared to the likes of 1945’s The True Glory (qv).
Dir: Harry Watt

TARGET: HARRY
1969
0
A pilot gets caught up in a smuggling plot.
Uninteresting, po-faced thriller originally made for television but rejected for being too violent; a decent cast is wasted in travelogue locations that fail to charm.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vic Morrow, Suzanne Pleshette, Victor Buono, Cesar Romero, Stanley Holloway, Charlotte Rampling, Milton Reid

TARGETS
1968
**
A horror film star feels his movies pale beside modern-day violence; meanwhile, a serial sniper is on the loose.
Taut melodrama which rises above its low budget to offer a succinct and frightening comment on crazy gun laws and the fine line between fantasy and reality.
Dir: Peter Bogdanovich
Stars: Boris Karloff, Tim O'Kelly, Arthur Peterson

TARZAN AND HIS MATE
1934
**
English explorers try to persuade Jane to leave Tarzan and come home.
Probably the best of the Weissmuller Tarzans, this raw and vital adventure has a genuine erotic charge and a rip-roaring climax.
Dir: Cedric Gibbons
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Neil Hamilton

TARZAN AND THE AMAZONS
1945
0
Explorers attempt to steal gold from an obscure tribe of women.
Largely uninteresting antics – the majority of the film doesn’t deign to be part of the Amazons plotline and this Jane doesn’t convince at all; Cheetah is the best thing about it.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Henry Stephenson, Maria Ouspenskaya

TARZAN AND THE GREAT RIVER
1967
0
Tarzan heads to Brazil to stop an evil tribal cult.
Pathetic, juvenile stuff.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Mike Henry, Jan Murray, Manuel Padilla Jr

TARZAN AND THE GREEN GODDESS
1938
0
An edited version of the 1935 serial The New Adventures Of Tarzan (qv).
A weird little production with hilariously speeded up fights and a really awful Tarzan cry.
Dir: Edward A Kull, Wilbur McGaugh
Stars: Herman Brix (Bruce Bennett), Ula Holt, Frank Baker

TARZAN AND THE HUNTRESS
1947
0
An animal trainer's boss attempts to steal animals from the jungle.
Run of the mill entry, Sheffield's last as Boy.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Patricia Morison

TARZAN AND THE JUNGLE BOY
1968
0
A search party scour the jungle for a boy lost some years previously.
Tedious rubbish which put a stop to the regular flow of Tarzans.
Dir: Robert Gordon
Stars: Mike Henry, Rafer Johnson, Aliza Gur

TARZAN AND THE LEOPARD WOMAN
1946
*
Tarzan battles a cult determined to keep Africa a primitive land.
Above average episode; Acquanetta as the titular villainess adds a bit of exotic colour.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Acquanetta

TARZAN AND THE LOST CITY
1998
0
Tarzan protects Amazon from evil white men after a mythical city.
Clichéd adventure that looks like a TV movie trying to be like Indiana Jones.
Dir: Carl Schenkel
Stars: Casper Van Dien, Jane March, Steven Waddington

TARZAN AND THE LOST SAFARI
1957
0
The Jungle King leads five passengers from a crashed aircraft to safety.
Routine jungle antics, the first shot in colour and in African locations, which helps a bit.
Dir: H Bruce Humberstone
Stars: Gordon Scott, Robert Beatty, Yolande Donlan, Wilfrid Hyde-White, George Coulouris

TARZAN AND THE MERMAIDS
1948
0
An evil pearl trader gives Tarzan problems.
Weissmuller's final loin cloth outing was a location-shot 'epic' but suffers from padding despite its short running time.
Dir: Robert Florey
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, George Zucco

TARZAN AND THE SHE DEVIL
1953
0
Tarzan goes head to head with ivory poachers.
Thin Ape Man adventures with much stock footage, Barker's last in the role.
Dir: Kurt Neumann
Stars: Lex Barker, Joyce Mackenzie, Raymond Burr

TARZAN AND THE SLAVE GIRL
1951
0
A tribe kidnap Jane.
An hour of cheap jungle fun, done exactly the same as before.
Dir: Lee Sholem
Stars: Lex Barker, Vanessa Brown, Robert Alda, Hurd Hatfield

TARZAN AND THE TRAPPERS
1958
0
The lord of the jungle fights men trying to rob it of animals.
A movie made up of three jammed together episodes of a not very good TV series. Not surprisingly it's no classic but the first half offers some lively spectacle.
Dir: Charles F Haas, Sandy Howard
Stars: Gordon Scott, Eve Brent, Rickie Sorensen

TARZAN AND THE VALLEY OF GOLD
1966
0
Tarzan battles a mad millionaire who believes in a fabled valley of gold.
Mike Henry's first sees the hero modernised and once you're over the shock, this colourful entry has the odd pleasure.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Mike Henry, David Opatoshu, Nancy Kovack

TARZAN ESCAPES
1936
*
A white hunter attempts to cage Tarzan and return him to civilisation.
Much re-cut yarn that's among the better ones in the series despite the growing domestication of Tarzan and Jane.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, John Buckler, E E Clive

TARZAN FINDS A SON!
1939
*
The jungle pair find an orphan in the jungle and raise him as their own.
Patchy but generally agreeable adventure with the debut of Boy to add something different.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Johnny Sheffield, Ian Hunter

TARZAN GOES TO INDIA
1962
0
Tarzan helps save hundreds of elephants from drowning.
Location-shot, quite honourable but regrettably dull Ape Man anecdote.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Jock Mahoney, Leo Gordon, Mark Dana

TARZAN IN MANHATTAN
1989 (TV)
0
The ape man travels to America when Cheeta is kidnapped.
Dumb fun that's pointless to take seriously; very much a TV movie, the bargain-bin actors are strangely likeable, especially Curtis, who's a bit of a hoot.
Dir: Michael Schultz
Stars: Joe Lara, Kim Crosby, Jan-Michael Vincent, Tony Curtis

TARZAN THE APE MAN
1932
*
Explorers in Africa include a young woman called Jane, who takes a shine to jungle living.
The first talkie Tarzan and the one with the best ever leads, this unrefined artefact contains a surprising amount of sex and violence.
Dir: W S Van Dyke
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Neil Hamilton, C Aubrey Smith

TARZAN THE APE MAN
1959
0
The ape man finds a new friend among some explorers.
Stodgy remake using much stock footage.
Dir: Joseph M Newman
Stars: Denny Miller, Cesare Danova, Joanna Barnes

TARZAN THE APE MAN
1981
0
The tale once more, mainly from Jane's point of view.
A truly abhorrent feature in which the viewer has to sit through mounds of tedium and irritating shouting by Harris to get to the sexy bits with dozy Bo; a rare example of a feature whose end credits are a thousand times more interesting than the film itself.
Dir: John Derek
Stars: Bo Derek, Richard Harris, John Phillip Law, Miles O'Keefe

TARZAN THE FEARLESS
1933
0
A price of £1,000 is put on Tarzan's head by white hunters.
As primitive as the ape man therein, and a chore to watch now. Edited from the first four chapters of a serial.
Dir: Robert F Hill
Stars: Buster Crabbe, Julie Bishop, Edward Woods

TARZAN THE MAGNIFICENT
1960
**
Tarzan escorts a dangerous prisoner out of the jungle to the authorities.
Confident, relatively sophisticated entry that benefits from no Jane, location shooting and a good cast.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Gordon Scott, Jock Mahoney, Betta St John, John Carradine, Lionel Jeffries

TARZAN TRIUMPHS
1943
*
Nazis invade the jungle.
Silly but quite amusing tosh in which Tarzan does his bit for the war effort.
Dir: Wilhelm Thiele
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Johnny Sheffield, Frances Gifford

TARZAN’S DESERT MYSTERY
1943
*
The ape man battles Nazis and dinosaurs for a special serum.
Wild war propaganda that revels in its ludicrousness.
Dir: Wilhelm Thiele
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Nancy Keller, Johnny Sheffield, Otto Kruger

TARZAN’S FIGHT FOR LIFE
1958
0
Tarzan must find a serum against the clock.
Another simple-minded Tarzan yarn.
Dir: H Bruce Humberstone
Stars: Gordon Scott, Eve Brent, Rickie Sorensen

TARZAN’S GREATEST ADVENTURE
1959
**
Tarzan pits his wits against four merciless diamond hunters.
One of the finest Ape Man adventures, with plenty of meaty action and even sturdy characterisation.
Dir: John Guillermin
Stars: Gordon Scott, Anthony Quayle, Sara Shane, Sean Connery

TARZAN’S HIDDEN JUNGLE
1955
0
Ruthless hunters plague the jungle king.
Low budget debut for Scott offering up the same old story.
Dir: Harold D Schuster
Stars: Gordon Scott, Vera Miles, Jack Elam

TARZAN’S MAGIC FOUNTAIN
1949
0
A fountain in the jungle appears to offer eternal youth.
Dull exploits, the first Tarzan film for an actor who never appeared well built enough for the role.
Dir: Lee Sholem
Stars: Lex Barker, Brenda Joyce, Albert Dekker, Evelyn Ankers

TARZAN’S NEW YORK ADVENTURE
1942
*
The ape man heads to the Big Apple after Boy is kidnapped.
A nice idea not too well handled, resulting in a slow movie.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weismuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Johnny Sheffield, Virginia Grey

TARZAN’S PERIL
1951
0
Escaped convicts sell weapons to a violent tribe.
Almost inactive, charmless, cheapjack stuff.
Dir: Byron Haskin
Stars: Lex Barker, Virginia Huston, George Macready

TARZAN’S REVENGE
1938
0
Hunters once again invade Tarzan's land.
Woeful entry, dreadful in every department; the lead is a bad actor even by Tarzan standards.
Dir: D Ross Lederman
Stars: Glenn Morris, Eleanor Holm, George Barbier

TARZAN’S SAVAGE FURY
1952
0
Tarzan's cousin arrives in Africa looking for diamonds.
Another medium jungle story.
Dir: Cy Endfield
Stars: Lex Barker, Dorothy Hart, Patric Knowles

TARZAN’S SECRET TREASURE
1941
0
Gold is discovered near the ape man's home.
Mundane, predictable and unoriginal happenings in darkest Africa.
Dir: Richard Thorpe
Stars: Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, Johnny Sheffield, Reginald Owen

TARZAN’S THREE CHALLENGES
1963
0
Tarzan must perform three tasks to stop an evil ruler.
Disappointingly flat Tarzan movie that suffered production troubles.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Jock Mahoney, Woody Strode, Tsu Kobayashi

A TASTE OF EXCITEMENT
1968
0
A woman holidaying in the South of France suspects someone is trying to kill her.
Dry, plodding and humourless thriller with colourless leads, it looks like a cross between a TV movie and a travelogue; interminable after a lively beginning.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars: Eva Renzi, David Buck, Peter Vaughan, Peter Bowles

TASTE OF FEAR
1961
**
A woman who nearly drowned and is confined to a wheelchair keeps seeing her dead father.
Hammer's first and best Les Diaboliques imitation is an engaging and twisty chiller full of banging shutters, flickering candles and sudden shocks.
Dir: Seth Holt
Stars: Susan Strasberg, Ronald Lewis, Ann Todd, Christopher Lee

A TASTE OF HONEY
1961
**
A simple young woman becomes pregnant by a black sailor; she is then cared for by a kindly homosexual.
Unusual, quirky characters blend with starkly shot urban settings in this important and striking kitchen sink drama that boasts particularly idiosyncratic dialogue; some of it was lifted for use in songs by The Smiths, and they are also indebted to the dank, salty feel of the film for much of their early work.
Dir: Tony Richardson
Stars: Rita Tushingham, Dora Bryan, Robert Stephens, Murray Melvin

TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA
1970
*
Three elderly gentlemen decide it would be a good idea to bring Dracula back to life.
Predictable and slightly tired but reasonably watchable entry in Hammer's series.
Dir: Peter Sasdy
Stars: Christopher Lee, Geoffrey Keen, Gwen Watford, Linda Hayden, Peter Sallis

TATTOO
1980
*
A disturbed tattoo artist kidnaps a beautiful model.
Stretched out Psycho-like thriller that might have explored its concept of the obsessed tattooist in more daring fashion, although it does reach a twisted and titillating conclusion. Dern's performance is worth a watch as is Adams' for different reasons.
Dir: Bob Brooks
Stars: Bruce Dern, Maud Adams, Leonard Frey

TATTOO
2002
*
A young cop investigates a series of murders possibly committed by a demented tattooist.
Glum but effective German thriller, moderately paced but quirky in detail.
Dir: Robert Schwentke
Stars: August Diehl, Christian Redl, Nadeshda Brennicke

TAXI DRIVER
1976
****
A Vietnam veteran works as a night-time taxi driver in New York and is eventually pushed over the edge.
Remarkably made character study with several superbly realised scenes that have passed into film folklore.
Dir: Martin Scorsese
Stars: Robert De Niro, Cybill Shepherd, Peter Boyle, Jodie Foster, Harvey Keitel

TEEN WITCH
1989
0
An unpopular teenager discovers she is descended from witches and uses her powers accordingly.
Teen Wolf imitation that will pass the time for undemanding adolescents.
Dir: Dorian Walker
Stars: Robyn Lively, Dan Gauthier, Joshua John Miller

TEEN WOLF
1985
0
A high school boy discovers he is a werewolf.
Cheap and crass teen comedy that would have bombed were it not for the star.
Dir: Rod Daniel
Stars: Michael J Fox, James Hampton, Susan Ursitti

TEEN WOLF TOO
1987
0
Another teenager turns into a werewolf.
As bad as the original, inept in every way, and with a nobody lead this time.
Dir: Christopher Leitch
Stars: Jason Bateman, Kim Darby, John Astin

TEENAGE MONSTER
1958
0
A teenager is exposed to meteor rays and becomes a monster.
Not just a B film, maybe a C or D one; dialogue, acting and atmosphere are all nondescript.
Dir: Jacques R Marquette
Stars: Anne Gwynne, Stuart Wade, Gloria Castillo

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
1990
*
Four humanoid turtles who are martial arts masters battle evil in the sewers.
The strangely popular cartoon characters found themselves dumped in this cheap and murky looking vehicle with a threadbare plot which hollowly echoes similar kiddie adventures of the past. Didn't stop it making a ton of money though.
Dir: Steve Barron
Stars: Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas, Josh Pais

THE TELL-TALE HEART
1960
*
A man murders another and puts him beneath the floorboards; he then starts to hear what appears to be a beating heart.
Acceptable version of Poe’s tale which was perhaps more effectively filmed as an eight minute cartoon seven years previously.
Dir: Ernest Morris
Stars: Laurence Payne, Adrienne Corri, Dermot Walsh

THE TEMP
1993
0
A businessman's secretary subtly makes life unbearable for him.
Dim thriller which gets more ridiculous the longer it lasts.
Dir: Tom Holland
Stars: Timothy Hutton, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dwight Schultz, Faye Dunaway

THE TEMPEST
1980
0
An elderly magician lives on a desolate isle with his innocent daughter.
The director's idiosyncratic take on Shakespeare's play is adorned with his usual bizarre and vulgar imagery and none the better for it.
Dir: Derek Jarman
Stars: Peter Bull, David Meyer, Neil Cunningham, Toyah Wilcox

‘10’
1979
*
A man scores women out of ten, then meets one who most definitely deserves the top score.
Fitfully funny comedy which made worldwide stars out of Moore and Derek, who here looks sensational.
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: Dudley Moore, Julie Andrews, Bo Derek, Robert Webber, Dee Wallace-Stone, Brian Dennehy

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
1956
**
Moses frees the slaves and is given the law of God on a stone tablet.
De Mille's remake of his own 1923 film, endowed with even more spectacular Almighty-inspired special effects, is an example of decent, weighty, lengthy storytelling.
Dir: Cecil B De Mille
Stars: Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, Anne Baxter, Edward G Robinson, Yvonne De Carlo, Debra Paget, Cedric Hardwicke, Nina Foch, Vincent Price, John Carradine

TEN LITTLE INDIANS
1966
*
Ten people are lured to an isolated house and killed one by one.
Lighthearted version of the Agatha Christie mystery complete with a 'Whodunit Break' near the end (in some prints), hindered by a couple of flat performances and uninspired direction.
Dir: George Pollock
Stars: Hugh O'Brian, Shirley Eaton, Fabian, Stanley Holloway, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Dennis Price, Leo Genn

10 RILLINGTON PLACE
1971
*
The life and crimes of London murderer John Christie.
Rather pedestrian, giving little insight into his motives, and too earnestly unexciting for its own good.
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Stars: Richard Attenborough, Judy Geeson, John Hurt, Pat Heywood

THE TENANT
1976
*
A man moving into an apartment where the last tenant killed himself fears that it is his destiny to go the same way.
Long-drawn-out and boring psychological drama a long way from the director's similar Repulsion.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Roman Polanski, Isabelle Adjani, Melvyn Douglas

TENDER AND PERVERSE EMMANUELLE
1973
0
A pianist is found dead at the bottom of a cliff.
Like a bad dream you'd have after eating too much cheese; you'd be mighty confused but at least enjoy the sexy bits if nothing else.
Dir: Jess Franco
Stars: Norma Castell, Jack Taylor, Lina Romay

TENDER COUSINS
1980
0
A 14-year-old boy takes his first steps into sex in a busy country house in 1939.
This photographer-turned-director may be able to frame a pretty picture but he knows very little about character or narrative, as way too many sketched-in folk amble around chitter-chattering to no discernible effect. There are moments of eroticism but the film’s a huge missed opportunity considering the storyline’s potential.
Dir: David Hamilton
Stars: Thierry Tevini, Anja Schute, Valerie Dumas

TENDER DRACULA
1974
0
Two writers spend the night at the castle of an actor known for his vampire roles.
A horror comedy musical that you quickly realise is senseless garbage without a single redeeming feature, including Cushing. Why did he sign up for trash like this?
Dir: Pierre Grunstein
Stars: Peter Cushing, Alida Valli, Nathalie Corval

TENEBRAE
1982
*
An American writer in Rome is stalked by a serial killer.
Ludicrous shocker with more holes than a string vest, redeemed by some smart dialogue and a vibrant sense of style.
Dir: Dario Argento
Stars: Anthony Franciosa, Christian Borromeo, Mirella D'Angelo

TERKEL IN TROUBLE
2004
0
A boy bullied at school turns on his tormentors.
Astonishingly appalling drivel, an animated Danish feature that loses everything in translation, although it may well have always been plotless, irritating, unsympathetic, unfunny and inane.
Dir: Lresten Vestbjerg Andersen etc
Voices: Bill Bailey, Adrian Edmondson, Johnny Vegas

THE TERMINAL
2004
*
A man from an East European country becomes resident of an American airport when his nation is invaded.
Unconvincing drama with a sluggish pace and vats of sentimental sludge.
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Tom Hanks, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Stanley Tucci

THE TERMINAL MAN
1974
*
A scientist is given a microcomputer in his head to control his violent impulses, but things go wrong.
Slow starting sci-fi with a polished look.
Dir: Mike Hodges
Stars: George Segal, Joan Hackett, Richard A Dysart, Donald Moffat

THE TERMINATOR
1984
**
A cyborg from the future is sent to kill a woman who will give birth to a male who will go on to be victorious in a war against robots.
Ruthless, thrilling sci-fi that gave the monosyllabic star one of his most iconic roles.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Biehn, Linda Hamilton, Lance Henriksen

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY
1991
***
A cyborg arrives from the future to kill John Connor, but help is at hand.
Relentless action thriller whose superbly realised chase and combat sequences more than mask the holes in the story.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong, Robert Patrick

TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES
2003
0
A female Terminator comes from the future to slay John Connor.
Soulless, vacuous, ridiculous sequel whose lenient 12 certificate brings shame on the BBFC.
Dir: Jonathan Mostow
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nick Stahl, Claire Danes, Kristanna Loken

TERMINUS
1961
**
Documentary following comings and goings at London's Waterloo station.
A valuable slice of real-life filmmaking that provides a droll look at everyday existence.
Dir: John Schlesinger

TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
1983
***
An eccentric widow dabbles in dating while her daughter struggles with bringing up a family.
Loosely constructed but immensely successful combination of laughs and tears that allows the actors to perform at optimum levels.
Dir: James L Brooks
Stars: Shirley MacLaine, Debra Winger, Jack Nicholson, Jeff Daniels, John Lithgow, Danny DeVito

THE TERROR
1938
0
A criminal mastermind plans an elaborate gold robbery.
Creaky remake of a 1928 Edgar Wallace mystery.
Dir: Richard Bird
Stars: Wilfrid Lawson, Bernard Lee, Arthur Wontner, Alastair Sim

TERROR
1978
0
An ancient witch's curse leads to gruesome deaths in the modern-day.
Sadly, the fag end of independent British horror productions, this shabby Suspiria-influenced shocker looks more like a home movie than a feature for mass audience consumption (but, amazingly, was the number one film in the country for one week).
Dir: Norman J Warren
Stars: John Nolan, Carolyn Courage, James Aubrey, Glynis Barber

TERROR AT LONDON BRIDGE
1985 (TV)
0
London Bridge is moved brick by brick to Arizona, and a phantom of Jack the Ripper appears to go with it.
Bizarre little horror with shocks telegraphed well in advance; but not quite as bad as it might have been.
Dir: E W Swackhamer
Stars: David Hasselhoff, Adrienne Barbeau, Clu Gulager

TERROR AT THE OPERA
1990
*
An opera singer is plagued by a deranged fan.
The photography is more than stylish, the story somewhat senseless and the Sound Of Music ending a mistake.
Dir: Dario Argento
Stars: Cristina Marsillach, Ian Charleson, Daria Nicolodi

TERROR BY NIGHT
1945
*
Sherlock Holmes investigates the theft of a diamond on a train journey.
Rathbone's penultimate Holmes movie suffers from some stiff acting and ceaselessly recurring scenery but provides the odd cosy frisson.
Dir: Roy William Neill
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Alan Mowbray, Dennis Hoey

TERROR EXPRESS!
1979
*
A gang of thugs terrorise the inhabitants of a night train.
Deliciously seedy and sleazy shocker with utterly corrupt morals. Sounds bad to say it, but it's quite refreshing to see artistic endeavour so freely expressed.
Dir: Ferdinando Baldi
Stars: Silvia Dionisio, Werner Pochath, Zora Kerova

TERROR EYES
1981
*
A murderer in a motorcycle helmet picks off pupils from a night school.
Adequate, rather wishy-washy horror thriller with a few above average scenes, chiefly the ones in the shower and the cafe kitchen, which both slowly build titillating suspense. The motorcyclist killer’s getup is also quite effective.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Leonard Mann, Rachel Ward, Drew Snyder

TERROR IN THE AISLES
1984
*
Compilation of clips and trailers from mainly horror films.
Curious but somehow beguiling oddity that features clips from films as diverse as The Omen, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Scared Stiff and Marathon Man. Nothing's particularly scary because the footage is all ripped out of context, but there's some pleasure is seeing them assembled into a celebration of the genre.
Dir: Andrew J Kuehn
Stars: Donald Pleasance, Nancy Allen

TERROR IN THE WAX MUSEUM
1973
0
The owner of a wax museum gets villainous exhibit figures to do his dirty work.
Shoddily made horror, a bit like a TV movie, which provides the odd decent waxwork-inspired shock for us and the elderly cast.
Dir: Georg Fenady
Stars: Ray Milland, Broderick Crawford, Elsa Lanchester, Louis Hayward, Maurice Evans, John Carradine

TERROR OF MECHAGODZILLA
1974
0
Godzilla faces a mechanical version of himself.
The makers of these Japanese Godzilla films rarely strayed from their nutty formula, and one imagines poor little kids sat in the cinema, dumped there by their parents. It's interesting to note, however, the devoted following the series has by otherwise intelligent European and American adults.
Dir: Ishiro Honda
Stars: Katsuhiko Sasaki, Tomoko Ai

THE TERROR OF THE TONGS
1961
*
In Hong Kong in 1910, an evil gang rules the province.
Flat Hammer yarn with a narrative that singularly fails to inspire any excitement, despite the odd gory moment.
Dir: Anthony Bushell
Stars: Geoffrey Toone, Christopher Lee, Yvonne Monlaur, Burt Kwouk, Milton Reid

TERROR ON THE 40TH FLOOR
1974 (TV)
0
The Christmas office party is interrupted by fire.
TV's Towering Inferno, boring and padded, and peopled by cardboard characters who aren't even played by star names.
Dir: Jerry Jameson
Stars: John Forsythe, Joseph Campanella, Lynn Carlin

THE TERRORNAUTS
1967
0
A group of scientists are transported to a saucer in outer space.
Cheapo, mostly studio-bound sci-fi even less sophisticated and more laughable than 1960s Doctor Who, although in attractive bright colour.
Dir: Montgomery Tully
Stars: Simon Oates, Zena Marshall, Charles Hawtrey, Patricia Hayes

TESS
1981
**
In the 19th century, a simple rural girl is sought by two different men.
Classy version of Thomas Hardy's novel in which both the star and the surrounding landscape look gorgeous.
Dir: Roman Polanski
Stars: Nastassja Kinski, Peter Firth, Leigh Lawson, John Collin

TESTAMENT
1983
*
Life for an American family after a nuclear attack.
Low key, glum post-apocalyptic drama concentrating on personal agonies.
Dir: Lynne Littman
Stars: Jane Alexander, William Devane, Lukas Haas

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
1974
**
A giant maniac with a huge chainsaw butchers those who come to his territory.
By no means a classic film, in fact a pretty amateurish one, but done with enough verve, humour, power and disturbing detail to reserve its place in the annals of horror history.
Dir: Tobe Hooper
Stars: Marilyn Burns, Allen Danziger, Gunnar Hansen

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
2003
**
Slick remake that's technically better than the original if without its rawness. It hikes the tension up early on and keeps it at a pitch.
Dir: Marcus Nispel
Stars: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Erica Leerhsen, R Lee Ermey, Andrew Bryniarski

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2
1986
*
A marshal goes after the cannibal family.
Madcap sequel that effectively turns into a hilarious, even more violent remake of the first movie.
Dir: Tobe Hooper
Stars: Dennis Hopper, Caroline Williams, Bill Moseley
Sequel: Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (qv)

THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
2005
***
A spinmaster for a tobacco company is forced to examine his role.
Super-smart satire that sees the best dialogue in years mouthed by a fine cast under quirky but sure-handed direction.
Dir: Jason Reitman
Stars: Aaron Eckhart, Maria Bello, William H Macy, Rob Lowe, Katie Holmes, Robert Duvall

THAT KIND OF GIRL
1963
*
A beautiful Austrian au pair in London unfortunately contracts VD.
A warning against sexual promiscuousness that thankfully doesn’t become preachy until the latter stages – before then we get a rather sweet tale of naivety set against a background that captures a flavour of the times. Although made very cheaply and with an intrusive score, it has some quiet charm.
Dir: Gerry O’Hara
Stars: Margaret-Rose Keil, David Weston, Linda Marlowe, Peter Burton

THAT’LL BE THE DAY
1973
*
A discontented young man decides on a career in the pop business.
Curious, downbeat drama which kind of ends at what could be the beginning. In its favour, the cast and song numbers have interest.
Dir: Claude Whatham
Stars: David Essex, Ringo Starr, Rosemary Leach, James Booth, Billy Fury, Keith Moon

THAT’S CARRY ON
1977
0
Compilation of clips from various Carry On films.
A rather randomly selected collection of moments from most of the Carry On films; the film isn't helped by toe-curling presentation from Williams and Windsor.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Kenneth Williams, Barbara Windsor

THAT’S MY WIFE
1929
*
After his wife walks out on him, Ollie enlists Stan to pose as his other half in order to persuade a rich uncle to leave him his fortune.
Sprightly short which sustains its drag premise and provides some amusingly risqué moments in the restaurant.
Dir: Lloyd French
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, William Courtright

THEATRE OF BLOOD
1972
***
A failed Shakespearean actor kills his harshest critics in the manner of murders from the Bard's plays.
Good gory fun in which Price is given free rein to do his demented killer act, which he accepts with relish – the Shakespeare quotes in particular are a delight. And pretty much every one of the cast is a national treasure.
Dir: Douglas Hickox
Stars: Vincent Price, Diana Rigg, Ian Hendry, Michael Horden, Arthur Lowe, Robert Morley, Dennis Price, Milo O'Shea, Eric Sykes, Madeline Smith, Diana Dors

THEATRE OF DEATH
1966
0
Vampiric murders in Paris are traced back to a theatre.
Dingy thriller with very little horror or flavour of Paris.
Dir: Samuel Gallu
Stars: Christopher Lee, Julian Glover, Leila Goldoni

THEIR FIRST MISTAKE
1932
**
Ollie adopts a baby to assuage his wife, but he and Stan end up having to care for it.
Bright star comedy with a particularly splendid first two thirds, as the boys set out their demented plan for happiness; it then runs out of ideas and ends on an inconsequential note.
Dir: George Marshall
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mae Busch, Billy Gilbert

THEIR PURPLE MOMENT
1928
*
Stan and Ollie sneak out on their wives for a night on the town.
The ideas in this short would be developed with more success later; here the comedy bubbles along nicely enough until the rather abrupt, unsatisfying conclusion.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Tiny Sandford

THELMA & LOUISE
1991
**
A waitress and a housewife shoot a rapist and take off in their car through the desert.
Smart and offbeat road movie, skilfully shot and performed, a satisfying entertainment.
Dir: Ridley Scott
Stars: Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis, Harvey Keitel, Michael Madsen, Brad Pitt

THEM!
1954
**
Thanks to nuclear tests, ants grow to an enormous size and attack the population.
Beginning with eerie desert scenes and ending in fiery city scenes, this is the first and best of the '50s giant bug movies, although it has a faded air now, inevitably.
Dir: Gordon Douglas
Stars: James Whitmore, Edmund Gwenn, Joan Weldon

THEM THAR HILLS
1934
**
Stan and Ollie head to the countryside to relax but end up getting inadvertently sloshed on moonshine.
Pleasant bucolic knockabout that pits the boys against their frequent adversary Charlie Hall, which is always great value.
Dir: Charley Rogers
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mae Busch, Charlie Hall, Billy Gilbert

THERE WILL BE BLOOD
2007
***
At the start of the 20th century, an oil man tries to make as much money as possible by finding lucrative new fields.
Character-driven epic that offers a great deal to chew on and admire: the sweeping cinematography, a meaty, layered storyline, an unusual, effective score and, most of all, Day-Lewis's deep, textured performance that’s worth the price of admission alone – he ensures that nothing is assumable about his character and, as the movie progresses, it becomes impossible to guess what he will do next. Remarkably different from pretty much any other film, it's easily one of the best of its year.
Dir: Paul Thomas Anderson
Stars: Daniel Day-Lewis, Paul Dano, Kevin J O’Connor, Ciaran Hinds

THERE’S A GIRL IN MY SOUP
1970
*
A vain, womanising TV personality takes on the tough job of seducing a 19-year-old girl he desires.
Sellers lifts this middling sex comedy out of the ordinary, wickedly playing an ageing lothario with similarities to his real life self.
Dir: Roy Boulting
Stars: Peter Sellers, Goldie Hawn, Tony Britton, Nicky Henson, Diana Dors

THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS
1954
*
A family showbiz act begins to break up when one meets a beautiful girl.
Entertaining musical with good tunes and cast, particularly a luscious Monroe.
Dir: Walter Lang
Stars: Marilyn Monroe, Dan Dailey, Ethel Merman, Donald O'Connor

THERE’S ONLY ONE JIMMY GRIMBLE
2000
*
A bullied schoolboy takes solace in football, and tastes success thanks to a former professional player.
Hardly original or unpredictable drama which nevertheless, after a gloomy start, becomes quite uplifting.
Dir: John Hay
Stars: Lewis McKenzie, Jane Lapotaire, Gina McKee, Robert Carlyle

THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY
1998
*
A man gets the chance to once again meet up with the girl he adored at high school.
Nasty comedy that treads an uncertain line between high farce (which is sometimes very funny) and serious unpleasantness.
Dir: Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly
Stars: Cameron Diaz, Matt Dillon, Ben Stiller, Lee Evans

THEY CAME FROM BEYOND SPACE
1967
0
Aliens take over the minds of humans to use them as slave labour.
Delightfully daft sci-fi that descends into silliness after a chilling introduction.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Robert Hutton, Michael Gough, Jennifer Jayne, Bernard Kay

THEY DRIVE BY NIGHT
1938
**
An ex con is accused of the murder of his girlfriend.
Superior British thriller showing some excellent work, particularly in the first half.
Dir: Arthur B Woods
Stars: Emlyn Williams, Ernest Thesiger, Anna Konstam

THEY GO BOOM
1929
*
Stan tries to help Ollie with his cold, but only makes things worse.
Confined star comedy providing some amusement; there’s little that’s truly side-splitting but it’s nice to see them work pratfalls out of a limited plot. A couple of years later they added a dog to the scenario, with some success, in Laughing Gravy.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall

THEY LIVE
1989
**
A construction worker acquires some glasses that give him the ability to spot which humans are really invading aliens.
Droll sci-fi which just about successfully combines social comment and expansive action.
Dir: John Carpenter
Stars: Roddy Piper, Keith David, Meg Foster

THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS
1972
0
A modern-day New Yorker believes that he is Sherlock Holmes.
A strange film about hiding from the awfulness of reality that’s not especially appetising.
Dir: Anthony Harvey
Stars: George C Scott, Joanne Woodward, Jack Gilford

THEY’RE PLAYING WITH FIRE
1984
0
A man appears to be murdering his way to an inheritance.
Acceptable exploitation film in which the killer can be guessed 20 minutes from the end. And Danning could never be a teacher.
Dir: Howard Avedis
Stars: Sybil Danning, Eric Brown, Andrew Prine

THICKER THAN WATER
1935
**
Stan and Ollie waste the housekeeping money on a grandfather clock which is promptly destroyed.
The boys' last short may not of been among their finest but has some quirky ideas, including the optical wipes and the finale in which Stan and Ollie end up having swapped bodies.
Dir: James W Horne
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Daphne Pollard, James Finlayson, Charlie Hall

THE THIEF
1952
0
A nuclear physicist in Washington is really a foreign spy.
An attempt to make a thriller with no dialogue whatsoever - not surprisingly the strain soon shows and the film struggles to maintain the interest.
Dir: Russell Rouse
Stars: Ray Milland, Martin Gabel, Harry Bronson

THE THIEF OF BAGDAD
1924
*
To win the hand of a Caliph's daughter, a thief embarks on a perilous quest.
What was breath-taking and bewitching at the time now seems obvious and yawn-worthy, although the monsters have retained a certain charm.
Dir: Raoul Walsh
Stars: Douglas Fairbanks, Snitz Edwards, Charles Belcher

THE THIEF OF BAGHDAD
1940
***
A thief falls in with a genie and they have magical adventures together.
Majestic fantasy filled with an overpowering sense of magic and wonder.
Dir: Michael Powell, Ludwig Berger, Tim Whelan
Stars: Conrad Veidt, Sabu, June Duprez, John Justin

THE THIEF OF BAGHDAD
1978 (TV)
0
A wily thief helps a prince win the hand of a beautiful princess.
Made for TV but given a cinema release in Britain, this pedestrian remake lacks the splendour and technical proficiency of the movie made 38 years previously.
Dir: Clive Donner
Stars: Roddy McDowall, Frank Finlay, Peter Ustinov, Terence Stamp, Ian Holm

THIEF OF HEARTS
1984
0
A married woman is seduced by a stranger who knows all about her because he has read her diaries.
Minor studio product, something to watch on a rainy day.
Dir: Douglas Day Stewart
Stars: Steven Bauer, Barbara Williams, John Getz, David Caruso

THE THIN BLUE LINE
1988
*
Documentary which successfully attempted to prove the innocence of a man accused of killing a policeman.
Probing and responsible filmmaking that’s among the most praised of its genre – it’s certainly tightly controlled and technically adept but it can’t escape the fact that it’s largely footage of people sitting talking to the camera.
Dir: Errol Morris

THE THIN MAN
1934
***
A husband and wife detective team solve a murder.
Delightful freewheeling comedy thriller which spawned several imitations and sequels.
Dir: W S Van Dyke
Stars: William Powell, Myrna Loy, Maureen O'Sullivan, Cesar Romero

THE THING
1982
***
Scientists in the Antarctic are menaced by a shape-shifting alien.
Superior remake of the below that ratchets up the tension, then frequently splits it asunder with superbly gruesome special effects.
Dir: John Carpenter
Stars: Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, T K Carter, Keith David

THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD
1951
**
Scientists battle a blood-thirsty alien amid snowy wastes.
Terse sci-fi offering a few well-timed shocks.
Dir: Christian Nyby, Howard Hawks
Stars: Kenneth Tobey, Margaret Sheridan, James Arness

THINGS TO COME
1936
***
Earth's future goes from war and deprivation to a new age of reason.
For the time, a movie that was immense in scope and ambition and one that dazzled and frightened movie goers. Time has not treated it well, with the stilted acting and dry, humourless scripting being particularly evident, but it remains a dynamic spectacle that still demands attention.
Dir: William Cameron Menzies
Stars: Raymond Massey, Edward Chapman, Ralph Richardson, Cedric Hardwicke

THE THIRD MAN
1949
****
An American writer arriving in post-war Vienna is informed that the friend who was waiting for him has been murdered.
A classic slice of post-war cinema that's strikingly shot from first frame to last, backed by that zimmer score and bolstered by superb performances from every member of the cast. One of the great British films, and certainly one of the most astonishingly original.
Dir: Carol Reed
Stars: Joseph Cotten, Alida Valli, Orson Welles, Trevor Howard, Bernard Lee, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Paul Horbiger

THIRST
1979
*
A modern-day vampire cult try to recruit the ancestor of legendary bloodsucker Elizabeth Bathory.
The concept is fairly original and there are some attention-grabbing surreal images, but the plot's thinness does show through – a sparse amount of dialogue and an ambling, dreamlike midsection are notable signs of this.
Dir: Rod Hardy
Stars: Chantal Contouri, Shirley Cameron, Max Phipps, David Hemmings

THIRTEEN GHOSTS
2001
0
A family are forced to endure a house that is a box of deadly tricks as part of an inheritance.
A lesson in how not to make a shocker, this tat is devoid of suspense and subtlety, has a rubbish cast, is confined and claustrophobic, and is never less than extremely grating.
Dir: Steve Beck
Stars: Tony Shalhoub, Embeth Davidtz, Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth

13HRS
2010
0
Youths hide from a vicious monster in a big house.
Why can’t British horror films have casts of middle-aged or older people any more? Why can’t filmmakers be more imaginative than simply relaying a siege/chase scenario? Why do snotty youths squabbling, swearing, crying and moaning pass for entertainment? Why do dire and depressing movies like these even have to be made?
Dir: Jonathan Glendening
Stars: Isabella Calthorpe, Tom Felton, Gemma Atkinson, Joshua Bowman

THE 39 STEPS
1935
****
A man is forced to go on the run when the spy he has befriended is killed.
The quintessential Hitchcock chase thriller, full of his delicious touches, it comfortably stands up to multiple viewings after all these years.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Robert Donat, Madeleine Carroll, Godfrey Tearle, Peggy Ashcroft

THE 39 STEPS
1959
*
A man is chased for a murder he didn't commit.
Adequate if poorly paced remake whose only improvement on its predecessor is being in colour.
Dir: Ralph Thomas
Stars: Kenneth More, Taina Elg, Barry Jones, Reginald Beckwith

THE THIRTY-NINE STEPS
1978
**
A man attempts to stop spies blowing up Big Ben.
Enjoyable, eventful remake which happens to stick a lot closer to the original book than Hitchcock did.
Dir: Don Sharp
Stars: Robert Powell, David Warner, Eric Porter, Karen Dotrice, John Mills

30 YEARS OF FUN
1963
*
One of the weaker Youngson compilations, this midway effort has highlights in the form of Chaplin’s Easy Street and The Ring, and Stan and Ollie in The Lucky Dog, but some lesser material – in fact the historical footage is sometimes more interesting than the comedy footage. Poor picture quality is also very evident now.
Dir: Robert Youngson
Narrator: Jay Jackson. Stars: Charles Chaplin, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Buster Keaton, Harry Langdon, ‘Snub’ Pollard, Charley Chase

THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED
2006
*
Documentary about the American movie ratings board and its alleged faults. While not the devastating exposé its maker possibly thinks it is, this is an interesting if uneven piece of campaigning filmmaking whose targets vary in validity.
Dir/Narrator: Kirby Dick

THIS HAPPY BREED
1944
**
The story of a London family between the wars.
Flawed it may be, but this very English drama is important because it says a good deal about the character of our people – their humour, resourcefulness, stoicism, habits – and does so in a manner untainted by cynicism and rancour. It’s only cinematic in short bursts, and often too talky and soapy, but was not undeserving of the careful restoration it received in 2008, when its grey skies were literally turned blue.
Dir: David Lean
Stars: Robert Newton, Celia Johnson, Stanley Holloway, John Mills, Kay Walsh

THIS IS ENGLAND
2007
**
In the Midlands in 1983, a young boy takes up with a group of skinheads.
A kind of compilation of bits from the director's previous features, this honest, vivid drama gains from its naturalistic performances and observant asides, but has brutal and hysterical extremes that may alienate many audiences, and the determination to embed the narrative in a political context (including, for example, the final Falklands montage) is misguided at best and insensitive at worst.
Dir: Shane Meadows
Stars: Thomas Turgoose, Stephen Graham, Joseph Gilgun

THIS IS SPINAL TAP
1983
****
Mock documentary on a hopeless British heavy metal band touring America.
Irresistible comedy classic that offers a trough of pleasures; the performances are note perfect, the semi-improvised script is witty and perceptive, and even the characters' names are a joy. Almost any scene could be taken out and proudly exhibited.
Dir: Rob Reiner
Stars: Rob Reiner, Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer, Tony Hendra

THIS ISLAND EARTH
1955
*
Aliens arrive on Earth looking for scientists to help them in their war.
Moderately intriguing sci-fi mystery diminished by a highly artificial air and lack of pace.
Dir: Joseph M Newman
Stars: Jeff Morrow, Faith Domergue, Rex Reason

THIS SPORTING LIFE
1963
*
A rugby league player is unable to control his anger away from the game.
Surly drama, rather too grim to be widely liked.
Dir: Lindsay Anderson
Stars: Richard Harris, Rachel Roberts, Alan Badel, William Hartnell, Colin Blakely, Arthur Lowe, George Sewell, Leonard Rossiter

THIS, THAT AND THE OTHER
1969
0
Three stories concerning a sex symbol, attempted suicide and wild hallucinations.
Dismal, bizarre, totally unfunny sex comedy that was its director’s first effort - it certainly looks like he had never used a film camera before.
Dir: Derek Ford
Stars: Victor Spinetti, Vanessa Howard, Dennis Waterman, John Bird, Valerie Leon

THOR
2011
*
The god of thunder comes to Earth to learn some humility.
Thor never was a particularly interesting or likeable superhero and this production doesn’t do much to make him any more empathetic, or a big-time player, but it’s not a bad movie, although the pacing is not quite right and locations a little odd.
Dir: Kenneth Branagh
Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins

THOR THE CONQUEROR
1982
0
Thor goes on a conquest to avenge his dead father.
The worst sword and sorcery picture you could possibly imagine.
Dir: Tonino Ricci
Stars: Conrad Nichols, Maria Romano, Malisa Lang

THOSE WERE THE DAYS
1934
*
A magistrate visits a music hall against the wishes of his father.
The great Will Hay's first film vehicle is essentially a record of the music hall - which was in decline when this came out - and is therefore largely of historical interest.
Dir: Thomas Bentley
Stars: Will Hay, Iris Hoey, John Mills

A THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS
1944
0
Aladdin uses a genie to help him win a princess' hand.
Dull Arabian Nights comedy.
Dir: Alfred E Green
Stars: Cornel Wilde, Evelyn Keyes, Phil Silvers, Adele Jergens

1,000 CONVICTS AND A WOMAN
1971
*
The sexually promiscuous daughter of a prison governor causes chaos at his establishment.
Inviting exploitation sub-matter, quite fun until it gets a bit exhausted later on.
Dir: Ray Austin
Stars: Alexandra Hay, Sandor Eles, Harry Baird, Neil Hallet

THREE
2006
0
After their boat is wrecked, two angry men and a desirable woman end up on island.
Lousy continuity is the least of this thriller's worries, with absurdities too many to list - although you could start with the waterproof cigarettes and the lack of sunburn - and characters that do not behave in any sort of believable manner. Still, the sea's a nice shade of blue and Miss Brook is exceptionally easy on the eye.
Dir: Stewart Raffill
Stars: Billy Zane, Kelly Brook, Juan Pablo Di Pace

THREE AMIGOS
1987
0
Three actors head to a Mexican village to perform as bandits, unaware that it is the real thing.
Forced, childish comedy revelling in old jokes.
Dir: John Landis
Stars: Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Martin Short

THREE CASES OF MURDER
1954
*
Three stories of expiration: In The Picture, You Killed Elizabeth and Lord Mountdrago.
Likeable compendium; the first tale is imaginative and stylish if a little on the verbose side, the second is utter piffle but still quite fun, the third sees a richly enjoyable performance from Welles although the intrinsic logic of the story is at fault: in the House of Commons, a politician has a right to do down an opponent; it’s also unlikely that Mountdrago would be later perturbed by this Welsh pipsqueak. The sequences where Welles loses his trousers and sings to the House are a hoot.
Dir: David Eady, Wendy Toye, George More O'Ferrall
Stars: Orson Welles, John Gregson, Emrys Jones, Elizabeth Sellars, Andre Morell, Alan Badel, Eamonn Andrews

THREE COLOURS: BLUE
1993
**
A woman withdraws from life after the death of her husband and daughter.
Exquisitely shot in a manner that illustrates Binoche’s character’s relationship with the world, the first part of the Colours trilogy – which concerns liberty, equality and fraternity - is not nearly as bleak as it might have been and benefits from a flawless lead performance.
Dir: Krzysztof Kieslowski
Stars: Juliette Binoche, Benoit Regent, Florence Pernel

THREE COLOURS: RED
1994
*
A beautiful model runs over the dog of a retired judge who spies on his neighbours; they strike up a strange friendship.
The final part of Kieslowski's Colours trilogy had many critics in raptures, but despite its intellectual grounding it is not an especially engaging or enlightening film - the overall effect is muffled and as the plot features characters who pass like ships in the night you feel little for them, and by extension, little for the film itself.
Dir: Krzysztof Kieslowski
Stars: Irene Jacob, Jean-Louis Trintignant, Jean-Pierre Lorit

THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR
1974
*
A CIA researcher finds his co-workers dead and finds he can trust nobody.
Complex, confident thriller in the style of The 39 Steps.
Dir: Sydney Pollack
Stars: Robert Redford, Faye Dunaway, Cliff Robertson, Max von Sydow

THE THREE FACES OF EVE
1957
*
A doctor treats a woman suffering from multiple personality disorder.
Apparently based on a true story, this is a rather stiff psychiatric drama with few frills.
Dir: Nunnally Johnson
Stars: Joanne Woodward, David Wayne, Lee J Cobb

THREE MEN AND A BABY
1987
*
Three bachelors are forced to take care of an infant.
Young parents will be most likely to sympathise with this warm and humorous comedy that became a surprise hit.
Dir: Leonard Nimoy
Stars: Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, Nancy Travis

THE THREE MUSKETEERS
1973
**
A young swordsman comes to Paris to have adventures with his Musketeer pals.
The plot gets a bit lost but the action is splendid and the Musketeers likeable.
Dir: Richard Lester
Stars: Oliver Reed, Raquel Welch, Richard Chamberlain, Michael York, Frank Finlay, Christopher Lee, Faye Dunaway, Charlton Heston

3:10 TO YUMA
2007
**
A rancher in need of money agrees to help take an outlaw to a prison train.
Frequently implausible but solidly crafted western that invests heavily in the two main characters and sees it pay off; performances, too, are uniformly good.
Dir: James Mangold
Stars: Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, Logan Lerman, Dallas Roberts, Ben Foster, Peter Fonda, Gretchen Mol

THE 3 WORLDS OF GULLIVER
1959
0
A man is washed up on an island where the inhabitants are tiny but war-like.
Spiritless children's version of Swift's book that irritates rather than pleases.
Dir: Jack Sher
Stars: Kerwin Mathews, Jo Morrow, June Thorburn

300
2007
*
Three hundred Spartan warriors take on the might of the Persian army.
A glorification of war based on a graphic novel - the action's the thing, and it does look awesome, but there are chewy bits in between, a grandiloquent narration and a total lack of empathy for any of the characters.
Dir: Zack Snyder
Stars: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West

THRONE OF BLOOD
1957
**
A samurai, spurred on by his wife and a witch, murders his lord.
Atmospheric Japanese take on Macbeth, complete with a spectacular, bloody finale.
Dir: Akira Kurosawa
Stars: Toshiro Mifune, Isuzu Yamada, Takashi Shimura

THUNDER ROCK
1942
**
A man living on his own in a lighthouse has visions of previous people who have visited the outpost.
Curious hymn to pacifism that evolves into a series of human interest stories; interesting rather than exciting.
Dir: Roy Boulting
Stars: Michael Redgrave, James Mason, Barbara Mullen, Lilli Palmer

THUNDERBALL
1965
**
James Bond searches for two nuclear bombs that have been stolen by SPECTRE.
Sometimes splendid, sometimes slow fourth in the series that tends to test the patience in its long underwater scenes - it's hard to tell who's doing what to whom.
Dir: Terence Young
Stars: Sean Connery, Claudine Auger, Adolfo Celi, Guy Doleman, Bernard Lee, Desmond Llewelyn, Lois Maxwell

THUNDERBIRD 6
1968
*
The airship that Lady Penelope is touring the world in is hijacked.
Extremely mild, not unpleasant sci-fi puppetry with diligent model work and music scoring.
Dir: David Lane
Voices: Keith Alexander, Sylvia Anderson, Shane Rimmer, Geoffrey Keen

THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!
1966
*
International Rescue assist Zero-X, a spacecraft that has been sabotaged.
Padded out version of Gerry Anderson’s most popular TV series; the special effects are decent and the puppets are amusing but the scope for excitement is, frankly, limited.
Dir: David Lane
Voices: Sylvia Anderson, Ray Barrett, Bob Monkhouse, Shane Rimmer

THUNDERING FLEAS
1926
0
A group of kids cause havoc at a wedding with some fleas.
Primitive short, an Our Gang subject, which uses occasional animation for its fleas. Strictly of historical interest only.
Dir: Robert F McGowan
Stars: Oliver Hardy, Charley Chase, Jackie Condon, Mickey Daniels

THX1138
1970
*
In the 25th century, a man and a woman rebel against their strict masters.
Unfriendly sci-fi, the antithesis of Star Wars, that drags the viewer into its dystopian gloom.
Dir: George Lucas
Stars: Robert Duvall, Donald Pleasence, Don Pedro Colley

TIDAL WAVE
1975
0
The race is on to stop Japan from sinking into the sea.
Essentially a re-edit of the Japanese epic The Submersion Of Japan with added American scenes that are not as conspicuous as might have been. The end result is better than the average ’70s disaster movie, but it still is a ’70s disaster movie...
Dir: Shiro Moritani/Andrew Meyer
Stars: Lorne Greene, Rhonda Leigh Hopkins/Keiju Kobayashi, Hiroshi Fujioka

TIE ME UP! TIE ME DOWN!
1990
*
A man pleads with a porn star to become his wife.
Steamy melodrama that basks in the dark side of human nature.
Dir: Pedro Almodovar
Stars: Victoria Abril, Antonio Banderas, Loles Leon

TIFFANY JONES
1973
0
A glamorous fashion model gets tangled in foreign espionage.
The tone is set early on for this child-like version of a sexy cartoon strip (that resembled Daily Mirror stalwart Jane), as it misfires on all cylinders, especially with the three comical cooks.
Dir: Pete Walker
Stars: Anouska Hempel, Ray Brooks, Eric Pohlmann, Lynda Baron

TIGHTROPE
1985
*
A cop's daughters are targeted by a serial rapist.
Watchable thriller on familiar lines.
Dir: Richard Tuggle
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Genevieve Bujold, Dan Hedaya, Alison Eastwood

TILL DEATH US DO PART
1969
*
East End bigot Alf Garnett and family survive the London blitz.
Episodic, stretched out version of the seminal TV comedy; vintage moments but a little slow.
Dir: Norman Cohen
Stars: Warren Mitchell, Dandy Nichols, Una Stubbs, Anthony Booth, Bill Maynard, Brian Blessed

TIME AFTER TIME
1979
**
H G Wells pursues Jack the Ripper to the 20th century in his time machine.
Audacious and enjoyable sci-fi cleverly utilising the concept of time paradoxes.
Dir: Nicholas Meyer
Stars: Malcolm McDowell, David Warner, Mary Steenburgen, Charles Cioffi

TIME BANDITS
1981
*
A young boy joins a group of dwarves who jump from one time period to another to steal treasure.
Imaginative fantasy which lasts too long but has some select comedic high spots.
Dir: Terry Gilliam
Stars: David Rappaport, Kenny Baker, John Cleese, Sean Connery, Shelley Duvall, Ian Holm, Michael Palin, Ralph Richardson, Peter Vaughan, David Warner

TIME FLIES
1944
0
A music hall star heads back in time to the days of Queen Elizabeth I.
Sadly dated farce which probably cheered up war-torn Blighty.
Dir: Walter Forde
Stars: Tommy Handley, Evelyn Dall, Felix Aylmer, Moore Marriott, Graham Moffatt

TIME GAMES
1985
0
A girl travel backs to 19th century Australia thanks to a strange antique lace collar.
Nice looking but soppy fantasy made in the wake of Back To The Future.
Dir: Donald Crombie
Stars: Imogen Annesley, Peter Phelps, Mouche Phillips

TIME GENTLEMEN PLEASE
1952
0
The Prime Minister is due to visit a 'perfect' village, but residents are determined to hide a dirty tramp who blights it.
Flat and unsympathetic comedy that feels false.
Dir: Lewis Gilbert
Stars: Eddie Byrne, Hermione Baddeley, Dora Bryan, Thora Hird, Sid James, Edie Martin

TIME LOCK
1957
**
A boy is accidentally locked in a vault and the race is on to get him out before his oxygen runs out.
Tight, neat suspenser with little flab and factual, no-nonsense dialogue. Most likeable but a truly great director might have created a mini masterpiece.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Robert Beatty, Lee Patterson, Betty McDowall

THE TIME MACHINE
1960
**
A Victorian gentleman travels far into the future to discover a planet at war.
H G Wells goes to Hollywood; miscast but rather splendid fantasy that takes the viewer on an entertaining ride.
Dir: George Pal
Stars: Rod Taylor, Alan Young, Yvette Mimieux, Sebastian Cabot

TIME MASTERS
1982
0
A small boy is the only survivor of an attack by giant hornets.
Tedious, barely coherent cartoon with no sense of fun.
Dir: Rene Laloux
Voices: Jean Valmont, Michel Elias, Frederic Legros

THE TIME TRAVELERS
1964
*
A group of scientists travel 107 years into the future… and regret it.
Low budget sci-fi with a good reputation, but apart from its unexpected climax, there’s nothing too remarkable for the modern viewer.
Dir: Ib Melchior
Stars: Preston Foster, Philip Carey, Merry Anders

TIME TRAVELERS
1976 (TV)
0
Scientists head back to 1871 Chicago to find a cure for a deadly disease.
Trifling fantasy that sees Irwin Allen try to resurrect his Time Tunnel scenario, only on what looks like an even more modest budget. The idea may be quite neat but too much dull chat and that puny budget mean it struggles to get out of the starting blocks.
Dir: Alexander Singer
Stars: Sam Groom, Tom Hallick, Richard Basehart, Francine York

THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE
2009
*
A man has a genetic disease which causes him to suddenly travel through time.
Decent adaptation of an absurd but interesting and very successful book that wisely makes its central characters a good deal more likeable than they are on the page but still doesn’t move very far from their personal anguishes. Predictably aimed more at the female crowd than the sci-fi crowd, it’s an earnest film that tantalises and teases but doesn’t quite deliver a knockout punch.
Dir: Robert Schwentke
Stars: Eric Bana, Rachel McAdams

TIME TRAVELLER: THE GIRL WHO LEAPT THROUGH TIME
2010
0
A schoolgirl whose scientist mother has been seriously hurt in an accident takes a potion that allows her to travel back in time.
The 2006 anime of a similar name had the heroine jumping around different time zones – this just sees the girl head back to 1974 and stay there. It doesn’t get especially interesting until near the end when the other time traveller shows up, and the love story that unfolds is barely affecting, making you rile against elements like the sentimental music score.
Dir: Masaaki Taniguchi
Stars: Riisa Naka, Akinobu Nakao, Narumi Yasuda

TIME WALKER
1982
0
An alien that has been buried in a tomb returns to life to terrorise students.
Unsurprising sci-fi horror which looks a bit like a TV movie.
Dir: Tom Kennedy
Stars: Ben Murphy, Michelle Avonne, Nina Axelrod

TIMECOP
1994
*
When a scientist ‘invents’ time travel a special band of cops are introduced to ensure there are no abuses of it.
A Lidl version of Terminator that starts especially well but then becomes little more than a vehicle for Van Damme to beat people up. The plot makes truly no sense, and there may have been wiser places to set the climax than a big house on a dark and rainy night, but this is acceptable escapist fantasy fun.
Dir: Peter Hyams
Stars: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Mia Sara, Ron Silver, Bruce McGill

TIMER
2009
0
In a world where most adults wear timers on their wrists to tell them when their true love will come along, one woman finds that hers is still stuck at zero.
A high-concept drama in low-fi dress, a sort of indie Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind that’s sadly never quite as good as you hope: very much a film more suited to a female audience, it’s hellishly overlong considering how slight it is and, although the interesting (if unlikely) concept lends itself to intriguing drama, there doesn't appear to be the talent or ambition to truly make it sing.
Dir: Jac Schaeffer
Stars: Emma Caulfield, Michelle Borth, John Patrick Amedori, Desmond Harrington

THE TIMES OF HARVEY MILK
1984
***
Documentary looking at the life and assassination of gay politician Harvey Milk.
Oscar-winning doc that successfully presents Milk as an important player in the struggle for human rights and the advancement of civilisation, even in death. That it’s structured almost like a thriller doesn’t cheapen its message.
Dir: Rob Epstein
Narrator: Harvey Fierstein

TIMESLIP
1955
0
After he is shot, a scientist lives life 7.5 seconds in the future.
That synopsis is a mischievous one (and the one usually given by film guides), but this tantalising idea is only used as a very small part of this minor thriller, during hospital bed conversations which resemble a Two Ronnies sketch. Other than that it’s a rather dull effort which now seems to only exist in a dim and scratchy version.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Gene Nelson, Faith Domergue, Peter Arne, Joseph Tomelty, Charles Hawtrey

TIMESTALKERS
1986 (TV)
0
A history professor gets involved with time travellers from the far future.
Back To The Future type stuff which never reaches great heights of excitement.
Dir: Michael Schultz
Stars: William Devane, Lauren Hutton, John Ratzenberger, Klaus Kinski

THE TIN DRUM
1979
*
A young boy refuses to grow up when he sees the horror of the world around him.
Well made but heavy going fable that both unsettles and amuses thanks to its morbid sense of humour.
Dir: Volker Schlondorff
Stars: Mario Adorf, Angela Winkler, David Bennent

TINA: WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT
1993
**
The life of singer Tina Turner, who suffered abuse at the hands of her hubby, Ike.
Dark and compelling biopic which pulls no punches in its portrayal of Ike.
Dir: Brian Gibson
Stars: Angela Bassett, Laurence Fishburne, Khandi Alexander

THE TINGLER
1959
*
A pathologist discovers a creature that lives in people's vertebrae.
Enjoyably absurd gimmicky horror in Castle's best manner.
Dir: William Castle
Stars: Vincent Price, Judith Evelyn, Darryl Hickman

TINTORERA
1978
0
A large shark terrorises the Mexican coast.
Bad beyond belief soap opera/horror with less dramatic tension than an episode of Postman Pat. One of those films that makes you exclaim, 'This is the worst film I've ever seen!'
Dir: Rene Cardona Jr
Stars: Susan George, Fiona Lewis, Hugo Stiglitz

THE TIT AND THE MOON
1995
*
A young boy longs to drink his mother's milk once again.
Irritating, self-consciously quirky fantasy using that type of child's narration all too frequently heard in foreign films.
Dir: Bigas Luna
Stars: Mathilda May, Biel Duran, Gerard Darmon

TIT FOR TAT
1935
*
Stan and Ollie open an electrical repair shop but unfortunately it is next to a grocery store run by one of their old enemies.
A chronicle of mass destruction with a slightly sour, sad taste.
Dir: Charley Rogers
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall, Mae Busch

TITANIC
1997
**
On board the doomed passenger liner in 1912, an unhappy, headstrong woman in first class falls in love with a young American in third class.
Hollywood at its most Hollywood-like, a remarkably planned, incredibly detailed and sumptuously set extravaganza that presents a tragic love story alongside sequences of super-expensive and spectacular destruction, and at gargantuan length. Despite the odd lapse in narrative and historical accuracy it holds the interest and is a testament to the director's unswerving passion in his ambitious project.
Dir: James Cameron
Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Billy Zane, Kathy Bates, Gloria Stuart, Bill Paxton, Bernard Hill, David Warner

THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT
1952
****
Villagers attempt to keep their branch line train service running despite competition from the local bus service.
Like a on the move postcard of '50s rural Britain, this very special comedy could not be more English, presenting as it does the derring-do and decency of its people against a backdrop of luscious countryside, flagons of ale and village cricket; also delightful in its romanticisation of steam railways.
Dir: Charles Crichton
Stars: Stanley Holloway, George Relph, John Gregson, Godfrey Tearle, Edie Martin, Naunton Wayne, Hugh Griffith, Sid James

TITUS
1999
*
A Roman soldier returns from war to set a series of terrible events in motion.
Visually engulfing adaptation of Shakespeare's 'horror play', full of spectacle, sound and fury. Mighty long, too.
Dir: Julie Taymor
Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Jessica Lange, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Matthew Rhys

TO BE OR NOT TO BE
1942
***
In occupied Poland, a group of actors attempt to foil the Nazis.
The outrageous concept of this comic thriller is sure to prove surprising to delicate modern viewers, and the farcical, twisting plot is likely to delight also.
Dir: Ernst Lubitsch
Stars: Carole Lombard, Jack Benny, Robert Stack, Lionel Atwill

TO CATCH A THIEF
1955
*
An apparently retired cat burglar living on the French Riviera is suspected when there is an outbreak of jewel thefts.
Hitchcock and co go on holiday and serve up this luscious looking if dramatically languorous thriller that is not among his most penetrating works. It’s a shame that such a classy film is so dull.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Jessie Royce Landis, John Williams

TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT
1945
**
An American boat captain in Martinique gets involved with Nazis.
In many ways a fairly ordinary war thriller, but one’s that lifted considerably by its famous first pairing of Bogart and Bacall and the shards of dialogue they deliver.
Dir: Howard Hawks
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Walter Brennan, Hoggy Carmichael

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
1962
**
In the Depression-era South, a lawyer defends a black man on a rape charge.
Probably as good a film as could be made of the socially conscious Pulitzer Prize winning book, it is undoubtedly moving but eventually goes on for too long.
Dir: Robert Mulligan
Stars: Gregory Peck, Mary Badham, John Megna, Frank Overton, Robert Duvall

TO OUR LOVES
1983
*
A teenager leads a promiscuous lifestyle.
Noisy, often ponderous drama that’s typically French.
Dir: Maurice Pialat
Stars: Sandrine Bonnaire, Evelyne Ker, Dominique Besnehard

TO THE DEVIL A DAUGHTER
1976
0
A novelist battles to save the soul of a young girl from Satanists.
Largely soporific horror that comes to a shuddering halt.
Dir: Peter Sykes
Stars: Richard Widmark, Christopher Lee, Honor Blackman, Nastassja Kinski, Denholm Elliott

TO TRAP A SPY
1966
*
The Men from UNCLE attempt to stop an African leader being assassinated.
The first of the UNCLE ‘movies’ (ie extended television episodes), a series that added little to the development of the cinematic form but gave someone fun, somewhere.
Dir: Don Medford
Stars: Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, Luciana Paluzzi

TOKYO STORY
1953
**
An elderly couple visit their children in the city.
High-brow critics fall over themselves to heap adulation on this Japanese film, and it would be easy to take the opposing view and point out that almost nothing happens in it and what does is pretty dull; but there is much to appreciate, from the distinctive, stubbornly non-mobile camerawork to the little behavioural nuances that hint at much more. In summary, a peaceful, tranquil film that is at least totally different from the majority of Hollywood products.
Dir: Yasujiro Ozu
Stars: Chishu Ryu, Chieko Higashiyama, Setsuko Hara

TOM JONES
1963
**
In 18th-century England, a squire's son has a series of adventures.
Despite the director's modern, jokey approach this famous film is a rather tortuous wander through Fielding's material, neither as bawdy or rollicking as one is led to expect. There are some nicely executed interludes – like the deer hunt and the well-known gorging scene - but it’s hard to feel much for our titular hero, and his escapades seem to drag on for a considerable time.
Dir: Tony Richardson
Stars: Albert Finney, Susannah York, Hugh Griffith, Edith Evans, Joan Greenwood

TOM THUMB
1958
*
A woodcutter has his wishes granted by the queen of the forest.
A happy little film with energetic singing and dancing and decent trick effects.
Dir: George Pal
Stars: Russ Tamblyn, Terry-Thomas, Peter Sellers, Bernard Miles, Peter Butterworth

THE TOMB OF LIGEIA
1965
*
A nobleman believes that his new bride is possessed by the evil spirit of his dead wife.
Corman's last Poe adaptation is a bit too restrained and elegant for its own good, but Price is as good value as ever.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, Elizabeth Shepherd, John Westbrook, Richard Vernon

TOMMY
1975
**
A deaf, dumb and blind kid is roundly abused but his talent for pinball turns him into a modern-day messiah.
The Who’s dippy but beguiling rock opera is given the full, double-barrelled Ken Russell treatment and the result is an ostentatious and sometimes powerful fantasy that’s difficult to ignore. The cracking tunes help.
Dir: Ken Russell
Stars: Roger Daltrey, Oliver Reed, Ann-Margret, Elton John, Keith Moon, Jack Nicholson, Robert Powell, Tina Turner

TOMMY BOY
1995
0
A dimwitted man inherits a factory.
Awful all-American comedy which pairs unoriginal slapstick with a weirdly incoherent, business-obsessed plot.
Dir: Peter Segal
Stars: Chris Farley, Brian Dennehy, Bo Derek, Dan Aykroyd

TOMORROW AT TEN
1962
**
A kidnapper takes a boy and locks him in a room with a golliwog that has a bomb in it.
Neat, well controlled little thriller that benefits from two meaty lead performances and an absence of female characters. The police’s calmness is a little incredulous at times, and there might have been a few more shots of the clock, but the gently twisting tale and period asides make it a nice film to spend time with.
Dir: Lance Comfort
Stars: John Gregson, Robert Shaw, Alec Clunes, Kenneth Cope, William Hartnell

TOMORROW NEVER DIES
1997
*
James Bond tackles a media mastermind intent on starting World War 3.
There's really very little original in this umpteenth Bond flick, but a light touch ensures it's not a painful experience.
Dir: Roger Spottiswoode
Stars: Pierce Brosnan, Teri Hatcher, Jonathan Pryce, Michelle Yeoh, Joe Don Baker, Judi Dench, Desmond Llewelyn, Geoffrey Palmer

TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIE
1989
0
Someone is murdering fashion models.
Glossy whodunit of little substance or originality.
Dir: Dario Piana
Stars: Francois-Eric Gendron, Florence Guerin, Giovanni Tamberi

TOO MANY CROOKS
1958
*
An accident-prone gang of criminals kidnap a businessman's wife.
Nice and neat comedy which moves briskly and has a great cast.
Dir: Mario Zampi
Stars: Terry-Thomas, George Cole, Bernard Bresslaw, Sid James, Vera Day, John Le Mesurier, Edie Martin

TOO SCARED TO SCREAM
1985
0
A killer stalks women in a high rise apartment building.
Psycho-ish shocker which passes the time, hiding the killer pretty well.
Dir: Tony Lo Bianco
Stars: Mike Connors, Anne Archer, Ian McShane, John Heard, Maureen O'Sullivan

THE TOOLBOX MURDERS
1978
0
Women are murdered by a religious maniac with a big toolbox.
Skill-less horror which starts in deliciously trashy fashion – three brutal murders, including a beautiful naked redhead killed by a nail gun after a bath and a brief chase – but is then unable to mask its huge deficiencies, boring the audience to death with endless scenes of terrible dialogue and shots that are held for far too long. Watch out for the hilariously contaminated crime scenes, too.
Dir: Dennis Donnelly
Stars: Cameron Mitchell, Pamelyn Ferdin, Wesley Eure

TOOTSIE
1983
***
An out-of-work actor is forced to dress as a woman to get work.
One of the films of its year, a funny and sharply scripted comedy full of memorable performances; one in particular.
Dir: Sydney Pollack
Stars: Dustin Hoffman, Jessica Lange, Teri Garr, Bill Murray, Sydney Pollack, Geena Davis

TOP GUN
1986
*
A student at a flying school romances his teacher.
Glossy, shallow drama for boys who like their planes, even if they’re not involved in anything particularly significant.
Dir: Tony Scott
Stars: Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Val Kilmer, Tom Skerritt, Michael Ironside

TOP HAT
1935
****
Numerous obstacles stand in the way of a couple falling in love.
Glorious Fred and Ginger musical featuring top drawer song and dance numbers plus delightfully handled plot complications. Everything about it smacks of expertise.
Dir: Mark Sandrich
Stars: Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Edward Everett Horton, Erik Rhodes

TOP SECRET!
1984
**
An American rock and roll singer gets involved with a resistance plot to rescue an imprisoned East German scientist.
High spirited, good natured, frequently hilarious Airplane-type spoof with too many targets to mention.
Dir: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker
Stars: Val Kilmer, Lucy Gutteridge, Michael Gough, Peter Cushing, Jeremy Kemp, Warren Clarke

TOPAZ
1969
*
A French agent gets embroiled in Cold War politics.
Mostly leaden Hitchcock suspenser with too many characters and too much plot; one of his most disappointing pictures.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: John Forsythe, Frederick Stafford, John Vernon

TOPKAPI
1964
*
Crooks carry out a meticulous plan to steal a precious dagger from a Turkish museum.
Influential, watchable caper which culminates in an engrossing robbery after some dawdling earlier on; a surfeit of local noise and colour adds a good deal of flavour.
Dir: Jules Dassin
Stars: Melina Mercouri, Peter Ustinov, Maximilian Schell, Robert Morley, Jess Hahn

TOPPER
1937
*
A couple don't let death get in the way of them having a good time.
Much imitated fantasy comedy that almost, but not quite, makes mortality amusing.
Dir: Norman Z McLeod
Stars: Cary Grant, Constance Bennett, Roland Young, Billie Burke

TOPPER
1979 (TV)
0
Styleless remake bogged down by the old clichés.
Dir: Charles S Dubin
Stars: Jack Warden, Kate Jackson, Andrew Stevens

TOPPER RETURNS
1941
**
Topper helps the ghost of a woman track down her killer.
Dated but lively comedy for those who can take death lightly.
Dir: Roy Del Ruth
Stars: Joan Blondell, Roland Young, Carole Landis, Billie Burke

TOPPER TAKES A TRIP
1939
0
Mrs Topper seeks to divorce her husband because of his tomfoolery with ghosts.
Weakest of the Topper trilogy with entirely run-of-the-mill antics.
Dir: Norman Z McLeod
Stars: Roland Young, Constance Bennett, Billie Burke

TORMENTED
2009
0
A bullied schoolboy commits suicide but comes back from the dead to slay his persecutors.
Yet another example of how horrible popular culture for young Britons has become, this shallow horror film feigns to condemn bullying but instead condones it as it revels in the unpleasant behaviour of the vile youths who almost exclusively people it. It’s tricky to decide what’s more depressing: the amorality of the filmmakers or the fact that it received just a 15 certificate.
Dir: Jon Wright
Stars: Tuppence Middleton, Alex Pettyfer, April Pearson

TORN CURTAIN
1966
**
An American scientist defects to East Germany, but actually has other motives.
Latter-day Hitch which only sporadically shows the master at his best; two such scenes are the protracted killing in the kitchen and the escape on the bus.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Paul Newman, Julie Andrews, Wolfgang Kieling, Lila Kedrova

TORSO
1973
0
A hooded killer preys on hapless females.
If ever in need of a manual on how not to make a suspense thriller have a watch of this crass and boring effort with fake gore and bad acting. There’s certainly no other reason to watch it.
Dir: Sergio Martino
Stars: Suzy Kendall, Tina Aumont, Luc Merenda

TORTURE GARDEN
1967
*
Dr Diablo tells four people at a fairground terrible tales of their future.
Rather artificial-seeming Amicus anthology in which the stories range from very poor to good; the fairground provides a nice, lurid wraparound setting.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Burgess Meredith, Jack Palance, Peter Cushing, Michael Bryant, Maurice Denham

TOTAL RECALL
1990
***
In 2084, people can have memories implanted in their heads. A construction worker undergoes the process but it leads to a terrifying battle against an evil corporation.
Powerful, eventful sci-fi thriller that disguises its intelligence with tremendous action and violence - perhaps because the star was clearly more suited to the latter.
Dir: Paul Verhoeven
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sharon Stone, Ronny Cox, Michael Ironside

TOUCH OF EVIL
1958
**
A couple honeymooning in an American border town become embroiled in a political frame-up.
Complicated and unsympathetic thriller redeemed by splendid, moody cinematography.
Dir: Orson Welles
Stars: Charlton Heston, Janet Leigh, Orson Welles, Joseph Calleia

A TOUCH OF LOVE
1968
0
A single girl becomes pregnant and is faced with difficult life choices.
Dreary drama with a drip of a star; Amicus should have stuck to horror films.
Dir: Waris Hussein
Stars: Sandy Dennis, Ian McKellen, Eleanor Bron, John Standing

TOUCHING THE VOID
2002
**
Documentary focusing on two climbers' attempts to surmount a treacherous mountain.
Stirring tale of despair and heroism, strikingly shot.
Dir: Kevin Macdonald
Stars: Joe Simpson, Simon Yates

TOWED IN A HOLE
1932
***
Stan and Ollie run into difficulties doing up the boat they have bought to help them with their fish business.
Wonderful star comedy demonstrating their ability to perform something beyond slapstick and their knack with sparing but lunatic dialogue, including Stan's inability to repeat an idea.
Dir: George Marshall
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Billy Gilbert

TOWER OF EVIL
1972
0
Teenagers on a remote island off the coast are stalked by a monster.
Standard shocker with plenty of crowd-pleasing gore and nudity, it plays like a precursor to the next decade’s stalk and slash movies.
Dir: Jim O'Connolly
Stars: Bryant Haliday, Jill Haworth, Robin Askwith, Candace Glendenning, George Coulouris, Anna Palk

TOWER OF LONDON
1939
*
Richard Duke of Gloucester kills those standing between him and the throne.
Historical melodrama with horror overtones, mainly notable for juicy turns from Rathbone, Karloff and Price, those three old masters. One wishes there was more of them and less ‘proper’ history – the movie seems a little stuck between two stools, the horror and historical, and doesn’t have the lavish budget to effectively furnish the latter. Still, painless enough, with some fun scenes.
Dir: Rowland V Lee
Stars: Basil Rathbone, Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, Barbara O’Neil, Ian Hunter

TOWER OF LONDON
1962
0
Richard III is haunted by the ghosts of those he murdered in order to claim the throne.
A bit of Macbeth is thrown in but that's where the Shakespeare connections end in this flattish cheapie with American accents. Olivier was creepier.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Vincent Price, Michael Pate, Joan Freeman

THE TOWERING INFERNO
1974
**
The opening night of a poorly constructed office block soon descends into chaos.
The granddaddy disaster movie and pretty much the start of a cycle that would last for the next decade. Here all the elements, including spectacular special effects and a roster of stars, are in place and provide the reason for watching.
Dir: Irwin Allen, John Guillermin
Stars: Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, William Holden, Faye Dunaway, Fred Astaire, Susan Blakely, Richard Chamberlain, Robert Vaughn, Robert Wagner, O J Simpson

THE TOXIC AVENGER
1985
*
A nerd is turned into a bulky superhero after being exposed to chemical waste.
Loosely structured low budget horror spoof which celebrates the ugly side of life.
Dir: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Mitch Cohen, Andree Maranda, Cindy Manion

THE TOXIC AVENGER PART II
1989
*
The Toxic Avenger fights crime in Japan.
Slightly less nasty and more humorous sequel with dollops of outrageous violence that one can only laugh at.
Dir: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Ron Fazio, John Altamura, Rick Collins

THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III
1989
0
Toxie goes to work for an evil corporation.
Unspeakably awful rubbish, as artless as an art gallery with no pictures in it. Keep an eye out for the hopeless extras in the numerous crowd scenes.
Dir: Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Ron Fazio, John Altamura, Rick Collins

TOY STORY
1995
***
A cowboy toy feels threatened when a fancy spaceman toy arrives in a boy's bedroom.
Marvellous freewheeling cartoon feature, a great leap forward in computer animation techniques, immense fun for all but the most miserable misanthropes.
Dir: John Lasseter
Voices: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles, R Lee Ermey

TOY STORY 2
1999
***
When Woody is stolen by a toy collector, Buzz and pals set out to rescue him.
Sequel as beautifully made as the first, a slice of intelligent, pure cinema that gives even the most minor characters a life of their own.
Dir: John Lasseter
Voices: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Don Rickles

TOY STORY 3
2010
***
The toys fear they are destined for the attic when their owner, Andy, prepares to go to college.
A film that’s genuinely for all ages with its mix of comedy, thrills and sentiment: the theme of the loss of childhood has rarely been better handled.
Dir: Lee Unkrich
Voices: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Ned Beatty, Don Rickles, Michael Keaton

TRACK 29
1987
*
A doctor's wife grows bored with her model-train obsessed husband.
As you'd expect of a combination between director Roeg and writer Dennis Potter, a mighty strange and off-key concoction, one that doesn't provide much surface entertainment but gives the mind much to mull over.
Dir: Nicolas Roeg
Stars: Theresa Russell, Gary Oldman, Christopher Lloyd, Colleen Camp

TRADER HORNEE
1970
0
A detective journeys to Africa to find a legendary white gorilla.
Sexy spoof which doesn't satisfy as a comedy or a naughty movie.
Dir: Jonathan Lucas
Stars: Buddy Pantsari, Elisabeth Monica, John Alderman

TRADING PLACES
1983
**
An inventor and a con artist swap places thanks to a bet by two millionaires.
Witty, well written comedy with a great cast.
Dir: John Landis
Stars: Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Ralph Bellamy, Don Ameche, Denholm Elliott, Jamie Lee Curtis

TRAFFIC
1970
*
Monsieur Hulot drives a car from Paris to Amsterdam.
Star vehicle (no pun intended) that spreads the gags thinly and intermittently, resulting in easy, laidback viewing, at least for those who are Tati fans.
Dir: Jacques Tati
Stars: Jacques Tati

TRAIL OF THE PINK PANTHER
1982
0
Former acquaintances of Inspector Clouseau reminisce when the famous detective goes missing.
An attempt to prolong the Pink Panther series two years after Sellers’ death: the first half uses footage not considered good enough for the originals, the second compiles moments from those films. Overall a bit of a tasteless mess, with the end credits providing the funniest bits.
Dir: Blake Edwards
Stars: David Niven, Herbert Lom, Joanna Lumley, Burt Kwouk, Leonard Rossiter, Graham Stark, Ronald Fraser, Peter Sellers

TRAIN OF EVENTS
1949
*
Four stories linked by a train crash: The Engine Driver, The Composer, The Actor and The Prisoner-of-war.
On a dramatic level, fairly rudimentary stuff, but with valued period footage of London and the train network.
Dir: Sidney Cole, Cahrles Crichton, Basil Dearden
Stars: Jack Warner, Leslie Phillips, Peter Finch, Laurence Naismith, Michael Horden

TRAINSPOTTING
1996
****
A Scottish junkie attempts to find a better life.
Bristling, electric adaptation of a distressingly brilliant novel, this instant classic brought vim and credibility to the British film industry at the time it needed it most.
Dir: Danny Boyle
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner, Jonny Lee Miller, Robert Carlyle, Kelly Macdonald

TRANCERS
1985
*
In the LA of the future, a cop chases a criminal who is turning people into zombies.
Lively sci-fi in the manner of The Terminator.
Dir: Charles Band
Stars: Tim Thomerson, Helen Hunt, Michael Stefani

TRANSFORMERS
2007
*
Huge robots that can turn into everyday machines wage war on Earth.
Charmless and unattractive actioner that offers little more than fast-cutting sound and fury and unsubtle humour; the cinematic equivalent of junk food.
Dir: Michael Bay
Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Jon Voight

TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000
1985
0
Two reporters encounter monsters in a strange castle in Transylvania.
Wacky spoof of a much spoofed genre, it provides smiles rather than guffaws.
Dir: Rudy De Luca
Stars: Jeff Goldblum, Joseph Bologna, Ed Begley Jr, Geena Davis

TRAPEZE
1956
*
A trapeze artist is taught the ropes by a former master.
Atmospheric but dry drama shot in strong colour.
Dir: Carol Reed
Stars: Burt Lancaster, Tony Curtis, Gina Lollobrigida, Sidney James

TRAPPED ASHES
2006
0
Four gruesome stories are told in a theme park that houses the set of an old horror film: The Girl With Golden Breasts, Jibaku, Stanley’s Girlfriend and My Twin, The Worm.
Fairly disastrous anthology with a weird mix of directors and a weird mix of sex and horror that won’t appeal to anyone. The set-up makes you think it’s going to be a fun shocker in the Amicus mould but instead it resembles a TV movie obsessed with gynaecology: segment one is probably the most entertaining, the second is a bizarre failure, the third much too straight and the fourth does little with a pleasingly twisted idea – a woman is pregnant with both a child and a tapeworm.
Dir: Joe Dante, Ken Russell, Sean S Cunningham, Monte Hellman, John Gaeta
Stars: Rachel Veltri, Dick Miller, John Saxon, Lara Harris

TRAUMA
2004
0
A man is haunted by visions of his dead wife and starts to go mad.
Another dismal dud from the British film industry: incoherent, downbeat, pretentious and laughable.
Dir: Marc Evans
Stars: Colin Firth, Naomie Harris, Mena Suvari

TREASURE ISLAND
1990 (TV)
*
An old pirate map leads to a long sea voyage and buried treasure.
Handsomely mounted adaptation of Stevenson's classic that carefully recreates the period although suffers from the odd longeur.
Dir: Fraser Clarke Heston
Stars: Charlton Heston, Christian Bale, Oliver Reed, Christopher Lee, Julian Glover

THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE
1948
**
Gold prospectors search the dangerous Mexican hills for treasure.
An esteemed picture which retains some power but is a little arid for much of its considerable length.
Dir: John Huston
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Walter Huston, Tim Holt, Bruce Bennett

A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN
1945
***
A Brooklyn family at the beginning of the 20th century endure a harsh existence.
Vivid and detailed family drama that dwells on tragedy throughout but ends on an uplifting, hopeful note.
Dir: Elia Kazan
Stars: Dorothy McGuire, Joan Blondell, James Dunn, Lloyd Nolan

TREMORS
1990
**
Huge underground creatures terrorise a small town.
Entertaining monster movie which benefits from bright settings, quirky characters and a firm tongue in cheek.
Dir: Ron Underwood
Stars: Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Finn Carter

TRIAL BY COMBAT
1976
*
A group of aristocrats take justice into their own hands if they feel it hasn't been done.
Black comedy obviously inspired by TV's The Avengers, but rarely reaching the wonderfully bizarre heights that that series did.
Dir: Kevin Connor
Stars: John Mills, Donald Pleasence, Barbara Hershey, Peter Cushing, Brian Glover

THE TRIAL OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK
1989 (TV)
0
David Banner employs a blind lawyer, who is also Daredevil, when he is accused of a mob crime that the Kingpin has perpetrated.
Regrettably dull superhero shenanigans.
Dir: Bill Bixby
Stars: Bill Bixby, Lou Ferrigno, Rex Smith, John Rhys-Davies

TRIAL RUN
1984
0
A female photographer working alone at a beach house is menaced by a stranger.
The New Zealand film industry demonstrating once again how to make a monotonous and irksome picture, one that mixes genres together to produce nothing but awfulness.
Dir: Melanie Read
Stars: Annie Whittle, Judith Gibson, Chris Broun

THE TRIALS OF OSCAR WILDE
1960
**
Oscar Wilde goes to court to fight a slander on his name, but lives to regret it.
Compelling and brave biopic, well made all round, brightened by a healthy amount of Wilde's epigrams.
Dir: Ken Hughes
Stars: Peter Finch, Yvonne Mitchell, James Mason, Nigel Patrick, Lionel Jeffries

TRIANGLE
2009
**
A troubled single mother goes on a sailing trip which runs into trouble.
Although this ‘Groundhog Day In Hell’ drama isn’t quite as clever as it thinks it is, it does manage to hold the attention as it twists merrily away, and it successfully swelled messageboards at IMDb. It's the director’s best film so far despite a conclusion that isn’t as satisfying as you’d like; but as soon as it finishes you stick the DVD back on to watch the opening minutes again, if not more of it.
Dir: Christopher Smith
Stars: Melissa George, Michael Dorman, Liam Hemsworth

TRICK OR TREAT
1987
0
A rock fan is sent messages from beyond the grave by his dead hero.
Junky horror comic with a superfluity of rock music; tedious and ridiculous.
Dir: Charles Martin Smith
Stars: Marc Price, Tony Fields, Gene Simmons, Ozzy Osbourne

TRICK ‘R TREAT
2008
*
Interwoven horrific stories on Halloween night.
Unfocussed shocker that’s a sort of Creepshow-like anthology but goes for ‘clever’ intercutting of the tales whereas they might have worked better kept separate, although since the endings of each barely constitute a twist, perhaps not. All the familiar pats and beats of the modern horror film are here, and there’s an over-reliance on ‘is this real or just someone messing around on Halloween?’ shenanigans; it seems to get plenty of support on the internet as it’s an underdog, not having been awarded a theatrical release.
Dir: Michael Dougherty
Stars: Dylan Baker, Anna Paquin, Brian Cox, Tahmoh Penikett

TRILOGY OF TERROR
1975 (TV)
*
Three scary stories all starring Karen Black: Julie; Millicent And Therese; Amelia.
Fondly remembered but not great anthology; the first story is fairly intriguing, the second is a predictable slip of a tale, the third is a right laugh - lively, juicy horror.
Dir: Dan Curtis
Stars: Karen Black, Robert Burton, John Karlen

TRIO
1950
*
Three stories from the pen of Somerset Maugham: The Verger, Mr Know-all and Sanitorium.
The follow-up to Quartet (qv) is as enjoyable and cosy as its predecessor.
Dir: Ken Annakin, Harold French
Stars: Michael Horden, Nigel Patrick, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Jean Simmons, Michael Rennie, James Hayter, Naunton Wayne, Andre Morell

THE TRIP
1967
*
A man's life is changed when he discovers LSD.
Very much a film of its time, this much-banned odyssey is probably best watched when in an 'altered' state of mind. Otherwise, critical comment is pointless.
Dir: Roger Corman
Stars: Peter Fonda, Susan Strasberg, Bruce Dern, Dennis Hopper

THE TRIUMPH OF SHERLOCK HOLMES
1935
*
Sherlock Holmes investigates the death of a police informant in a castle.
Creaky but clever Holmes yarn that's unusual in that the entire mid-section is in flashback and doesn't involve the detective. Wontner looks the part, displays plenty of enthusiasm and occasionally trips over his lines; it's a shame that his Holmes films have not been better preserved (and one is lost altogether).
Dir: Leslie S Hiscott
Stars: Arthur Wontner, Lyn Harding, Ian Fleming, Charles Mortimer

TRIUMPH OF THE WILL
1934
**
A film of the 1934 Nazi Party rally in Nuremberg.
The world's most famous example of filmmaking as powerful propaganda, this unique 'documentary' (it seems disingenuous to call it that when so much of it is staged) basks in stunningly shot images designed to inspire a sense of awe; viewing it 70 years later as anything other than a disturbing historical artefact it bores and is in need of a narrator, but as a testament to the only great female film director it still stands tall.
Dir: Leni Riefenstahl
Stars: Adolf Hitler

TROG
1970
0
A female scientist nurtures a creature that may be the missing link.
Nothing prepares you for this film's awfulness; its infamous reputation rests on the monster's suit, the meaningless plot, the dinosaur inserts and the unspeakable dialogue. Avoid.
Dir: Freddie Francis
Stars: Joan Crawford, Michael Gough, Bernard Kay, Thorley Walters

THE TROJAN WAR
1961
0
The story of events leading up to the building of the wooden horse.
Rotten mythological tale that's badly dubbed and reliant on scenes of fighting, which go on too long.
Dir: Giorgio Ferroni
Stars: Steve Reeves, John Drew Barrymore, Juliette Mayniel

THE TROLLENBERG TERROR
1958
*
A remote mountain resort in Switzerland is attacked by hideous eye-like creatures.
Pleasing low budget sci-fi with an eerie Alpine setting.
Dir: Quentin Lawrence
Stars: Forrest Tucker, Laurence Payne, Janet Munro, Warren Mitchell

TROMEO AND JULIET
1996
0
A punk version of Romeo And Juliet.
The usual Troma mess: brief moments of invention don't atone for the amateurish tedium.
Dir: Lloyd Kaufman
Stars: Jane Jensen, Will Keenan, Valentine Miele

TRON
1982
*
A hacker is literally sucked into the world of computer games.
A tad long and complicated, but this is a highly original fantasy with breath-taking, innovative special effects.
Dir: Steven Lisberger
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Bruce Boxleitner, David Warner, Cindy Morgan

TROP BELLE POUR TOI
1989
*
A card dealer with a beautiful wife is somehow attracted to his plain secretary.
Typical French romantic comedy which brings some freshness to an old theme.
Dir: Bertrand Blier
Stars: Gerard Depardieu, Josiane Balasko, Carole Bouquet

TROUBLE BREWING
1939
*
George tracks down criminals dealing in counterfeit money.
The usual sweet-natured Formby knockabout antics.
Dir: Anthony Kimmins
Stars: George Formby, Googie Withers, Gus McNaughton

THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY
1955
**
The inhabitants of a small town find it tricky to get rid of a man's dead body.
One of Hitchcock's favourites of his own pictures, this is a curious black comedy, beautifully shot and scored, though a little static.
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Stars: Edmund Gwenn, Mildred Natwick, John Forsythe, Shirley MacLaine

THE TRUE GLORY
1945
***
Documentary detailing the Allies' progress from D-day till the fall of Berlin.
Although perhaps superseded in future years by television documentaries, this is one of the most valuable accounts of the Second World War thanks to its numerous striking images, accounts of action by a wide variety of infantrymen (which sometimes sound a little grandiloquent) and the fact that it appeared so soon after the conflict. Remarkably fast cutting, it holds the eye and stirs the feelings.
Dir: Garson Kanin, Carol Reed
Narrator: Robert Harris

TRUE IDENTITY
1991
*
An African-American disguises himself as a white man in order to escape the mob.
Much of the plot is daft and contrived, but this comedy thriller is diverting enough, providing a juicy part for the British star.
Dir: Charles Lane
Stars: Lenny Henry, Frank Langella, Charles Lane, Michael McKean

TRUE ROMANCE
1993
**
Ruthless gangsters go on the trail of a couple of newlyweds who have stolen their cocaine.
Distinct, lilting thriller that gets better the longer it goes on. Scriptwriter Tarantino's marks are all over it like a rash.
Dir: Tony Scott
Stars: Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Val Kilmer, Dennis Hopper, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Samuel L Jackson

THE TRUE STORY OF ESKIMO NELL
1975
0
Two cowboys search for a famous prostitute.
Fairly useless comic western, an overlong collection of mainly soporific scenes; the 1974 British film Eskimo Nell (qv) had much more fun with the original source material.
Dir: Richard Franklin
Stars: Max Gillies, Serge Lazareff, Abigail, Jerry Thomas

TRULY MADLY DEEPLY
1989
*
A woman's husband dies but soon returns to give her companionship.
Low key supernatural love story, all terribly English, some of it now appears mawkish and forced.
Dir: Anthony Minghella
Stars: Juliet Stevenson, Alan Rickman, Jenny Howe

THE TRUMAN SHOW
1998
****
An apparently ordinary man begins to realise he is actually the star of a television reality show that has a huge global audience.
Examined closely the scenario may not totally stand up, but this is Hollywood's greatest movie in many a year, a beautifully scripted, shot and scored fable that has appeal to both the masses and those with brains. Carrey's performance is amiable and understated and a perfect accompaniment to a genial and entertaining film which was prescient in its portrayal of the vampiric nature of reality television.
Dir: Peter Weir
Stars: Jim Carrey, Ed Harris, Laura Linney, Noah Emmerich, Natascha McElhone

TRUST THE MAN
2006
**
Two men fight to save their respective relationships.
Smart comedy drama which provides the audience with plenty of characters to empathise with.
Dir: Bart Freundlich
Stars: David Duchovny, Julianne Moore, Billy Crudup, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ellen Barkin, Gary Shandling

THE TRUTH ABOUT CHARLIE
2002
0
A widow meets a man who claims that he owes her a large amount of money.
Abysmal remake of Charade. How do films like this get made?
Dir: Jonathan Demme
Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Thandie Newton, Tim Robbins

TSOTSI
2005
*
A street thug in South Africa is forced to take a tiny baby into his care.
A film that drags you out of your comfortable world into its own, and what an amoral, frightening world it is. On a dramatic level it starts with several jolts before the pace and violence begin to diminish.
Dir: Gavin Hood
Stars: Presley Chweneyagae, Terry Pheto, Kenneth Nkosi

TUBE TALES
1999 (TV)
0
Short stories set around the London Underground: Rosebud, Horny, My Father The Liar, Grasshopper, Mouth, Mr Cool, A Bird In The Hand, Steal Away and Bone.
Disappointing anthology: most of the tales are glum, humourless and dispiriting. Foul-mouthed and dreary, the film portrays Tube staff as fascist dictators and doesn't even bother to get the Underground's geography right.
Dir: Gaby Dellal et al
Stars: Jason Flemyng, Dexter Fletcher, Kelly Macdonald, Simon Pegg, Sean Pertwee, Liz Smith, Denise Van Outen, Rachel Weisz, Ray Winstone

TUMMY TROUBLE
1989
***
Roger Rabbit has to take Baby Herman to hospital after he swallows his rattle.
Brilliantly inventive short that’s as inspired as the cartoon that begins Who Framed Roger Rabbit, only this time it’s not interrupted.
Dir: Rob Minkoff
Voices: Charles Fleischer, April Winchell, Kathleen Turner

THE TUNNEL
1935
0
Problems beset the building of a tunnel which will link up Britain and America.
Unrealistic and undramatic British sci-fi that has dated badly.
Dir: Maurice Elvey
Stars: Richard Dix, Leslie Banks, Walter Huston

TURKEY SHOOT
1983
0
Prisoners are forced to participate in a deadly game of survival if they want freedom.
A cheap thrill: a savage variant on The Most Dangerous Game that fell foul of the British censors. It must have seemed exciting back then; now it just looks cheesy.
Dir: Brian Trenchard-Smith
Stars: Steve Railsback, Olivia Hussey, Michael Craig, Carmen Duncan

TURKISH DELIGHT
1973
**
A sculptor has a stormy relationship with a headstrong girl.
A popular film in its own country, an art house/semi porno presentation here, this exhibits the weird Dutch sense of humour, which can be gruesomely fascinating.
Dir: Paul Verhoeven
Stars: Rutger Hauer, Monique van de Ven

TWELFTH NIGHT
1995
*
An identical brother and sister are washed up on foreign shores after a shipwreck.
Slightly stodgy Shakespeare adaptation in which the distinguished cast do their best to liven things up but don't always succeed.
Dir: Trevor Nunn
Stars: Helena Bonham Carter, Nigel Hawthorne, Imogen Stubbs, Ben Kingsley, Mel Smith, Richard E Grant, Imelda Staunton

12 ANGRY MEN
1957
****
Twelve jurors debate a case of murder; initially only one wants to deliver a not guilty verdict, but he gradually manages to persuade the other men.
It's difficult to see how a better film could ever be made of this thought-provoking play; although set almost entirely in one room, it is shot in such a way as to offer variety and vibrancy, with outstanding ensemble performances from a flawless cast to make it one of cinema's most unique and spellbinding experiences.
Dir: Sidney Lumet
Stars: Henry Fonda, Lee J Cobb, Ed Begley, E G Marshall, Martin Balsam, Jack Klugman, John Fiedler, Jack Warden, George Voskovec, Robert Webber, Edward Binns, Joseph Sweeney

TWELVE MONKEYS
1995
*
In a devastated future world, a convict is sent back in time to gather information on the virus that almost wiped out the entire planet.
One of those tiresome films that thinks itself clever by having an unintelligible story and a cacophonous soundtrack, and takes matters far too seriously.
Dir: Terry Gilliam
Stars: Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe, Brad Pitt

20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA
1954
***
A ship sent to investigate a series of mysterious sinkings encounters a sophisticated submarine run by a stern captain.
Engaging fantasy with strong performances, one of Disney's very best live action pictures.
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Stars: Kirk Douglas, James Mason, Paul Lukas, Peter Lorre

28 DAYS LATER
2002
*
A hospital patient awakes to discover that most of London has been wiped out and zombies roam the land.
Glum horror which begins promisingly but then offers little that's new, a threadbare plot and exceptional nastiness.
Dir: Danny Boyle
Stars: Cillian Murphy, Christopher Eccleston, Naomie Harris

28 WEEKS LATER
2007
*
London is overrun by zombies after a containment plan goes wrong.
Decent sequel that once again piles on the unpleasantness in shots of less than half a second long, which makes for a dizzying experience. Only really thrilling in short stabs – including the helicopters vs zombies sequence – it has the familiar modern horror problem of characters that you don’t feel for, least of all the infected.
Dir: Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
Stars: Robert Carlyle, Rose Byrne, Jeremy Renner, Imogen Poots

24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE
2001
**
A TV presenter sets up an influential music label in Manchester.
Quirky and thankfully unpretentious true life drama which provides Coogan with his best non-Partridge role yet.
Dir: Michael Winterbottom
Stars: Steve Coogan, John Thomson, Paddy Considine, John Simm

23 PACES TO BAKER STREET
1956
*
A blind playwright in London overhears a murder being planned.
Attractively set up but edgeless thriller which Hitchcock could have made a classic of. As it is, the wintry '50s London locations atone a little.
Dir: Henry Hathaway
Stars: Van Johnson, Vera Miles, Cecil Parker, Maurice Denham

TWICE BITTEN
1978
0
Female vampires earn cash as prostitutes.
Incompetent trash sold as something naughty but containing just one very long, very boring sex scene.
Dir: Cirio H Santiago
Stars: John Carradine, Karen Stride, Katie Dolan

TWICE ROUND THE DAFFODILS
1962
*
Life in a sanatorium for six men.
A gentle and often quite serious comic drama from the Carry On main men, this relaxed film may not set the world alight but leaves you with a little warm glow inside because of its affectionate portrayal of a secure and serene environment populated by decent men and women.
Dir: Gerald Thomas
Stars: Kenneth Williams, Juliet Mills, Donald Sinden, Lance Percival, Donald Houston, Andrew Ray, Ronald Lewis, Joan Sims, Jill Ireland, Sheila Hancock, Nanette Newman

TWICE-TOLD TALES
1963
*
Three horror stories based on the writings of Nathaniel Hawthorne: Dr Heidegger's Experiment, Rappaccini's Daughter and The House Of The Seven Gables.
Low budget, confined-to-studio anthology done in an old fashioned style. The first tale is fun, the second is plain daft, the third is predictable.
Dir: Sidney Salkow
Stars: Vincent Price, Sebastian Cabot, Beverly Garland, Richard Denning

TWICE TWO
1933
*
Stan and Ollie have married each other's sisters; they have a party to celebrate their wedding anniversaries but all goes horribly wrong.
The attraction here is the originality of the idea and the way it is executed via trick photography, rather than the routine gags.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Charlie Hall

TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE
1983
*
Four spooky stories.
The series was one of the greatest seen in the early days of television, and this movie, loaded with talent as it is, is mildly disappointing in comparison. Perhaps if three of the tales had not been remakes of originals it would have had more bite; as it is, the prologue in the car and the last tale, featuring Lithgow as a terrified airplane passenger, are the most effective parts of it.
Dir: John Landis, Steven Spielberg, Joe Dante, George Miller
Stars: Dan Aykroyd, Vic Morrow, Kathleen Quinlan, John Lithgow, Scatman Crothers, Kevin McCarthy

TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME
1993
0
An FBI agent investigates a girl's disappearance.
Incomprehensible, pretentious and interminable garbage; they should have given out 'I Survived Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me' T-shirts to those who did.
Dir: David Lynch
Stars: Sheryl Lee, Madchen Amick, David Bowie, Heather Graham

TWINS OF EVIL
1971
*
Beautiful twins go to stay with their puritanical uncle but one comes under the influence of a vampire in a nearby castle.
A lively climax follows 80 minutes of up-to-par, sexy vampiric antics given gravitas by Cushing’s fine performance as a woman-burning Puritan. It’s interesting to look back and note that it was only a very small window in history that produced these kinds of likeable features (this was the loose third in Hammer’s Karnstein trilogy, preceded by The Vampire Lovers and Lust For A Vampire, both qv).
Dir: John Hough
Stars: Peter Cushing, Mary Collinson, Madeleine Collinson, Dennis Price, Luan Peters

TWISTED NERVE
1968
*
A young man with a split personality may be a murderer.
Underwhelming suspenser, flabbily and unconvincingly developed, also rather sick.
Dir: Roy Boulting
Stars: Hayley Mills, Hywel Bennett, Billie Whitelaw, Frank Finlay, Barry Foster

TWO EVIL EYES
1990
*
A pair of horror stories: The Facts In The Case Of Mr Valdemar and The Black Cat.
Stylish shocker based on tales by Edgar Allan Poe (see also Tales Of Terror), it might have benefited from being a little shorter.
Dir: George A Romero, Dario Argento
Stars: Adrienne Barbeau, E G Marshall, Harvey Keitel, Kim Hunter

THE TWO FACES OF DR JEKYLL
1960
*
A doctor accidentally unleashes the dark side of his nature.
Perfunctory Hammer adaptation which cheats by not showing the actual transformation from the bearded Jekyll to the clean-shaven Hyde.
Dir: Terence Fisher
Stars: Paul Massie, Christopher Lee, Dawn Addams, Oliver Reed

TWO MOON JUNCTION
1989
0
A well-to-do debutante about to be married has a passionate fling with a carnival worker.
Vacuous erotic drama with more preaching than excitement, although the climactic disrobing is undeniably memorable.
Dir: Zalman King
Stars: Sherilyn Fenn, Richard Tyson, Burt Ives

TWO MULES FOR SISTER SARA
1969
0
A nun is rescued from trouble by a drifting cowboy.
Patchy western with some star quality.
Dir: Don Siegel
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Shirley MacLaine, Manuel Fabregas

TWO OF US
2000 (TV)
*
An imagined version of what happened between John Lennon and Paul McCartney when they met for the last time in New York in 1976.
The idea is a nice one, but to fully succeed this TV movie would have to have been brilliantly scripted and brilliantly acted, and in both areas it falls short – the writing is patchy and often doesn’t ring true and the two actors, especially Lennon’s impersonator, fail to convincingly mimic their men. That said, it’s always a tough job to satisfy Beatles fans (who will be the main audience here), and the film is a decent enough watch, conjuring up wistful thoughts of the Fabs and their towering standing in popular culture.
Dir: Michael Lindsay-Hogg
Stars: Aidan Quinn, Jared Harris

TWO ORPHAN VAMPIRES
1997
0
Two vampire girls are blind by day but can see at night when they go on the prowl.
Regrettably boring chiller which draws out an extremely slim plot to great length through lots of scenes where very little happens.
Dir: Jean Rollin
Stars: Alexandra Pic, Isabelle Teboul, Bernard Charnace

TWO TARS
1928
**
Two sailors, spurred by on by their girlfriends, start a huge ruckus in a traffic jam.
Highly regarded short whose escalation of road rage is expertly executed while never reaching the sort of hilarity pinnacle that they would soon hit, when sound arrived.
Dir: James Parrott
Stars: Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Edgar Kennedy, Charlie Hall

TWO THOUSAND MANIACS
1964
0
People are lured to a Centennial celebration and gruesomely butchered.
Tiresome slice of bloody nonsense that sets its gore to corny country music.
Dir: Herschell Gordon Lewis
Stars: Thomas Wood, Connie Mason, Jeffrey Allen

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
1968
****
Man seeks to discover the mystery behind an object buried on the moon.
Long, thoughtful, confusing, brilliant sci-fi sold as the ultimate trip, it not only captures the spirit of the times of when it was made but provides a blueprint for far into the future. A work of outstanding technical, philosophical and scientific accomplishment.
Dir: Stanley Kubrick
Stars: Keir Dullea, Gary Lockwood, Leonard Rossiter, Ed Bishop, William Sylvester

2010
1984
*
A joint American-Soviet space expedition heads to Jupiter.
Dry, hollow sequel with a minimum of wonderment.
Dir: Peter Hyams
Stars: Roy Scheider, John Lithgow, Helen Mirren, Bob Balaban, Keir Dullea

TWO WAY STRETCH
1960
**
A prisoner plans the perfect crime - to commit a robbery while still in jail.
Good-natured and pleasantly amusing comedy, the kind that would vanish from Britain in the succeeding decades.
Dir: Robert Day
Stars: Peter Sellers, David Lodge, Bernard Cribbins, Wilfrid Hyde-White, Maurice Denham, Lionel Jeffries, Irene Handl, Liz Fraser, Beryl Reid